Urinating Jokes
33 urinating jokes and hilarious urinating puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about urinating that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Urinating Short Jokes
Short urinating jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The urinating humour may include short peeing jokes also.
- I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton - My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful. I told her, "urinate out of ten."
- I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.. - Putin asks Zelenskyi: 'When I'm dead, I bet you will come to urinate on my grave?" Zelenskyi: "Nah. Never been fond of waiting in line."
- I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters accidentally and your whole joke is urined.
- One time I walked into a bathroom and there were no urinals I thought, "huh... that's strange." The girls that came in after me were apparently pretty freaked out by it too.
- What does it sound like when a Pterodactyl urinates? There is no sound... The P is silent.
- It's my job to fully test the functionality of newly-manufactured toilets and urinals. I go where no man has ever gone before.
- l asked my wife to rate my listening skills… l asked my wife to rate my listening
skills and she said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to
urinate on a skeleton. - My 8 year old daughter just told me a Joke I had never heard before. Why can't you hear a Pysduck urinating ?
Because the p is silent.
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Urinating One Liners
Which urinating one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with urinating? I can suggest the ones about urinate and public urination.
- Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals. It makes them soggy and hard to light.
- I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
- Why don't men install urinals in their houses? Their wives just wouldn't stand for it :)
- How do you keep men on their toes? Raise the urinals
- Apparently it's no longer OK to urinate in the ocean. I'm told it's not pee sea.
- I'd have to say, on a scale from 1 to Pee... urinate
- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of the silent P.
- What happens when you claim an island by peeing on it? Urination
- Why won't you ever hear a psychopath urinate? Because the p is silent
- Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl? Because the pee is silent.
- What did the American say to the German urinating in public? European illegally!
- Screw dudes who throw cigarettes into urinals Makes them so difficult to re-light.
- What kind of Nuts urinates? A peanut.
- Why can't you hear psychologists urinate? Because the P is silent.
- Do you want to join the "P" club? Congratulations, ur-ine!
Heartwarming Urinating Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about urinating you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peeing outside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make urinating pranks.
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has p**... Trump s**... in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the u**..., and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
I looked her square in the eyes and said, "s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?"
"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.
A pee f**... isn't something you do half-hearted.
Either u**... or you're out.
Son. if you get a bladder infection…
u**... Trouble
Me: s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?
Interviewer: I meant any questions about the job.
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
When I was 6 I found out I had a life threathening disease. I had to cover myself in u**... once a day to stay alive
I am just lucky my brother told me about it
If your u**... looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated.
But if it looks like bud light, you're good.
Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club.
1. Back straight, knees bent.
2. Feet shoulder width apart.
3. Form a loose grip.
4. Keep your head down!
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please while others are preparing.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Well done. Now, flush the u**... and go outside and tee off.
Whenever I tell someone I sleep like a baby they always seem pleased
I should probably find a different metaphor for waking up at 3am screaming, covered in my own u**....
A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"
The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."
I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.
The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."
The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.
He grunted "I had a fight with a rottweiler..."
The third man, an elderly, absent-minded looking guy, was peeing 30 streams.
"Oh my gosh, what the h**... happened to you?!?" I gasped.
He looked down, then sighed.
"Oh dear, I forgot to pull down my zipper again."
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
I met someone online who shares my f**... for urinating on dried fruit...
Next week we're going to go on a date
A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.
Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a u**... sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your u**.... You're diabetic." She says.
Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."
"Sure thing, sweet pee."
As a child I had a severe condition where I had to drink my own u**... else I would die
Lucky my brother told me about it before it was too late.
