Upright Jokes
28 upright jokes and hilarious upright puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about upright that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Jokes can be funny, but there is something special about an upright joke. This article examines what it means to tell an upright joke - one that is thoughtful and honourable, without losing any of its comedy content. We explore the history of the upright joke and examine how it applies to modern comedy. Discover why upright jokes should be taken seriously and how to tilt your jokes in a virtuous direction.
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Funniest Upright Short Jokes
Short upright jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The upright humour may include short uplifting jokes also.
- My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler... ... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.
- What's the definition of a politician? A person whose skin is so thick they can stand upright even without a spine
- Nixon had to be photographed at an angle to make him appear upright. One of the drawbacks of him having a list.
- Rumor has it Pedals the upright walking bear has been killed by a hunter. But, remains unseen.
- I bought two hoovers. One of them just stole all my cash and vanished... But the other was upright.
- A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano... ... A wise man gives his wife an upright o**....
- Why would an upright vacuum cleaner with no wheels make a better President than Hillary Clinton? Well, they both s**... and have trouble moving forward, but at least the vacuum has a handle on it.
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Upright One Liners
Which upright one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with upright? I can suggest the ones about hanging upside and upside down.
- That United passenger got the last laugh He didn't leave his seat in the upright position
- Women are like pianos... if they're not upright, they're grand.
- How are blondies like pianos? When they're not upright, they're grand.
- I'm a bassist I believe upright is inherently better than electric
- When apes first began walking upright... It was a huge step forward.
- Why do feral children walk on all fours? Because they weren't brought upright.
- Why did humans evolve to walk upright? To keep things away from dogs.
- What would be in an underwater symphony? A carpsicord, pikeolo, an upright bass.
Quirky and Hilarious Upright Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about upright you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean upstairs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make upright pranks.
A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons.
After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Lessons.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow in the back shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."
AN OLD f**...
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice -- except they won't let you f**...."
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....
discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"
Someone explain the joke
The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
Teacher student
Teacher giving a lesson on circulation of blood says to her class, Now, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.
Yes the whole class agrees.
Then why is it, she continues, that while I am standing upright, the blood doesn't run into my feet?
One little fellow shouts, Cause your feet ain't empty!
Why couldn't the old bike stay upright?
It was *two-tired.*
An oldy, but a goody, I hope you can *handle* it.
Changing *gears*, I *spoke* at a fancy unicycle conference and you know what's different there? *Attire.*
I'm just *pedaling* for upvotes.
2 vans were driving on a road. Little did they know, the road led straight off a cliff.
They did not see it, so they kept going. They sped off the cliff. After falling for a while, they miraculously landed upright and were fine.
It's cause they're vans.
