Urgently Jokes

25 urgently jokes and hilarious urgently puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about urgently that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Urgently Short Jokes

Short urgently jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The urgently humour may include short desperately jokes also.

  1. Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen:Wife: I am coming with the broom. Husband: It isn't urgent. You can come on foot
  2. We need more hospitals and doctors in Punjab, India...urgently! There are a lot of Sikh people out there
  3. My neighbor was very urgent when asking me for herbs. He said that he was running out of thyme.
  4. After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES
  5. My mum was rushed to hospital so I left a voicemail for my dad. "Dad, can you call me urgently?" I got a phone call from him, "Hi Urgently"
  6. Urgent news: A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archologist believe it maybe Pharaoh Roche...
  7. A man is in urgent need for transplant buttocks after an accident. Doctors report no end in sight.
  8. Dad : son, go get me some laundry soap. Son : do u really need it now?
    Dad : yes, you can say it's det-urgent!
  9. Kim Jong-un makes an urgent call to his top General... "When I said 'Nuke the Chinese' I meant heat up last night's take-away!"
  10. Why didn't Napoleon qualify for the urgent marrow transplant? They couldn't get his bonepart

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Urgently One Liners

Which urgently one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with urgently? I can suggest the ones about frantically and hurriedly.

  2. Can you put the pin back in a grenade? It's kind of urgent. Need and answer fast.
  3. URGENT: Do not open any emails from Hormel Foods It might be SPAM!
  4. I'm addicted to seaweed. I need to sea kelp urgently
  5. URGENT BREAKING NEWS... Corduroy pillow cases are making all the headlines.
  6. Just got diagnosed serious case of ligma. What to do and how? Help me , urgent.
  7. what did taylor swift say when she urgently needed a new suit? tailor, swiftly please.
  8. The urgent care center in town was torn down... was clinically depressed
  9. What do you call a South American girl who's always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
  10. It must be an urgent win ... for Argentina
  11. Urgent message must be sent to JonTron

Urgently joke, Urgent message must be sent to JonTron

Cheerful Fun Urgently Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about urgently you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean promptly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make urgently pranks.

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…

"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.
Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!"
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Quick, give me a whisky before it gets started!

A man walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Quick, give me a whisky before it gets started!"
"Before what gets started?"
"Never mind, just give me a whisky, quick!"
It sounds urgent, so the barman gives him a drink.
The customer downs it in one gulp and says, "Another, quick, before it gets started!"
The barman gives him another whisky.
But when the man asks for a third one he says, "Hang on, when are you going to pay for these?"
"Oh here we go," says the man, "It's started."

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!
It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

A zoo's only gorilla dies...

so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!


NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."

Need a Break!

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"

An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving...

He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!"

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"

Urgent message to all older men...

There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have already lost four wallets this week. But you can buy cheap wallets at the dollar store.

Urgently joke, We need more hospitals and doctors in Punjab, India...urgently!