useless Jokes

funny useless pick up lines and hilarious useless puns

eBay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,061 matches

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At a Nazi mine, a worker calls out to Hitler:

"Sir, we are mining too many useless Ores"

[Hitler rubs his chin, contemplating]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi chimes in, from above]

"MINE FEWER"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

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I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society.

My parents did.

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My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman.

Useless surgeon.

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"Sir we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "Mine less then."
*grammar nazi bursts in*

"Mine fewer"

*Hitler looks over* "Yes?"

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eBay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

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Hitler on mining

"Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"

[Hitler rubs chin]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]

"MINE FEWER!"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

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As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

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Grammar Nazi.

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
[Hitler rubs chin]
"So, mine less.
[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]
"MINE FEWER!"
[Hitler looks up]
"Yes, soldier?"

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What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?

The whites are useless.

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I tried changing my password to "Twilight".

It said "Error: contains too many useless characters"

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Tried to change my password to Twilight...

...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(

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Fidget spinners are useless

Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.

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Grammer Nazi

"Sir we are mining too many useless minerals" (hitler scratches his chin in contemplation) Mine less then. (grammar nazi barges in) mine FEWER (hitler turns to the man) Yes? What do you need?

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eBay is useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 42,810 matches.

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Google is useless...

I tried looking up lighters and all they had was 48,200,000 matches.

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Just tried to change my password to..

Just tried to change my password to.. 'The_Last_Jedi,' but Facebook wouldn't let me. Said there are too many useless characters.

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Google is useless

I tried looking up lighters and all they had was 69,000,000 matches.

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Trump's wall will be useless since it doesn't extend into the oceans.....

Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.

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What's more useless than a Gender Studies degree?

the feminist holding it

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What's more useless than a condom at a feminist rally?

Everyone there.

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Hitler pun

"Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "So mine less."

Grammar Nazi busts in.
"MINE FEWER."

(Hitler looks up) "Yes?"

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I've been researching some useless facts...

Want some examples?
I have found out that there are over 10,000 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

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Remember…you are not completely useless.

You can always serve as a bad example.

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My wife always says the way to a man's heart is through his stomach…

Lovely woman.

Useless surgeon.

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My high school guidance counselor told me I'll always be useless

So I became a guidance counselor.

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Mathematician joke.

A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."

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What do you call all that useless skin around the penis?

A man

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Ebay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 20,142 matches

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What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa

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Me: Dad, How did you guys manage without Whatsapp & Facebook?

My Dad:Β We used to keep useless information to ourselves.

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A critic goes to an art gallery and finds the artist of the pieces there.

Critic: "Would you like to know what I think of your art?"
Artist: "Oh, yes please"
Critic: "It's useless"
Artist: "I know, but I would still like to hear it. "

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3 senior citizens are having a conversation in the waiting room of their doctor

They are all pretty old, 80+ years, and they all shaking, they have tremors.

One says to the others "It's true that when you get old your body isn't worth much more, it's useless!"

The other says "You are right, look at me how much I shake!"

They all agree and say they also shake so much, they all have uncontrollable tremors

one of the old man says "Today I went to shave, and I cut all my face up!"

the second old man says "Today I went to have some coffee and I poured it all on myself!"

The third old man says "Today I went to take a piss and I came 3 times!"

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A mahogany boob...

Would be pretty useless, wooden tit?

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Grammar Nazi vs. Hitler

Soldier:"Sir, we are mining too many useless ores."
Hitler:"So mine less!"
[Grammar Nazi busts in]
"MINE FEWER"
[Hitler looks up] "Yes?"

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What are the best Useless puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Useless? Well, here are the best Useless dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Useless pick up lines to share with friends.

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