Unzips Jokes
47 unzips jokes and hilarious unzips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unzips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Unzips Short Jokes
Short unzips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unzips humour may include short fly unzipped jokes also.
- They call me The Tripod Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?
Me: Let me unzip this and show you...
*opens camera case and takes really steady photo* - Growing old First you forget names;
Then you forget faces;
Then you forget to zip up your fly;
And then you forget to unzip your fly. - The real reason women will never be the ones to propose... As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
- How are teenaged boys like the enzyme helicase? They both want to unzip your genes!
credit goes to Hank from CrashCourse on Youtube :) - I got sent a 50gb .zip file from my friend. I don't know what's it's for but sigh *unzips*
- Why do women not propose to men? Because as soon as a woman goes down on her knees, a man automatically unzips.
- I met a really cool girl name Helicase, but there's a problem... ... she's always trying to unzip my genes.
- Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
- You're losing your mind if you forget to zip your fly after using the bathroom. You've lost your mind if you forget to unzip your fly *before* using the bathroom
- Why do girls never propose Because as soon as she gets on her knees, she starts unzipping him
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Unzips One Liners
Which unzips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unzips? I can suggest the ones about zipper and zipper down.
- Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase... ...so I could unzip your genes.
- I wish I was a helicase enzyme... ...because then I could unzip your genes
- Dyslexia cost me my job in IT Turns out my boss wanted me to unzip his 'files
- How are teenage boys and the enzyme helicase similar? They both want to unzip your genes
- How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly? Unzip it
- I found an archived file of pornographic images today. *unzips*
- How would you tell if a chromosome is male or female? You unzip the genes
- Man, it's gonna take FOREVER to decompress this file Sigh. *unzips*
- A study says that selfies make your nose look 30% bigger. (unzips)
- Girl, you can call me RNA II Polymerase ... ...cuz I'm gonna unzip your genes
- I like my women like I like my downloads... ...unzipped and on my desktop.
- I must be Helicase Cuz I wanna unzip your genes
- Geneticists and Teenage Boys are the same... They both want to unzip your genes.
- Why did WinRAR go to jail? Childpants.rar
WinRAR: *sighs*, unzips. - porno_collection.zip \* sigh \* *unzips*
The Funniest Unzips Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about unzips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean untie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unzips pranks.
My ex just sent me n**... in a compressed folder
Sigh... *unzips*
Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......
She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.
Monica says "That's not a clock".
To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".
A woman playing golf hits a nearby man...
She rushes over to the man who is on the ground, rolling around screaming in pain with his hands between his legs.
She profusely apologizes and offers to relieve his pain since she is a doctor and reluctantly he agrees. She gently moves his hands to his sides and unzips his pants and puts her hands inside. She massages him tenderly for a few minutes and asks: "How does it feel?"
He replies: "It feels great but I still think my thumb is broken".
Miniskirt
A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A b**... blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Being a gentleman, a man lets her onto the bus first.
She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. The miniskirt was far too tight. Smiling apologetically to everyone, she reaches back to unzips the zipper a little. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. She reaches around her back, unzips the zipper a little. Smiling once more, she attempts to step up. Sigh, the skirt is still too tight, she reaches behind her a third time.
Two large hands grab her by the waist, lifting her up and placing her at the top of the steps. "Get your hands off me! How dare you touch me," she squealed.
"Ma'am, as much as I don't mind," the gentleman paused,"you were pulling down my zipper".
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
A boy is looking over a tall cliff...
A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
A woman goes home for lunch
And is surprised to find her husband at home.
She goes up to him and says, "Take off my necklace."
Any he takes off her necklace.
"Take off my blouse."
And he unbuttons and removes her blouse.
"Take off my skirt."
And he unzips and removes her skirt.
Finally she says, "Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again!"
The Presidential Clock
Bill: Do you want to see the Presidential Clock?
Monica: Sure!
Bill: Okay. (Unzips pants and pulls it out)
Monica: That don't look like no clock I ever saw Sir.
Bill: It will if you put a face and two hands on it.
[Best joke I've heard recently] A man walks into a doctors office,...
...unzips his fly and places his considerable member on the doctors table.
Unfazed, the doctor puts on his gloves and gives the man's member a routine medical examination. After some time, the doctor, puzzled says
"I... I can't seem to find anything wrong with this...?"
To which the man replies with his hands on his hips "
No, magnificent isn't it?"
Why did winrar go to prison?
childporn.rar
Winrar: *sigh... Unzips*
Why is WinRAR in jail?
>childporn.zip
>WinRAR: *unzips*.
I suggested to my tech-illiterate friend she upload her photos on Instagram, but she just sent them to me in one big zip file.
Sigh... *unzips*
What did the zinc finger do to its jeans when he wanted to release some proteins?
It unzips it
A Jewish man walks into a bathroom.
He unzips his pants and proceeds to pee into a u**.... The man peeing next to him taps him on the shoulder and says hey David! did you have Doctor Goldstein as your Mohel? The man turns his head and replies yes! How did you know? The other man just looks down at the ground and says he's cross eyed and you're peeing on my leg.
This joke has been passed down through my very Jewish family for a few generations and It's my go to. A Mohel is the Jewish doctor who performs circumcisions for the uninformed.
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator
The bar tender says "sir you cant have that here! it will bite one of my customers and i'll get sued"
The man replied " Its quite the tame alligator- watch"
He places the alligator on the counter, unzips his pants, and places his package in the open gators' mouth and leaves it there for about 5 min. After that time he puts his package away and says "see? Anyone else wanna give it a try?"
A drunk man at the end of the bar spoke " I'll give it a try- but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long"
My tailor wouldn't hem this perfect pair of pants I found.
Sigh.... *-unzips pants-*
A man is stranded on a desert island...
... When all of a sudden a beautiful brunette in full scuba gear strides out of the water surrounding the island. She sits down next to the awestruck man and says, "Would you like a cigarette?" The man agrees, and she unzips a pouch on her thigh and pulls out some cigarettes and a lighter.
After they've finished their cigarettes, the brunette says, "Would you like a drink?"
The man agrees, and the woman opens a small bag at her waist, and takes out a small bottle of champagne and two glasses. As they sip their drinks, the brunette leans forward and says, "Would you like to play around?"
The man's eyes widen and he yells, "You've got golf clubs in there as well?"
A man was marooned on a desert island.
One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit.
'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.
She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink.
Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?'
Ronnie Corbett (1930 - 2016)
The farmer and the goose go to the movies.
So this farmer goes to the movies with his favorite goose. But they wont let the goose in. So the farmer hides the goose in his pants, buys a ticket and finds his seat.
After about a half an hour the goose is getting restless so the farmer unzips his pants so the goose can get some air.
The goose sticks his head out of the farmers zipper and is thrilled he can watch the movie. But he can't see so he stretches his neck out to see the screen.
After about 10 minutes the old woman sitting next to the farmer says to him "I have to say you are quite talented, In my experience If you've seen one you've seen them all, but this one is eating my popcorn. What are you doing after the movie"
A woman says "Prove to me that you are a true man!"
*unzips pants*
Zipper joke.
(Heard this today from a nice women, so not mine obviously. Thought itd be good here. )
In New york the new buses have a pretty steep first ledge to get on them. A woman wearing a tight skirt tries to get on. She reaches her leg up but it is no good. So she reaches behind her to unzip her skirt down just a little. She tries again and still can't. So she unzips it even more down, but still isn't enough and unzips it down more again.
Finally the man behind her picks her up by her waist and puts her on the bus.
The woman gasps "thats rude how dare you touch me."
The man responds, "well after you unzipped my pants three times i figured we were friends."
An old man and an old woman were sitting on a park bench...
...when the old woman looks at the old man and says "I bet I can guess how old you are". The old man looks at the old woman and says, "No way, how are you going to do that?" The old woman says "unzip your pants". The old man unzips his pants and the old woman reaches in and feels around for a few minutes. "You're 83!" she announces. The old man says "That's amazing, how'd you figure that out?" The old woman says, "You told me yesterday!"
A man goes to a cathouse with only $5 to his name.
"What can $5 get me?" he asked the lady inside.
"Let's see.. well, I can give you a penguin job," she replied.
The call girl unzips the man's pants and leaves them around his ankles, and goes to work with her mouth.
"Oh wow, this is fantastic, you sure know what you're doing!" The man was really enjoying his $5 penguin job.
It was only a short while before the climactic finish was approaching, and he made no delay with vocalizing this.
"I'm going to come, I'm going to come!"
The courtesan quickly stopped, got to her feet, and walked out the door of the room they were in.
"Wait baby, wait, wait! Where are you going?!" The man, pants still down around his ankles, waddled after the woman as fast as he could.
"That's a penguin job, and that'll be $5," she said, with a laugh.
On A Desert Island For 10 Years
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit...
The man runs to greet her, "Am I ever happy to see you."
The girl says "Hi! Looks like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" The man says, "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a pocket on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.
The man says, "Thanks!" The girl says, "So tell me, how long its been since you had a drink?"
The man replies, "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and out comes a flask of whiskey. The man takes a drink.
The man is so happy. "Wow. Thanks. You are a life saver!"
The girl begins to unzip the front of her wet suit. She says seductively, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Excitedly, the man says, "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"
