The Best 60 Upcoming Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Upcoming jokes. There are some upcoming recent jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these upcoming expendables puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Upcoming Jokes and Puns

I heard Frankie Muniz is going to be playing a 1960's civil rights leader, in the upcoming film...

'Malcolm X in the Middle'.

Talking to women

A newlywed man was talking with an old war veteran about what to excpect in his upcoming marriage. After talking about several different topics the veteran turns to the newlywed and says the most complicated thing that you will come across in marriage is communication. Puzzled the newlywed askes why that is so. The veteran explains by saying that talking to a woman is a lot like walking in a minefield. You hope its clear but you never know when you are going to set her off.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

An Interview with a Master Ninja

When questioned on whether he thought his pupil could win his upcoming training match the Sensei had this to say:

"Shuriken".

jokes about upcoming

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."


Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

Upcoming joke, Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.

One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"

The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."

"What do you call it?"

"We call it a football wedding."

The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

If we drown in this upcoming hurricane, would that make us...

...the Joaquin Dead?

DJ Khaled has just declined a role in his upcoming biopic.

When asked about his decision, he was quoted to have said "never play yourself."

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

You can explore upcoming prequel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean upcoming premiere dad jokes. There are also upcoming puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The script for the upcoming Tetris movie is terrible

Each actor just says four lines and then disappears.

With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ...

... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.

Olympics Ticket

To whoever might interest, a friend of mine bought a ticket for the Olympics football finals, but he didn't realize the date was the same as his upcoming marriage.

If any of you wants to take his place, with everything already paid, the marriage takes place at the Catholic Church and the bride's name is Joanna.

With the concerns over water quality at the upcoming Rio Olympic games, I think we should ask, what would Jesus do?

Walk on water, he ain't swimming in that filth.

Birthday present

A little boy's parents asked what he wanted for his upcoming birthday.

The boy thought about it and simply replied "I wanna watch"

So they let him

Upcoming joke, Birthday present

First baby born with DNA from 3 people

This week the world's first baby was born with DNA from three different people using a new controversial technique developed by US scientists. The baby will be featured in the upcoming episode of Maury and spoiler alert, they're both the father.

Gary Johnson is at a fundraiser

Gary Johnson is at a fundraiser for the upcoming election. Worn out from being in the spotlight, he propositions a hooker and heads to a hotel room. Once inside, they rip their clothes off and start making out. She throws him on the bed and seductively asks "Do you enjoy felacio?" He looks at her with a blank face:

"Man, can't anyone cut me a break?"

So in this upcoming boxing match, Soulja Boy is being trained by Floyd Mayweather

Where as Chris Brown is just getting another girlfriend to train on


I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...

My official title is Band Aide.

(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)

Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?

He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.

Why is Humpty Dumpty so optimistic about the upcoming Winter?

Because he had a great Fall!

I was pointing my camera at the sun today and someone asked me if I was preparing for the upcoming eclipse

I replied: "Totally!"

Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump.

Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.

I'm really worried about the upcoming solar eclipse.

Because I've always heard that once you go black, you never go back.

I hear Metallica have an upcoming show in Amsterdam

"We're off to Nether-netherlands"

Upcoming joke, I hear Metallica have an upcoming show in Amsterdam

So I decided to head to the library and hit the books for an upcoming exam I have. But people started giving me weird looks while I was there.

I just ignored them though. These books will pay for what they did.

Pregnant With Doubt

When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.

The sergeant's reply: Completely, sir.

In an upcoming film, Matthew McConaughey is going to play a Neo-Nazi

He's gonna be alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.


I dreamed about who dies in the upcoming Avengers movie...

...it was a side kick, Vision.

Why do couples fight?

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started....

The Royal Wedding is like my upcoming dentist appointment.

I'll be happier when it's over.

What's the model name of Tesla's new SUV?

Journalist: What's the model name of the upcoming SUV?

Elon Musk: 'Y'.

Journalist: Because I'm asking. Musk: And I'm telling you.

Journalist: So if you're telling me, what did you say it's called?

Musk: 'Y'

Journalist: Why?

Musk: Exactly.

Journalist: So it's the model 'Exactly'?

Musk: No, 'Y'.

Journalist: 'know why' what!?

Musk: Not 'what', just 'Y.'

Journalist: *I don't know!*

Musk: Noโ€ฆ that's the timeframe for delivery.

Why was the fruit sad about its upcoming marriage?

Because it cantaloupe.


For the upcoming new year I made a raunchy calendar involving buff, handsome men from the mines. I was arrested by the police.

For sexual or suggestive content involving Miners.

A man walks into a bar in New Orleans

He sits down next to a man in a jacket. Both of them are watching a preview of the upcoming nfc championship. They both start debating over who will win, and the debate turns into an argument. The man says 100 bucks my saints win! Your on replied the man as he unzipped his coat to reveal black and white stripes. Good luck I got a game to ref replies the ref.

Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.

He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him.

Congratulations Harry, his boss said. I just wanted to tell you I've been married for 22 years, and I'm sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.

But, I'm not getting married until tomorrow, Harry said.

Yeah I know, his boss said.

Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election

One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."

The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.

"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

Finish line or BUST!

Jack was deeply involved in finishing a report for the upcoming board meeting received a call from his wife that she had a good news and a bad news.

Because of the deadline he asked if she could just give him the good news. The wife replied "Okay, the good news is that the air bags work."

The local weatherman named the upcoming snowstorm after his oldest son Kevin.

Because he didn't think it was going to amount to much either.

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

I'm nineteen and won't vote in this upcoming election. Here's why:

I'm Swedish

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

Two lady lesbians, both called Rachel, tried to buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. However, the baker refused to serve 'their kind'...

Not surprisingly, the two girls were hugely offended and asked him why he had a problem with gay nuptials.

The baker replied that he had no problems at all, however, he wasn't a supporter inter-Rachel marriage.

For our upcoming anniversary, my wife wanted something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

Have you heard of the upcoming movie where a time traveller gets transformed into a chicken?

It's called Bawk to the Future.

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

I once got stuck on a deserted island. It got very lonely very fast, and I wanted some company

I decided to state my opinion on the upcoming election

The island went from deserted to crowded very quickly

What did Matthew McConaughey say to his publisher about his long awaited upcoming book?

I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!

How did Kim Kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye?

North, things between West and I have gone South.

My wife is really worried about our upcoming cruise because of the Corona Virus.

I said, Don't worry. We are all on the same boat.

The DJ played the Cha Cha Slide, so I did the Cha Cha Slide,

The DJ played Macarena, so I did the Macarena,

The DJ played Come On Eileen, and now I have an upcoming court appearance.

In honor of the upcoming Olympics: What is a gymnast's favorite spice?

Somersalts

Heard there will be special scrutiny on Italians at the upcoming Tony Awards.

Word is they know how to rigatoni.

The New York Times just contracted me to row a boat for a upcoming story.

I'm the Times's new Row-man

Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming susage and cheese shortage.

They are calling it the wurst kรคse scenario.ย 

My electricians a great guy. I told him I was worried about my set for my upcoming standup gig and couldn't figure out what material to use.

He just stared me in the eyes and said, "it's all about the crowds energy, joule know watt to use"

Disney reveals that the upcoming "Kenobi" series will be streamed exclusively in Flash player

It will be titled Adobe Wan Kenobi

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.

One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the upcoming pending jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working upcoming snl piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes