Amusing & Witty Upset Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a s**... forest
A little upset to find out he came back
My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther
He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils...
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
A little boy wants his toy,
A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Drivers License?
Because she got an F in s**....
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
I saw some crippled kid getting picked on the other day...
He got kinda upset with me when I told him to stand up for himself.
A piece of string walks into a bar
A piece of string walks into a bar and walks up to the counter.
The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get lost."
Upset, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up.
He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?"
"No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."
You can explore upset anxiously reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean upset understandably dad jokes. There are also upset puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why was the ink blot upset?
Because his father was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
My parents raised me as an only child...
Which really upset my sister
My girlfriend lost all her hair during chemotherapy and she was crying for hours.
I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."
Two angels run out of w**......
One angel is very upset but the other consoles him. "Fear not," he says and he points to Jesus. "For he has resin."
My son was so upset when he didn't get a gaming pc for his birthday
luckily, this playstation was able to..........console him
I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.
She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.
I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.
Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.
At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today.
She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert
I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old
The police are pretty upset about it.
A hero comes to a village...
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill...
They can finally legally own a black person again.
My doctor told me I have a tumor
At first I was upset, but it's starting to grow on me
I don't understand why people are so upset about Harambe
I mean, gorillas get shot by white cops all the time.
I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."
And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.
It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M-
A-N. 1948. HUGE upset.
Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true.
My wife and I decided to not have children.
The kids are pretty upset.
People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.
I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.
I don't understand why ...
I don't understand why Mexicans are so upset that Trump is going to build a wall.
They should just get over it.
If foreigners are upset to have had their visas cancelled...
Why don't they just apply for MasterCards instead?
Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.
They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!
My wife left me because I bought the new Nintendo, but I'm not even upset...
...it was time for a Switch.
I went shopping with my wife today...
When I came across a group of women in short skirts.
I looked over to my wife and said "Ooh, I bet you wish you had legs like *those*"
She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was upset; I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into Waitrose.
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!
The doctor said my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again.
I can't tell you how upset I am.
He got the order wrong
Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?
My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch.
They got really upset and started to cry.
Scratch is a s**... name for a cat anyway..
I think my dog is upset I quit doing drugs
He hasn't talked to me since the last time I dropped acid.
I used to know an Italian chef.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.
I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.
it was a farfalle from grace.
A woman's on vacation and calls home
She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."
My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back
It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
I once upset a girl I knew who was into necrophilia she told me I should...
...kill myself. I don't know if she was threatening me or hitting on me.
A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...
when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."
A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket
He said, " How could someone stoop so low"
I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.
He said, Eh. I'll get over it.
A burglar stole all the light bulbs in my house
I know I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted!
My wife always said that she wanted the body of an 18 year old...
... but she got really upset at me when I actually brought her one.
My Girlfriend is turning 32 soon.
I told her not to get her hopes up.
After all, I say, we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute.
She seemed upset and demanded to know why i would do that to her.
I calmly pointed out,
This is your thirty-second birthday...
My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.
I said, Don't cry over skilled m**....
The two girls I met at a party were quite upset when I called them hipsters.
Apparently, the correct term is 'conjoined twins'.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
The other day I bought a thesaurus. I opened it up and all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how upset I was.
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel
My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
I told my wife she shouldn't get upset when people call her fat
Because she's bigger than that.
Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?
She was never able to receive her Severus package.
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
They get really upset.
Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"
I f**... in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my f**... while I'm outside in the fresh air."
Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?
>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<
I didn't realize how bigoted my family was until I brought my gay black boyfriend home
My parents were fairly upset but my wife was absolutely livid.
My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it.
I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one
She got even more upset and shouted at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!
The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the m**... when she got pregnant!
All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!!!
A woman in my office died.
A woman in my office died.
It's not like I didn't notice but for months afterwards I kept on copying her into emails.
Some people got upset and I was like
'Sorry - I CC dead people.'
My friend came by today, he looked visibly upset. He said he just slept with his third cousin.
I told him if it upsets you so much, quit counting them.
My British friend told me he lost 50 pounds.
He seemed really upset when I congratulated him.
I was real upset when I lost my nonbinary friend at the store
But I felt better when someone told me "They're there"
When my kid is upset I let her colour my tattoo!
She just needs a shoulder to Crayon
A couple aged 101 and 98 was about to get a divorce.
The judge sadly asks "Oh c'mon now, you've been married for 80 years, why did you decide to get a divorce?"
"I mean, sir..." said the woman "We actually wanted a divorce for a long time but did not want our children to get upset so waited for them to die"
Whenever my wife is upset
Whenever my Wife is upset, I let her color in my black and white tattoos.
Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to crayon..
A few hours ago I dropped a piece of ice
It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.
I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.
She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Long ago in a far away land,
A hero comes upon a village. The villagers all look very upset, so the hero asks what happened.
"There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it comes down and eats one of our v**... girls" one of the villagers replies.
The hero then promises to help with their predicament and gets to work.
In three weeks' time, the dragon starved to death.
I was almost upset that my coffee tasted like dirt today
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Valentine's....
For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's cards from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my gran dies, now this!
Superman once went to a party.
Some people wore bitcoin suits, other dogecoin. Superman was upset, no one told him it was a crypto night.
My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard n**...
Personally though, I'm on the fence.
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at s**... than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up.
But it made her even more upset.
She screamed at me saying, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.
I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!
The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset... She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at s**... than you." Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?" Helen: "No, the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She shouted at me and said, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
I'm in an age gap relationship.
I'm 40, she's 19.
Anyway, we went out for a meal, as soon as we walked in the restaurant people shot me dirty looks, then the whispering started "nonce", "pervert" "paedo.
My girlfriend got upset and we left.
Completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
"Drive that thing like you stole it!"
One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."
My friend got upset at me because I said that Jathan is a weird name.
He was like "are you THERIOUTH right now?"
I look like a cop but I'm actually a s**......
I went to the convience store the other day to get rolling papers. I said to the clerk, "Papers, please." He gets upset and yells "Hey man I'm a citizen!"
Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos.
Sometimes she needs a shoulder to crayon.
My wife was upset that the dog was considered man's best friend. She maintains that a spouse should be considered my best friend.
So I locked them both in the trunk of my car and drove around for twenty minutes. Guess which one was happiest to see me when I let them out?
My wife knows I've been cheating.
She found the letters that I've been hiding around the house.
She says she is upset. She says she is angry. She feels disappointed, let down an hurt.
She's lost trust and doesn't know how we can get past it.
Worst of all though, she says she doesn't know if she can ever play Scrabble with me again.
A woman boards a bus with her baby.
The bus driver looks at her baby and exclaims, "Yikes! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman, now obviously upset, walks to the back of the bus and finds a seat next to another man. She says, "I'm upset, the driver just insulted me!"
The man responds, "You shouldn't let anyone insult you. Go up there and tell him off. I'll hold your monkey for you until you're back."
A guy gets into work late one day, clearly upset.
His co-worker asks him Hey Jim, what happened, man? Why are you late?
I got a flat on the way in. Cost me at least an hour dealing with it, Jim grumbles.
How'd you get a flat?
Eh, I ran over a bottle in the middle of a crosswalk.
In the middle of a crosswalk? Didn't you see it?
Nah - d**... kid had it under his coat.
Italian in a courtroom extremely upset
The judge tries to calm him down and says "Just relax, its a fine!" The Italian goes "No! Its a not!"
