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Update Jokes

92 update jokes and hilarious update puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about update that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Keep your weekend plans alive with the best of Weekend Update jokes. From Yahoo to Upd and Upgrade, find the perfect joke to keep your weekend going. Laugh along with the best of the best for the guaranteed funny punchline.

Best Short Update Jokes

Short update jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The update humour may include short upgrade jokes also.

  1. My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?
    We've updated our privacy policy
  2. Vandals have attacked the National Origami museum in Tokyo... We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...
  3. UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
  4. Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles. I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
  5. A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
  6. Some people are like a software update Some people are like a software update . When I see them I think Not now
  7. HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.
  8. When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
    Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*
  9. What doesn't the US government update it's privacy policy? You need to have one first before you updated it.
  10. I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews. I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.

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Update joke, I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about update can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of update puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Update One Liners

Which update one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with update? I can suggest the ones about alter and changer.

  1. Knock, knock *shouting thru door*
    Just leave it outside, Thank you!
    (2020 update)
  2. My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff. So I poked her
  3. When Chuck Norris updates Windows ...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions
  4. What do you call an Apple update you don't see coming? An iPatch... I'm sorry...
  5. "Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi
  6. Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy But hey, we've updated our privacy policy
  7. The nuclear launch codes have been updated. Now they're 281 letters long.
  8. I like my women like i like my updates Disabled
  9. I am suing American Airlines for losing my luggage Update: I lost the case
  10. I hate the new Windows 10 update. It puts me on Edge.
  11. Hey girl are you a software update Because not now
  12. Why did the pirate update his Macbook? His matey told him he needed an iPatch
  13. A good project manager makes updates. A bad project manager makes up dates.
  14. Teleports behind you We've updated our Privacy & Policy
  15. My Italian grandmother just got a stair chair lift, I asked her how she likes it... she said ... "IT DRIVES ME UP THE f**... WALL"

Update joke, My Italian grandmother just got a <a href="/stairs-jokes.html" title="Stair jokes">stair</a> chair l

Silly Update Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about update you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean repair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make update prank.

British archaeologists have issued an exciting new Brexit update today.

By digging 96 feet below the Westminster.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...

I felt so good when I woke up today

that I even let Java install its update.

Police are looking for a man who refuses to update his PDF reader.

He is described as 32, single and has no fixed adobe.

I just love the new minecraft update.

It's groundbreaking.

I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived.

When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.

I just seen a prius try his time on a quarter mile at the drag s**....

Ill update when hes done.

Somebody told the terminator to update his Microsoft windows, his response-

"I still love vista, baby"

Babe are you a new software update?

Because not now.

An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first

Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.

We've updated Skype so you have the latest version...

it includes performance improvements and general fixes.

Why is the window's 10 update similar to a stalker?

.....No matter how many times you deny either, they just keep coming back.

(True story) I only use Windows XP

because I'm guaranteed not to get another Windows Update.

The kid next door challenged me to a water balloon fight.

I'm just going to update my Facebook status while waiting for the kettle to boil.

How a phone recall works.

Samsung: Send us your exploding phone.
Microsoft/Nokia: A software update will fix that.
Apple: You are using it wrong.

Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...

Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.

A captain and his crew...

A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."

Why did the snail cross the road ?

It is not clear yet , let it cross the road first.
Update : It has been confirmed that it was to meet the Chicken who crossed the road earlier.

Apple just released a new iOS update to help protect against piraters

It's called the iPatch.

A friend showed me a periodic table app he made.

I told him, "Cool. When's the next update?"
He replied, "You see, one of the basic elements of app-making is that you have to update it periodically."

I went to go update my cymbals....

But then they crashed

Everything updates these days...

PC - updating.
TV - updating.
Tablet - updating.
Phone - updating.
I am afraid to plug in the iron.

Big Injury Update

Aaron Hernandez (Neck)
Out Indefinitely

I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.

It was an up-date.

The people at my school are very PC and its so annoying

I can't go five minutes without someone asking me if I'd like to update windows

What should Tony Stark use to update his android friend, who is worthy enough to pick up Mjolnir?

Vitamin A, because it improves Vision.

UK ELECTIONS UPDATE

It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂

If I had a dollar for every time an Xbox had an update I'd be...

Bill Gates

Microsoft's designated Chauffeur was killed

in a car accident. Unfortunately he was to blame for it...
Now, the company needs a driver update.

Friend Status Update - Got MArried

Me : Please don't share your personal problems with the world.

It's a tie dad

My dad asked me to update him on the game, since he'd been in the kitchen for a long while and the patriots were down.
I responded with my epiphany that the entire thing, my entire existence, was just a tide ad.
I think he thought it was a tie, since he regained a bit hope. I'm sorry Dad, there was no tie. Fly eagles fly.

PUBG just put up a new update

The game sure is running smoothly now

My computer was really laggy until someone helped me update my software

Turns out it was the bus driver

Why didn't Arnold Schwarzenegger want to update to windows 10?

"I still like Vista, baby...'"

"We've updated our privacy agreements."

Hits I accept without reading the changes.

Probably too soon to update this, but here goes anyway. . .

Twenty years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Aretha Franklin. Now we have no jobs, no hope, no cash, and no soul.

When I go to the pool

When I go to the pool, I set my phone to update while it sits in my locker. That way I can sync and swim at the same time.

Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla

It's been named Carpatchio

I heard wired connections are faster...

So I poured some coffee on my router and now it's even slower...Do I need a another java update?

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

Top 5 anti-vax excuses, interpreted for gamers

Excuse #5: "I like to play life with the default biological settings".
Excuse #4: "I like to take my chances and play it on extreme difficulty, just like old school style."
Excuse #3: "Pay to win? Eww."
Excuse #2: "I'll rather die than pay for DLC."
Excuse #1: "I swear the update caused that c**...."

A stranger gave me a really old metal box...

He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.

My parents said I can get a dinosaur for my birthday!!

Update: They gave me a parrot..

Android phone can be so annoying

Just received a notification that my bible needs update, for what exactly?
Has Adam eaten another apple.

What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato when they were out for a walk?

What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato when they were out for a walk?
The father tomato looks back and sees his child way behind him, he runs back to him, stomps on him and yells "KETCHUP!"
Update:
it may be morbid, but that is the life cycle for these tomatos.

What do you call it when a male app meets a female app?

An update.

I just got the COVID-20 update but don't understand what has changed.

The release notes are all Chinese to me.

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

Update on the kid who swallowed 5 nickels.

No change yet!

Are there any iOS developers reading this that can help me with something?

Just kidding, I know they're all too busy for Reddit after today's announcement, and are struggling to update their apps for tomorrows iOS 14 release.

I'm excited for Minecraft's caves&cliffs update

But it will probably have its ups and downs.

Why are smart lights turned off when they update ?

To not attract bugs

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."

Melinda moved out of Bills mansion the other day...

I hope someone remembered to update their drivers.

I recently found out that the Origami school in our community is about to close for good...

I'll update more on this as it unfolds.

Just got a scam email sent to me..

It was titled "Squadron 42 Update"

A spokesman for a group of scientists examining the possible remains of the abominable snowman has responded cryptically when asked for an update by a media representative:

Not Yeti

Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.

He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his s**... and is refusing to wear any clothes.
As a family we are united in our decision not to play Monopoly with him ever again.

I bought a treadmill as part of my New Year's resolution to get in shape.

I've been using it for months and still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.
UPDATE: tried to return it but customer service is giving me the runaround.

Why do teens only hang in odd numbers

Because they literally, can't even.
Update: corrected the spelling error. Thanks for the feedback.

The Doctor walked into the patients room to give him the update.

" Well I've have good news and I have bad news" he says.
" Give me the bad news Doc" said the patient
" We will have to amputate both of your feet!" The doctor replies.
" That really is bad news, so what's the good news"
"The guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers!!"

Found out they're adding a Priest villager in the new Minecraft update

I really thought the Creeper was sufficient.

My veterinarian says my dog has an absolutely adorable disease.

She has a cute pancreatitis.

*Update:* This is somewhat real. My dog went into the dog hospital last night. She's doing a little better today and she will probably make it. I had to joke because this is a tough ride to take without it.

*Update* My dog is home now. She's well, and she's absolutely adorable.

Update joke, My veterinarian says my dog has an absolutely adorable disease.

jokes about update

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these update jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.