Uss Jokes

Following is our collection of submarine humor and cruiser one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Uss puns for adults, dirty battleship jokes or clean sunk gags for kids.

There is an abundance of navy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 21 funniest jokes on uss. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any destroyer witze you can hear about uss.

The Best jokes about Uss

What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for klingons.

TIL in 1937 the Germans sank their own U-boat instead of the American USS Anders.

"Sorry, wrong sub"

My dad got me with this one earlier.

"So, you know how ships from America are USS whatever, right? Well, that stands for United States Ship. In England, they use HMS. And that means Her Majesty's Ship. In Italy, though, they use AMB. Know what that means?"



A US Ship was sailing through dense fog when it sees another light....

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!


CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

What did Spock find in the toilet of the USS Enterprise?

**The Captain's log.**


Bonus Trekkie Joke:
*Why is Star Trek like the toilet paper in there?*

... because it keeps searching Uranus for Klingons.

English ships start with HMS, United states with USS... what about Italian ships?


It's stands for, 'Atsa Ma Boat!'

If the Navy ever gets a ship with an EMP...

...they should name it the USS Ellen Pao 'cause it shuts down everything.

What is a Soviet pirate's favorite ship?

The USS Arr.

The sailor's birthday

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!

Sorry, wrong sub :(

What does the U.S.S Enterprise have in common with TP?

They both circle Uranus wiping out cling-ons.

How does data travel through space?

On the USS Enterprise

If two Hawaiians are having a conversation on the U.S.S. Nimitz...

... do they speak carrier pidgin?

Russian pirates commandeered the USS Enterprise...

They renamed it the USSR.

What's a communist pirates favourite holiday destination?

The U.S.S. Arrrghhh

A hat for kirk

My mum wanted to knit a hat for Captain Kirk of the USS enterprise, but it is quite tricky for someone who has three ears!

His left ear, his right ear and his final front-ear.

What happened when the USS Enterprise got a new toilet?

William Shatner

What do a snowstorm in Florida, a hula hoop with a nail in it, and the USS Adams have in common?

They're all navel destroyers.

What always clogged the toilet on the USS Enterprise?

Captain's Log

What's the US Navy's biggest and longest serving aircraft carrier?

The USS Great Britain.

What was found in the U.S.S Enterprise bathroom?

The Captain's log.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes