Usain Jokes
97 usain jokes and hilarious usain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about usain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Usain Short Jokes
Short usain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The usain humour may include short swimmer jokes also.
- usain bolt usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black.
- rumour suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him. Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds.
- What's brown and sticky? A stick.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre. - Usain Bolt can reach speeds up to 30 miles per hour. So in certain suburban neighborhoods, he might get arrested. For being black.
- What do the United States and Usain Bolt have in common? They both focus too much on race.
- I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift. He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
- If Bill Gates eats American food and Ghandi eats Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat? fast food
- I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?" It was a running joke.
- I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt I finish in under ten seconds all the time.
- Who is faster? Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?
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Usain One Liners
Which usain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with usain? I can suggest the ones about usain bolt and volt.
- What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.
- Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?
- What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus? He waits at the next station
- After Usain Bolt retires, he'll move to Iran.
- What does a cheetah call Usain Bolt? Fast food
- What do you call Usain bolt when he's running from a lion? Fast food
- Why did the cannibal not eat Usain Bolt? They're cutting back on fast food.
- You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt... Only a cheetah can.
- Usain Bolt lands at an airport his plane lands 10 minutes later.
- Usain Bolt Why can't usain bolt listen to music?
- Because he broke the record! - What did the therapist tell Usain Bolt? You sane, Bolt
- What's brown and runny Usain Bolt
- If Usain Bolt was an electrician... His name would be Usain Volt
- I heard Usain Bolt once won a race while resting. He was fast asleep.
- What will Usain Bolt become when he dies? A dead bolt.
Usain Bolt Jokes
Here is a list of funny usain bolt jokes and even better usain bolt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't Usain Bolt listen to music when he's running? Because the silly fool keeps breaking the records.
- Did you hear about the guy who broke all of Usain Bolt's records? Completely destroyed his precious vinyl collection.
- Usain's little secret. Right before the gun shot, Usain Bolt's head coach, from within the crowd yells out, "Congratulations Usain, You've just become a father."
- Usain Bolt did the 100m in 9.63 seconds.. I can't do anything that quick!
It took me 10 seconds to watch him run it! - What do Cannibals call Usain Bolt Fast food
- I caught Usain Bolt's sweat towel after the race today and promptly rubbed it all over my face I was trying to get usain in my membrane
- Man: Hey Bolt! Get in the car, I'll drop you home! Usain Bolt: Sorry dude, I'm in a hurry.
- Usain Bolt is like a Police Officer He starts off following black men, then catches up and beats them.
- Usain bolt must be a fruit Have you seen that mango
- Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt. "That was dope!"
Cheeky Usain Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about usain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean athlete jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make usain pranks.
Why arent any Usain Bolts in swimming
You dont swim from a robbery do you ?
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
I think my washing machine used to belong to Usain Bolt.
It has a setting for fast coloureds.
Usain Bolt isn't allowed near any elementary schools.
The speed limit is only 40 kph!
What do Gandhi and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both fast
After s**..., my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,
for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.
Usain Bolt and I have a lot in common
I can run for less than 10 seconds and enjoy smoking Degrasse
Only person faster than Usain Bolt
The only person faster than Usain Bolt is the person who said:
*MutualFundInvestmentsAreSubjectToMarketRisk.ReadTheOfferDocumentsCarefullyBeforeInvesting*
What's incredibly fast and smells like curry?
Usain Bolti.
A doctor was visiting a patient
She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?'
Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.'
The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.'
The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'
What do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles call Usain Bolt?
Master Sprinter.
What do you call it when Usain Bolt is standing next to your mom?
A runner in scoring position.
How does Usain Bolt feel after being stripped of one of his Olympic Gold Medals?
Fast and Furious
I judge Usain Bolt based on his race
All of his races, actually.
What do Usain Bolt and h**... have in common?
They're both fast, but h**... was Fascist.
Did you guys hear the one about Usain Bolt in the Olympics?
It was a running joke.
"Well am I dying Doctor"
I asked him as he entered the room with the test results.
"Well everyone is dying" he said
"Well yes but what about me" I asked
" oh" he said "your like the usain bolt of dying"
MAN: Give it to me straight, Doc...am I dying?
DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."
MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"
DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."
BOSS: This team isn't performing, hire someone with a good track record...
[2 wks later]
ME: I'd like you to meet our new employee, Usain Bolt
A pacient is diagnosed with cancer
Patient: Doctor am I dying?
Doctor: we are all dying in different speeds.
Patient: But doctor, what about my case?
Doctor: well...in your case you're Usain Bolt
What do you call a Jamaican with a broken leg?
Usain Halt.
Who is the fastest orc in middle earth?
Usain Bolg
Usain Bolt was going for run around his neighborhood when a policeman pulled him over.
Usain, confused to why he was being apprehended, asked, "Is there a problem with a black man going for a run?"
The cop respond, "No, you were doing 30 in a 15."
what's it called when a white man performs better then usain bolt?
whitening bolt.
I once heard a story about Usain Bolt's tendency to be a womanizer
They said he really gets around
What's the fastest charging battery in the world?
Usain Volt
I have the Usain Bolt of noses
You should see this baby run
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
Why Usain Bolt a mediocre lover?
He always comes first.
Who is the soulmate of Usain Bolt?
Usain Nut
Usain Bolt is very near-sighted, almost blind
The only reason he can run so fast is because he downgraded the graphics
Whats the difference between Usain Bolt, my wife, a t**... and a couple of gay kids?
I can't beat Usain Bolt.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and h**...?
One could actually finish a race.
The big race
It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!
People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!
Because...cheetah's never win.
What do you call the movie about gay Usain bolt
Fast and curious
What's the difference between Usain Bolt and h**...?
One was the fastest and one was a fascist.
What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf h**...?
Usain Bolt knows how to finish a race
