Untouched Jokes
15 untouched jokes and hilarious untouched puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about untouched that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Fun-Filled Untouched Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What is a good untouched joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
What are we doing for Easter?
Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
Have you heard the one about the untouched coal pit?
Never mined.
I'm ageing like a fine wine
In a basement, untouched.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donations
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over and asked, "What's the problem, pal?" "My brother just told me there's a s**... bank in his neighborhood that pays $50 for a donation." "Yeah, so?"
"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
What kind of water does a feminist drink?
Fiji water, because it's untouched by man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a car c**..., a woman comes to the hospital to see her husband...
She asks the doctor :
"How is my husband ? Is he going to be fine ?"
The doctor said :
"Well, his lower body is untouched"
Being less concerned she says :
"Oh, thank God, but what about the upper?"
He answered :
" His upper body is still on the way to the hospital "
You know Brian De Palma's The Untouchables (1987)
It didn't do well in India.
An anthropologist travels to the deepest darkest rainforest...
to study a tribe untouched by civilisation.
As he is trecking towards the villiage he starts to hear drumming. The closer he gets, the louder it gets. It's relentless and doesn't seem to stop.
A day later he arrives at the villiage and gets introduced to the eldar. He immediately asks "What are the drums for?"
The eldar simply responds "The drums must never stop."
Throughout the night and the next day the incessent drumming starts to grate on his nerves. He asks around and every member of the tribe answers with "The drums must never stop."
3 days later he has had no sleep and is at a loose end. He approaches the eldar.
"I really have to know about the drums."
"The drums must never stop."
"Yes, yes. I know that. But why?"
The eldar looks at him and says "Bass solo."
How to be Insulting in Hotels: Call room service last thing at night, when the kitchens have just been locked, and ask for a cheese sandwich and a glass of fresh milk. Make sure that you leave them untouched and conspicuous the next morning.
2 brothers walk in to a bar and order 3 beers.
They each drink their beer and leave the last beer untouched, pay and leave.
They do this every day and one day the bartender asks why they never drink the third beer.
They say that they are 2 of 3 brothers and they promised each other that they would order a drink for each brother every day.
One day they walk in and only order 2 beers.
A hush falls over the bar & the bartender tells them the round is on the house.
The brothers ask why, and the bartender states that they have obviously lost their brother.
The 2 brothers laugh and say, No, our other brother just gave up drinking.
A physicist walks into a bar...
and orders two drinks, having one for himself and leaving the other one untouched at the stool beside him. The next day, the bartender notices that he does it again, and the day after, he does it a third time. When he does it a fourth time, the bartender finally asks him "why do you keep ordering two drinks but only having one?". In response, the physicist says "according to the laws of physics, there is a statistical chance that billions of atoms could align perfectly and form a beautiful woman sitting on the stool". The bartender then asks "why don't you just ask a woman to have a drink with you and see if she says yes?", to which the physicist replies "well what's the chance that that's actually going to happen?"
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Untouched One Liners
Which untouched one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with untouched? I can suggest the ones about unplugged and unarmed.
- Have you heard the one about the untouched coal pit? Never mined.
- I'm ageing like a fine wine In a basement, untouched.
- What kind of water does a feminist drink? Fiji water, because it's untouched by man
- You know Brian De Palma's The Untouchables (1987) It didn't do well in India.
