Urinate Jokes

46 urinate jokes and hilarious urinate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about urinate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Urinate Short Jokes

Short urinate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The urinate humour may include short urinating jokes also.

  1. I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
    I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
  2. My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful. I told her, "urinate out of ten."
  3. I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
    "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
    I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton..
  4. Putin asks Zelenskyi: 'When I'm dead, I bet you will come to urinate on my grave?" Zelenskyi: "Nah. Never been fond of waiting in line."
  5. I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters accidentally and your whole joke is urined.
  6. One time I walked into a bathroom and there were no urinals I thought, "huh... that's strange." The girls that came in after me were apparently pretty freaked out by it too.
  7. What does it sound like when a Pterodactyl urinates? There is no sound... The P is silent.
  8. It's my job to fully test the functionality of newly-manufactured toilets and urinals. I go where no man has ever gone before.
  9. l asked my wife to rate my listening skills… l asked my wife to rate my listening
    skills and she said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
    I still don't get why she wanted me to
    urinate on a skeleton.
  10. My 8 year old daughter just told me a Joke I had never heard before. Why can't you hear a Pysduck urinating ?
    Because the p is silent.

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Urinate One Liners

Which urinate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with urinate? I can suggest the ones about public urination and peeing.

  1. Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals. It makes them soggy and hard to light.
  2. I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
  3. Why don't men install urinals in their houses? Their wives just wouldn't stand for it :)
  4. How do you keep men on their toes? Raise the urinals
  5. Apparently it's no longer OK to urinate in the ocean. I'm told it's not pee sea.
  6. I'd have to say, on a scale from 1 to Pee... urinate
  7. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of the silent P.
  8. What happens when you claim an island by peeing on it? Urination
  9. Why won't you ever hear a psychopath urinate? Because the p is silent
  10. Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl? Because the pee is silent.
  11. What did the American say to the German urinating in public? European illegally!
  12. Screw dudes who throw cigarettes into urinals Makes them so difficult to re-light.
  13. What kind of Nuts urinates? A peanut.
  14. Why can't you hear psychologists urinate? Because the P is silent.
  15. Do you want to join the "P" club? Congratulations, ur-ine!

Urinate joke, Do you want to join the "P" club?

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Urinate Jokes

What funny jokes about urinate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pee your pants jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make urinate pranks.

I've been watching you urinate in the pool..

Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?

Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to p**....

"Billy, we don't say p**.... We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any t**... you'd be a ten."

Different body parts rate each other

The Brain to the Liver: You're a 6.
The Spleen to the Colon: You're a 7.
The u**... to the Bladder: Urinate.

A man comes to see a urologist...

"When is your earliest urination in the day and how regular is it"? - the doctor asks him.
"Every day, at exactly 8:00, I urinate" - the man responds.
"That's good. How about defecation? Any obstruction"?
"Every day, at exactly 8:10, I d**..., without any obstructions whatsoever" - the man responds.
"That's good, too. But why did you come to see me, then"?
"Because I don't wake up until 9:00"!

Before I rush off to the bathroom to pee, I just wanted to tell you what a good friend you are to me.

on a scale from 1 to 10...

In a circus full of people the entertainer walks onto the stage

"Ladies and gentlemen! Up next is our brand new act. Welcome to the stage - the boy with a phenomenal memory".
Following the entertainers introduction, a boy comes out from behind the stage, starting to unzip his pants.
"Now the said boy is going to urinate on everyone in the front row!", - announced the entertainer.
People in the front are confused and terrified, they start to hussle, trying to leave their seats, when the entertainer exclaims:
"There's no use in running, ladies and gentlemen! The boy has a phenomenal memory!"

Every time I urinate, I end up m**....

I never know if I'm coming or going.


The teacher asked the class to use the word urinate in a sentence. No-one put up their hand for a while until, way in the back, little Johhny started waving his hand around.
"OK" sighed the teacher, "What is your sentence Johnny?"
My dad says urinate.
>!But if you had bigger t**... you'd be a nine!!<

I asked my wife to rate my hearing skills

She said " i think you are an 8 on a scale of 10".
I still don't know why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton?

I have this problem that when I c**..., I urinate instead.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Why did George Lucas Cross The Road?

To urinate on my childhood and sell it back to be on blu-ray for $80.

On a scale from 1 to 10 on how bad you need to use the restroom...

I'd say urinate.

I love clarified butter but it makes me urinate way too frequently

Ghee whizz

What do you call it when you can't urinate because you feel the presence of others around you?

Peer pressure.

You wont hear a pterodactyl urinate

..because its pee is silent

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

A man with a disorder that makes him urinate randomly is talking to another man with an Italian accent.

He is confused by his accent and asks what nationality he is. The Italian man replies, European!

What did the toilet say when he was hitting on another toilet?

On a scale from one to ten, urinate.

Can you use urinate in a sentance?

A teacher is going over a vocabulary lesson with her class. She asked if they can use the word urinate in a sentance to show they know what it means. Tommy raises his hand and says "teacher before bed every night I have to urinate" the teacher says "very good tommy,, anyone else?" Billy raises his hand and promptly gets called on. He says "teacher, *you're an 8* but if you had bigger b**... you'd be a 10"

Why can't anyone ever hear a Pterodactyl urinate?

Because the P is silent

Urinate joke, Why can't anyone ever hear a Pterodactyl urinate?