Use As Directed Jokes
30 use as directed jokes and hilarious use as directed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about use as directed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Use As Directed Short Jokes
Short use as directed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The use as directed humour may include short directed jokes also.
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia? when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day
- I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet... They use an e-wok.
- My wife used to get really mad about the fact I have no sense of direction So I packed all my things and right!
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but now... ...after years of hard work and commitment, I'm living direct deposit to direct deposit.
- Apple has announced new hardware that mounts directly to your forehead and lets you surf the internet using augmented reality glasses. It's called the iBrowser
- Glasses Man: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses.
Woman: Yes, I know, some people in my family also drink directly from the bottle. - Chuck Norris never uses a navigation system.
The direction he is heading is ALWAYS the right direction. - Since Luigi died in the Smash direct, what do we have to use to contact him? A Luigi board
- Why does the Islamic State use knives as traffic signs? So they be-heading in the right direction.
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Use As Directed One Liners
Which use as directed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with use as directed? I can suggest the ones about instructed and giving directions.
- Why can't republicans use hand sanitizer? Because the directions say to apply liberally
- Silver side up is Nickelback's best album Especially when used as directed.
- Easter used to be called Wester But they decided to take things in a new direction.
- Some people have no direction They should really use their turn signal more.
- My teen sent my call directly to voicemail on the phone she used to have.
Great Use As Directed Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about use as directed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean use in a sentence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make use as directed pranks.
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
Just one word
With the new school year, teachers hand out those "we'd like to know more about you" forms for the students to fill out. One of the questions was "Use one word to describe yourself". My son's answer:
"Can't follow directions"
Jeffery d**... is in his kitchen, using his blender...
... when his phone goes off in his pocket. It was a notification from the CDC:
"The public is still advised to avoid direct contact from others through cordial gestures during this pandemic, such as hugs or ***handshakes.*** "
"Awwwwww..." Jeffery mopes, as he turns off his blender.
A soldier in my National Guard platoon...
...... became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.
"It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."
"So?"
"For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that I serve for free!"
A couple is fighting more than usual these last few years...
After each fight the wife goes directly to the bathroom and cleans it. Once they make up the husband ask the wife
Why do you clean the bathroom every time we fight?
The wife looks at her husband, it's not only soothing but I use your toothbrush to scrub the toilet
A steamboat captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living, but all the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job, he asked the pilot to let him take the helm...
"Okay..." said the pilot. "But you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?"
"Turn to port!" said the boy.
"Correct!" said the pilot.
"If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?"
"Starboard!" said boy grinning from ear to ear.
"Good for you!" said the pilot.
"And straight?" asked the pilot.
The boy quickly replied, "Without ice!"
Girl: My GrandFather Lived For 96 Years & He Never Used Glasses.
Boy: Yeah I Know, Few People Drink Directly From Bottle.
The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris.
It must use specialized equipment just to gaze upon his silhouette
I used to be a huge fan of tractors.
When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.
11 years later standing in the doorway of a night club, surrounded by smokers my friend leans across to me and says:
This smoke is really unpleasant
I open my lungs, s**... up all the smoke and exhale it far in the other direction.
He says: Wow, how did you do that?
To which I reply: I'm an ex-tractor fan
An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.
The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"
The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"
The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"
The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"
The Greek man says "Yes, but we created beautiful architecture like the Parthenon!"
The Italian says "And we improved your building techniques, and used them to create aqueducts and structures that stood for centuries longer!"
The Greek man, frustrated, finally says "Ah, of course. But the Greeks, we INVENTED s**...!"
The Italian man says "That may be true, but we introduced it to women."