Usher Jokes
23 usher jokes and hilarious usher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about usher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Is it a wedding or a church service? These Usher jokes will have you rolling in the aisles no matter the occasion! From clever jabs at the singer to easy laughs from the burly wedding usher, there's something for everyone.
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Funniest Usher Short Jokes
Short usher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The usher humour may include short udder jokes also.
- What happened in the theater in Princeton when someone put a banana peel in the aisle in front of the doctor? The Fall of the Usher of House
- I don't like to talk about my years spent working as a cinema usher. I was in a dark place at the time.
- A friend just asked me to be usher at his wedding. I told him that I don't mind learning a few of his songs but I am really not comfortable blacking up.
- If you're a movie ticket usher and ....... .... and amputee leaves the theater, but comes back and shows you his ticket, is it wrong to say to him "I'm glad you saved your stub" ?
- I recently fulfilled my life's dream of becoming an usher So I guess I put a lot of people in their place
- What did Usher say when he started working at the movie theater? These are my concessions.
- So I went to an Usher concert the other night... this guy showed me to my seats and that was it.
- Justin Bieber was inspired by Usher because of his music and dance, Usher was inspired by Michael Jackson The King of Pop, Michael Jackson was inspired by...Chuck Norris.
- When Usher was growing up, what his favorite food that his mom would make for him? Her peas.
- Forgive me Usher for I have sinned, It's been three weeks since my Last.fm play of Confessions
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Usher One Liners
Which usher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with usher? I can suggest the ones about chairman and utter.
- What was Usher's favorite food his mom used to make him when he was younger? Her peas.
- I wasn't going to make you an usher cd But then I let it burn
- What's Ushers favorite dish that his mother cooks Her peas
- What is Usher's favorite food? Chili.
- "There goes my Baby" by Usher... ...is a bad song to play at an abortion clinic.
- Usher always loved his Mother's cooking He especially liked her peas
- What did Usher tell the women he slept with? Let it burn.
- Why did Usher break up with his girlfriend? He found a better DJ.
- Usher Adds An Adult Tape To His List Of Featured Movies!
Witty Usher Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about usher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean keeper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make usher pranks.
The usher in church greets one of their members...
and says "Welcome! You need to join the army of the Lord!"
The member says,"I am in the Lord's army".
The usher asked,"Then why do I only see you on Christmas and Easter?"
The member leaned over and whispered,"I'm in the Secret Service."
A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife did it".
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
In a theater
A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.
TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes
He became widely known as the pun usher.
An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater
"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"
The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.
"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"
Another faint mumble.
Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"
"The balcony"
Two sailors are on shore leave. They have a few drinks and decide to go to a variety show. At the intermission one of them needs to pee and asks directions from the usher. Go through the exit, turn left along the corridor, turn first right, then left, then right again, he says.
The sailor follows the directions with some difficulty, relieves himself, and eventually finds his way back to his seat. You missed the best act, says his friend. While you were gone a sailor came on-stage and p**... into the orchestra pit.
