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Ups Jokes

175 ups jokes and hilarious ups puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ups that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best grown ups jokes, push ups jokes, fedex ups jokes.

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Funniest Ups Short Jokes

Short ups jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ups humour may include short shipping jokes also.

  1. called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift they said VR ready
  2. My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups... That's the last time I buy A Dell.
  3. My wife told me, Every day, you should do at least 20 sit-ups. I said, That sounds like physical ab use.
  4. My first dad joke as a new father Fiance: "What's the difference between a carousel and a merry go round?"
    Me: "I don't know but they have their ups and downs"
    ...it begins
  5. I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use
  6. So, I delivered a baby today... Easily my weirdest day at FedEx.
    I'm joking, of course.
    I work for UPS.
  7. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They're going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
  8. called UPS in Germany today to ask when they were shipping my Oculus Rift they said "VR ready"
  9. Life is like a basketball... It has its ups and downs and is controlled by people that are taller and make more money than you.
  10. What does the moon do when it needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
    Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.

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Ups One Liners

Which ups one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ups? I can suggest the ones about mail and delivery.

  1. Break ups are the worst in China... You see her face everywhere.
  2. Why can't t-rexs do push ups? Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.
  3. How do flowers stay in shape for spring? They do petal-ups and tulip-overs!
  4. In a progressively incestuous household... ...it's about upping the auntie
  5. How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them
  6. Why is it best to ship boxes using a UPS truck? The DOWNS truck is a little slow.
  7. I just got a new job as an elevator engineer It has its ups and downs
  8. I called German UPS to ask them when they would ship my Rift.. They said, "VR ready."
  9. FedEx and UPS tried working together once Didn't last long as they became FedUp.
  10. What langue do UPS men speak? Parcel Tongue
  11. What makes a UPS joke funny? The delivery
  12. Do you like UPS jokes? Because I don't care if you get it or not.
  13. FedEx and UPS recently merged Now they're FedUp
  14. I bought a new ladder this week... ...it has its ups and downs.
  15. I use to have a job working in an elevator... it had its ups and downs

Push Ups Jokes

Here is a list of funny push ups jokes and even better push ups puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • While in Soviet Russia, I went to visit a doctor. "What happened to you?" He said.
    "Migraine" i replied.
    He bent forward, push upped his glasses and said, "Correction. Ourgrain."
  • My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV Man... I love Netflix!
  • Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups ... He does Earth downs.
  • Push-ups are easy. I can do them with my eyes closed.
  • My therapist said some exercises would add me several years... and he was right. I've made 15 push-ups right now and I feel like I'm 85 years old.
  • Yo mama's so fat, She tried to do push-ups, but just bench pressed the earth
  • Did you hear that the unions for Bridgestone, FedEx, and UPS are pushing for a merger? They wanted to be rebranded as The Local Tired and FedUp.
  • Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
  • I was just talking to this chick, i said I can do 80 push ups. She said Get out of here. I said Yep, do you want me to show you? She said No, I mean, get out of the women's toilets!
  • Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.

Fedex Ups Jokes

Here is a list of funny fedex ups jokes and even better fedex ups puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A FedEx driver, UPS driver, and USPS driver walk into a bar... Nevermind, you wouldn't get the delivery from the FedEx driver.
  • My wife, an FBI agent, left me because I'm a low level UPS dockworker. Soon enough, though... She'll be my FedEx.
  • There is going to be a merger between FedEx and UPS.. Yep, they're going to be called "FedUp"
  • What do you get to you cross Fed-Ex with UPS? Fed Up
  • I've heard FedEx and UPS are going to merge. They're going to be known as FedUp from now on.
  • Did you hear about the merger between UPS and Fed-Ex? The new name will be Fed-Up.
  • Friend told me this one today. Fed Ex and UPS Did you hear Fed-Ex and UPS joined together and made a conglomerate?They called it fed up.
  • Did you hear the news that UPS and Fed-ex are going to merge? They're going to be called Fed-UPS.
  • Why do women prefer to bang UPS drivers over FedEx drivers? FedEx drivers tend to come early.
  • With all the havoc that Christmas deliveries bring, FedEx and UPS decided to come together. Now they're FedUp.

Ups Package Jokes

Here is a list of funny ups package jokes and even better ups package puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is house arrest for grown-ups? "Your package will be delivered tomorrow between 9AM and 5PM."
  • UPS- Your package has been delivered Me- Ok, thanks, but why was it livered in the first place?
  • Dating a UPS employee is great They really know how to handle your package
  • I competed in a contest to see who could throw a package the farthest. I won and got the job as an UPS driver!
  • The UPS guy accidentally dropped my package Ups
  • Yo girl, are you from UPS? Cause I saw you checkin' out my package.
  • Excuse me, do you work for UPS? Because I swear I saw you checking out my package.
  • I told my girlfriend she should work at UPS She's good at handling packages
  • I deliver jokes the same way UPS delivers packages... ...mangled and missing the most important parts.
  • FedEx has come up with a new slogan to compete with UPS "You'll get your package in a blast!"

Start Ups Jokes

Here is a list of funny start ups jokes and even better start ups puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • J.K. Rowling started out writing children's literature. Then she tried her hand at writing books for grown-ups. Now she's back to writing for children. Apparently Twitter's her new gig.
  • So I just started working as a truck unloader at UPS... ...or should I say, stealing.
  • My dad worked in the elevator business He started on the ground floor but eventually made his way to the top.
    Finally quit because there were too many ups and downs on the job.
  • A popular flavored almond brand has started a new program to help those in need put gasoline their car They're calling it Blue Diamond Fill-Ups
  • I'm starting to think that the gym isn't really for me anymore I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later..

Grown Ups Jokes

Here is a list of funny grown ups jokes and even better grown ups puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In Germany the grown ups are kind... ...but the children are kinder.
  • Grown-ups fooled us by making us think we would be superheroes on adulthood Firefighter, Broker, Waterboy, Machinist, Driller, Embalmer, Goldsmith, Hydrologist, Lifeguard, Naturopath
  • Pluto is 4.5 billion years old, but yet it is not allowed to sit at the grown-ups' table.
  • lego bricks are like b**...... ...They're designed for kids, but it's the grown-ups who have more fun with them. Oh, and it hurts when someone steps on them.
  • What do train sets and b**... have in common? They're both meant for children but grown-ups love them.

Hilarious Ups Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about ups you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean push ups jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ups pranks.

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."

Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...

Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"

What do you call a s**... UPS driver?

A mail e**...

My wife asked me if I like sunrises or sunsets better. I said,

They both have their ups and downs

My friend at the UPS really wants to be a comedian..

... but he has a lot of work to do on his delivery

I thought about quitting m**... for good.

But, ultimately, I decided to just get a grip. Despite all the ups and downs, I'm just not prepared for anything to get out of hand.

I do 10 sit ups every morning

It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

Little Johnny, The UPS Guy, And Johnny's Mom

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and r**..., and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

My girlfriend broke up with me at the fairground...

We'd been on the see saws and, you know, we'd really had our ups and downs.
Then we went on the biggest ride at the fair. That was a rollercoaster.
Then we got to the carousel.
"I don't think this is working" she said
And she was right. It didn't feel like we were going anywhere.
Then she said... I don't remember what she said, she was just going around and around in circles.

Buying a hoarder a birthday gift has its ups and downs...

On one hand, they already have everything. On the other, they'll always cherish your present.

My bro asked what's it like being diabetic?

I said it has its highs and lows I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said it has its ups and downs

Break Ups.....

Girl : I am breaking up with you.
Boy: Ok!
Girl : You will never find somebody like me again.....
Boy : Thank God!

I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.

It had its ups and downs.

I'm excited for Minecraft's caves&cliffs update

But it will probably have its ups and downs.

I had a friend who worked as a trampoline salesman for several years. I once asked him how that line of work was…

To which he replied It has its ups and downs .

What do you call a retired UPS worker?

Post-age
(Sorry if repost)

Did you hear about the new shipping company merger?

COVID has skyrocketed the demand for delivery services, causing an unforeseen merger in the works. To ensure the people get the best package delivery and express service, UPS and FedEx are joining forces...and they are calling themselves FedUp (:
(My dad made this joke up a long time ago I just added the COVID setup)

I tried bungee jumping the other day.

It had its ups and downs.

Neil arms weak

Neil joins gym
Neil does chin ups
Neil Armstrong

Elevator s**...

It has it's ups and downs, but it's great on so many levels!

What's the definition of suspicion?

Nun doing press ups in a cucumber field.

My wife was depressed so I bought her a trampoline to cheer her up

She's doing much better now but she still has her ups and downs.

I had to clean the elevators at work today

The place has its ups and downs

I just did 10 pull ups this morning

These jeans are tighter than I remember

My brother works in the garage door business

I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.
He's really happy for the job, though. The opportunity was really an open door for him.
Apparently they've made him into their main salesperson, since he really knows how to close the deal.
I hope you found these puns to be....uplifting.

People have silly hang ups about their personal appearance.

I worry that one of my b**... is bigger than the other two.

Ups and Downs of Investing

I was browsing the stock market earlier, turns out most of the airlines are crashing.

Did you know UPS consulted Matthew McConaughey to help UPS eliminate inefficient left turns on deliveries?

He told them, "All right all right all right"

After months of experimenting with sitting vs standing desks I've concluded that ...

...they both have their ups and downs.
I'll see myself out.

Nodding

It has its ups and downs.

Well, life sure has its ups and downs...

...and downs and downs and downs and downs and downs and downs and downs and downs and downs.

No sit-ups, pull ups or any other kinds of ups.

But f*c**... ups, Those I can manage!

After being forced to do sit ups for 4 hours straight

The man died of ab-use

Did you see the review for the scary movie about pogo sticks?

It has its ups and downs, but too many jump scares for me.

My day consisted of ups and downs.

So I got off the elevator.

What do you call a girl whose profile pictures are only f**... close ups?

Fat.

I do pull ups to get girls...

and pull outs to not get one

Why can't the T-rex do any push ups?

Small arms? No it's because dinosaurs are extinct you d**....

A school shooting breaks out, the shooter kills every kid he sees for being cruel to him, all except one specific 12 year old boy.

I guess progeria has it's ups.

Quantum physics has its ups and downs

But it all quarks out in the end

I built a rollercoaster park but it's not as good as a lot of others

It definitely has its ups and downs thiugh

Back in the day, I used to be a trampoline tester...

It had its ups and downs.

Love is like a roller-coaster

It'll seem scary at first, it's happens fast, it has its ups, it has its downs, but what's most important is that you meet it's size restrictions.

I don't know what to think of mountain-climbing.

It has it's ups and downs.

I used to work at a trampoline factory

It had its ups and downs

Me: Knock, knock

Friend: Who's there?
Me: UPS!
Friend: UPS WH—
Me: *runs away as fast as I can

Elevator

Working with elevators has its ups and downs

***Breaking News*** UPS and FedEx set to merge this Friday!

...They're going to call it: FedUp

jokes about ups