uss Jokes

funny uss pick up lines and hilarious uss puns

What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for klingons.

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TIL in 1937 the Germans sank their own U-boat instead of the American USS Anders.

"Sorry, wrong sub"

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My dad got me with this one earlier.

"So, you know how ships from America are USS whatever, right? Well, that stands for United States Ship. In England, they use HMS. And that means Her Majesty's Ship. In Italy, though, they use AMB. Know what that means?"

"What?"

"ATTSA MY BOAT!"

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What do the U.S.S. Enterprise and Toilet Paper have in common?

They both wipe out Klingons.

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A US Ship was sailing through dense fog when it sees another light....

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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What did Spock find in the toilet of the USS Enterprise?

**The Captain's log.**

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Bonus Trekkie Joke:
*Why is Star Trek like the toilet paper in there?*

... because it keeps searching Uranus for Klingons.

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English ships start with HMS, United states with USS... what about Italian ships?

AMB.

It's stands for, 'Atsa Ma Boat!'

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If the Navy ever gets a ship with an EMP...

...they should name it the USS Ellen Pao 'cause it shuts down everything.

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What do the U.S.S Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons

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What is a Soviet pirate's favorite ship?

The USS Arr.

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What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus and wipe out Klingons.

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The sailor's birthday

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

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What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS Arrrrrr

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TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!

Sorry, wrong sub :(

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What does the U.S.S Enterprise have in common with TP?

They both circle Uranus wiping out cling-ons.

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Enterprise

What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?


They both keep Klingons off Uranus.

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How does data travel through space?

On the USS Enterprise

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If two Hawaiians are having a conversation on the U.S.S. Nimitz...

... do they speak carrier pidgin?

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A hat for kirk

My mum wanted to knit a hat for Captain Kirk of the USS enterprise, but it is quite tricky for someone who has three ears!

His left ear, his right ear and his final front-ear.

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What's a communist pirates favourite holiday destination?

The U.S.S. Arrrghhh

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What's the US Navy's biggest and longest serving aircraft carrier?

The USS Great Britain.

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What happened when the USS Enterprise got a new toilet?

William Shatner

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If you where the son of the navigator of the uss enterprise.

you would be the son of a whorea

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What do a snowstorm in Florida, a hula-hoop with a nail in it, and The U.S.S. Adams have in common?

They are all naval destroyers.

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What do a snowstorm in Florida, a hula hoop with a nail in it, and the USS Adams have in common?

They're all navel destroyers.

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What always clogged the toilet on the USS Enterprise?

Captain's Log

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What is the Flagship of the Soviet Union Called?

The USS R

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The U.S.S Enterprise had a magician on board.

Jean Luc Pickacard

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What was found in the U.S.S Enterprise bathroom?

The Captain's log.

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What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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USS, HMS... What does AMB stand for on the sides of Italian navy vessels?

Atsa meh boat?

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If two Hawaiians have a conversation on the USS Nimitz…

… do they speak carrier pidgin?

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What are the best Uss puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Uss? Well, here are the best Uss dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Uss pick up lines to share with friends.

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