Us Election Jokes
53 us election jokes and hilarious us election puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about us election that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Best Short Us Election Jokes
Short us election jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The us election humour may include short jokes also.
- Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
- I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.
- Why i love being Russian I get to vote in the US election
FYI: I am actually British and never have stepped foot in Russia - Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New zealand.
- Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections? Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people.
- I was going to make a joke about the result of the US election But I don't think you would ever get it
- I kinda want Hillary to win the US election Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.
- Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election? Because he wanted to make America grate again.
- The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years. Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.
- If kanye west actually won the US Election and became the president, I think he would turn America into a communist nation. Because he believes no one man should have all that power.
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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about us election can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of us election puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !
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Us Election One Liners
Which us election one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with us election? I can suggest the ones about and .
- The results of the election are in! Oops, sorry, that info is only for us Russians.
- The 2020 Election Results are in! Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians.
- What do call the world's biggest puppet show? The US presidential election.
Us Election Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about us election you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make us election prank.
The old Priest
In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near.
Yes, Father?" said the Nurse.
"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse.
The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.
Reid agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you neared the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen," said Obama. "Amen," said Reid.
The old Priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; in fulfilling that consummate desire, I wanted to do the same."
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
A Racist, a viciously jealous wife and a socialist walk into a room...
Welcome to the US General election debate!
What's the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?
News of the elections is getting old.
Maybe Trump is right,and he's been warning us all along
If he's elected, there will be a wall, and mexico will pay for it, to keep americans out
I'm really disappointed that Jill Stein is not the female Wallstreet-corporate puppet of the 2016 US Presidential election...
As I'll never get to use the term "shill Stein"
As a brown person in the US...
People would yell at me to get out of their country and I would get offended and feel attacked.
After election 2016, I just reply, "thanks for the concern! You should too!"
I'm sorry, you'll have to come back later. Satan's out for a week.
He's rigging the US Election for an old friend.
Imagine they make a comedy movie about the 2016 us election in 2116...
The funniest part would be "Based on a true story"
*Spoiler* US Presidential Election Result Leaked
The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins.
The US has avoided disaster..
by electing Donald Trump, our country's cumulative sigh of relief that surely would've thrown our planet out of its orbit and into the sun, has been avoided.
Pyongyang launches nuclear missile following end of US election
Just kidding, thought I should lighten the mood a little.
Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.
It'll be called ehHarmony
With our national debt...
As he has first hand experience, we just elected the best person to the job to file bankruptcy for the US.
If the US elections were a series, what would be the title of it's latest season finale?
Orange is the new black.
What is the worst thing about a joke that promotes bigotry?
He was elected President of the US.
I went to the local library
And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016
For the 2028 US presidential elections, an honest candidate with sensible policy and a clean track record is nominated as a party candidate.
... yup, that's the joke. That's all.
if Trump's presidency has taught us anything its that being elected president is easy..
but being President, now that's hard.
The United States is using an interesting strategy against Russia for interfering with another country's election.
Apparently, the US already had a patent on that.
You know what the French Presidential Election has taught us?
Le Pen is mightier than the sword.
Trumps election win is like his e**...
He keeps on telling us that it was large, magnificent, and very hard. But we all know it was small, pathetic, and needed a little assistance to happen.
What TV show can you compare to the 2016 US presidential elections?
Orange is the new black.
Canada was shocked when they heard the US had adopted the Loonie .
Elected him president even.
Evidence found of millions of Facebook posts by foreign agents trying to influence US election. After finding out it was all the i**... immigrants the democrats quickly lost interest in pursuing it
What does the US and Russia have in common?
Both of their elected leaders are current or former Russian Intelligence Agents.
A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose
Soon, reporters are on the scene.
"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"
"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"
"What do you do for fun"
"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"
"Who'd you vote for in the last election"
"Trump."
The next day, the headline reads:
*GUN TOTING RIGHT WING CRAZY REPUBLICAN CRAZED VETERAN CAPITALIST PUNCHES AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT IN THE FACE, STEALS HIS LUNCH*
The US is the only country in the world to say "Our president is such a d**......
I bet a monkey could do a better job" and then actually follow through by electing an orangutan as their president.
Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?
The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!
My mother-in-law can m**... any joke.
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
I don't get people who try to predict the next US presidential election
I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision?
What do you call it when you see two s**... predators running?
2020 US Presidential Election
It's 294 days after the US Election...
...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on 'Storage Wars'. More updates coming soon.
What does a bidet and 46th US President-Elect Biden have in common?
They both clean up after a**...
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...
God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.
Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?
God: Joseph R. Biden
Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* s**... dude, this goes even deeper than we thought
a Trumper dies and goes to heaven.
After getting processed in by St.Peter he goes to find God. He finds God in the garden listening to the birds.
M: "Can I ask you something?"
G: "Anything my child"
M: "Who was the rightful victor of the 2020 US election?"
G: "Joe Biden won fair and square my child"
M: "This goes higher up than I thought."
I'm not sure about the current US government
Kinda feels like they're just Biden time until the next election..
Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!
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The impact of these us election jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.