Us Military Jokes
32 us military jokes and hilarious us military puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about us military that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Us Military Short Jokes
Short us military jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The us military humour may include short us army jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today. That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.
- I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
- Did you know there is a Hungry Hippo that was a US Military Veteran? Yeah! He fought in VietNOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM
- Why does the US military use digital camo? They turned down the graphics for better performance
- The American Military will never win another conflict. Our enemies can just ask us to quarantine and we'll immediately refuse to hide.
- The US Navy is starting to worry about the North Korean military. Since all the missles they launch at Washington end up hitting the ocean, the odds are they will eventually hit a ship.
- The US military would be really disappointed when it sits down to brainstorm a name for the nuclear bomb to be dropped on Kim Jong-un and realises that Fatman is already taken.
- What do you do if the US doesn't have money to fund something like universal healthcare? Just say it's for the military.
- What is the difference between vampires and the US military? [politics] Vampires must be invited onto other people's territory.
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Us Military One Liners
Which us military one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with us military? I can suggest the ones about armed forces and armed services.
- What's the most american US military branch? the air force. They're USAF.
- What type of art is the favorite of the US Military? Oil paintings
- What are the two best things about being in the US Military? The 1st and the 15th.
- The "home field advantage" doesn't really apply to the US Military.
- TIL Billy Mays served in the US military It wasn't for long though it was only 1999.
- What did the US think of North Korea's military parade? They were Un-impressed.
- What does the US military and a f**... have in common? Air Force
Laughable Us Military Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about us military you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean military jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make us military pranks.
The US Military today confirmed that two m**... users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.
Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.
A Scottish soldier goes to the US for special military training...
The next day morning he goes to the platoon and after looking at him the officer asks him:
\- Private, did you come here to die?
To which he responds:
\- No sir, I came here yesterday.
Han Solo and Chewbacca joined the US military. Han flew the F-16 Fighting Falcon. What did Chewie fly?
A Harrier.
As a new mechanic in the US military, I must admit I abhor the army standard when working on equipment overseas.
I much prefer the army metric.
At an international military convention during the Cold War,
various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."
A Soviet general, upon hearing this, glared at his American counterpart, pulled out his notepad, and started scribbling furiously. Before the next general could speak, he slapped the table, pointed at the American, and shouted, "You liar! No soldier could possibly eat 7 kilograms of potatoes a day!"
I heard this joke while studying Russian in Georgia. Hopefully it translates to English ok :)
A Boy came home from Sunday School
His mother asked what he learned that day, the boy replied.
'They were teaching us about Moses. Moses had to take the Jews across the Red Sea, so he ordered his military engineers to build a bridge so they can cross the Red Sea, but the Egyptians came chasing after them , so moses ordered his demolition experts to bomb the bridge. All the Egyptians died there.'
'Is that what your teacher told you?' Asked his skeptical mother.
'No.' The boy admitted. 'But you will never believe the version she told us.'
the differences between the branches of the US military
If you tell the Army "Secure that building!"
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to
If you tell the Marines "Secure that building!"
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.
If you tell the Navy "Secure that building!"
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch
If you tell the Air Force "Secure that building!"
They will take out a 30 year lease with an option to buy.
Bathroom Etiquette
An Air Force Major is just finishing up at a u**... when a Marine Corp Captain enters the bathroom. As the Marine is peeing, the Air Force officer makes a show of carefully soaping and scrubbing his hands with military precision. Just as the Air Force Major is drying off his hands, the Marine flushes and heads for the door.
"You know, in the Air Forces they teach us that you should always wash your hands after you pee," says the Air Force Major.
"Really?" replies the Marine. "In the Corp they just teach us not to pee on our hands."