Upside Jokes

Following is our collection of Upside funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Upside jokes

My new favorite sex position is called "wow".

It's where I turn your mom upside down.

sapnu puas

Turn it upside down ;)

My highschool bully still takes my lunch money...

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

If your boat turns upside down you can wear it on your head

It's capsized.

Today I was helping a friend install his fence, but I put in one of the stakes upside down so we had to do it over.

Sorry for the repost.

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

I tried masturbating upside down last night ...

I don't know what come over me.

The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war

while French people remove the red and blue colour

You know you can fit any boat on your head

Just flip it upside down. That makes it capsized

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

Marylou

One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" cried the husband.

"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"

"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.

Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.

"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.

"Your horse called."

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.

My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."

Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"

Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.

A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...

He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.

The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"

The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."

"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."

The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"

How many gays can you put on a barstool?

Four, if you put it upside down.

Credit to my gay friend Wheezie.

I got 66 problems

And being upside down is one of them

I was diagnosed with insomnia and it's made me quite sad.

But ok the upside, only three more sleeps until Christmas!

Wanna get some blood!

One night at about 2:00am, 2 bats were hanging upside down, when one bat nudged the other bat's wing...'hey you wanna go and get some blood, a midnight snack?'
The other bat says...' now where the heck are we going to get blood at 2:00 in the morning?'
So the other bat says 'if you dont want to go, fine I'll go by myself'


About 30 minutes later the first bat came back with blood dripping out of his mouth, and all over his body.
The second bat says' hey where did you get all that blood?' and the first bat says 'see that tree over there?'
'Yeah' says the second bat...
'Well I didn't', said the first bat.

My grandpa said he was built upside down

He said his nose runs and his feet smell.

A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,

But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.

The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!

After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.

There is an upside to eating Tide Pods....

It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave

The first bat asks the second, Do you remember the worst day of your life?



I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.

What makes the noise of a cow when you turn it upside down?

A cow.

Once upon a time, there was a baby turtle...

...and this turtle was trying to climb one of the highest trees in the forest. It was an arduous and time consuming job, but the little turtle kept going for hours and hours, until he finally reached the top of the tree. Once there, he looks down, counts to three, and jumps off. The little turtle, bounces off a couple of branches and lands on the ground upside down. He fought and fought, and finally, got on his feet and was determined to climb that tree again. After a couple more hours, he finally reached the top, counted to three, and jumped again. He bounced off the branches and once again landed on his shell. Even more determined than before the turtle gets on his feet, climbs the tree and jumps once more.
A couple of feet away there were two pigeons who were watching the events unfold, when one of them says to the other "Honey, I think it's time to tell little Jimmy that he's adopted."

What do you get when you turn a blonde girl upside down?

A brunette with bad breath

Two Irishmen have a bright idea...

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy,

"I'm gonna get the day off. I'm gonna pretend I've gone mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb!"

Murphy watches in amazement.

The foreman shouts: "Paddy, go home. You've gone mad."

So Paddy leaves the site. Murphy starts packing is kit up to leave as well.

"Where do you think you're going?" asks the foreman.

"Well, I can't work in the friggin dark!" said Murphy.

On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted...

...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator).

I saw an upside down number 6, and I thought...

'That's odd'

How do you get 4 hookers to sit on a stool?

You turn it upside down.

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

The upside to your parachute not working

You have the rest of your life to fix it!

Two Irishmen are nailing a floor

Patty picks up a nail, looks at it and throws it away. He picks up another, looks at it and throws it away as well. Mick sees him and asks what he's doing.
Patty - Them nails were no good, they were upside down.
Mick - You idiot, save those ones for the roof...

A lawyer and a cop

A lawyer ran a stop sign and was immediately pulled over by a cop. The lawyer started shouting, "I slowed down! No one was coming! What's the difference?"

The cop asked him to step out of his car. As soon as the lawyer was out, the cop pulled out his baton and starting beating the guy. Quickly, left, right, upside the head, everywhere.

After a few minutes, the officer stops, looks at the lawyer and says, "Now....do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"

A guy walks into a bar..

.... he notices a monkey sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender, "what's with the monkey?" The bartender walks around, sits next to the monkey, and smacks it upside the head with a pan. The monkey goes down and gives him a bj. The bartender walks back and says "pretty cool eh, you want to give it a try?" The guy thinks for a second and says "yea sure, why not, just don't hit me so hard with that pan"

Is there any upside to living in Switzerland??

The flag is a big plus.

What do you get when you turn 4 blondes upside down?

4 brunettes

Tom is hanging with John and John's monkey...

...and John asks "Do you want to see something cool?" and Tom says yes. John then smacks his monkey upside the head and the monkey starts sucking John off.

John asks Tom if he wants some of that and Tom says "Yea, just don't smack me upside the head too hard."

Turn your phone upside down to read the following message.

sapnu puas

A psychiatrist is being shown around a mental hospital.

After being shown around the corridors he walks into a room with two patients, one hanging from the roof upside down, and the other in the middle of the room cutting a piece of wood with a saw.

Doctor: Umm... What is it your doing?

First patient: What do you mean, what am I doing... Im sawing this piece of wood... What are you stupid?

Doctor: Okay... sorry... Well what about your friend over there?

First patient: Oh him... Don't worry about him... Hes a few sandwiches short of a picnic.... he thinks he's a light bulb....

Doctor: He's your friend... Why don't you get him down?

First patient: What, and work in the dark???

Why does your blood rush to your head when you're upside down but not to your feet when you're right side up?

Your feet aren't empty.

What do Australians call upside down cake?

Cake.

Some words look lit when read upside down

Like " sapnu puaS "

My dad told me he put a draw bridge at our house.

Turns out, he installed the garage door upside down.

The PPSH-41 is a soviet gun, which a lot of people disliked. It cost too much to reload with a fire rate of 1000 bpm, and had horrible recoil and aim.

Now, this gun is widely unpopular, but it had one upside: in the russian alphabet, PPSH consisted of three letters, pronounced Pa Pa Sha . In russian, papasha means daddy , and so the popular nickname for this gun was daddy . My older sister was shot by one during her time in the army, and luckily survived.

But I guess she can't let go of the fact that Daddy shot a load in her.

Two Irish men are in a plane when the roof comes off!

Donal says to Paddy, "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out?"

"No way Donal" says Paddy, smiling, "we'll still be best friends."

You know what they say about non sequiturs...

I LOVE pineapple upside down cake!

(I just made this up today, and I'm so proud. I told my coworkers, but they told me to stop doing drugs.)

I fell off the top rung of a 30 foot ladder today...

... fortunately I was using it upside down.

ɯǝlqoΙΉd lɐɔᴉuΙ₯ɔǝʇ llɐɯs ɐ ǝʌɐΙ₯ I ˙ɐᴉlɐɹʇsnβˆ€ Ι―oɹɟ Ζ†Τ€ ʍǝu ɐ pǝɹǝpΙΉo I

Read it upside down

How can you tell if you're upside down?

Your nose is running and you're feet smell

During wartime, the Philippine flag is flipped upside down so the red part is on top

The same thing is done with the French flag, but instead they remove the red and blue colors

My physics teacher told me that even though I may feel down, that there's always an upside in life

So she pushed me into the pool and begun the lesson on buoyancy.

What do you call a blonde upside down?

A brunette with bad breath.

The word mom looks like wow upside down

Just like your mom

I heard this pitiful joke when I was a teen.

Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes