Unsure Jokes
63 unsure jokes and hilarious unsure puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unsure that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Unsure Short Jokes
Short unsure jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unsure humour may include short uncertain jokes also.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect.
- I read that if you're unsure about how much to spend on an engagement ring, a monthly pay check is a good guideline. So I spent £200 and gave most of the ring to our landlord.
- Huckleberry Finn seemed really unsure if he was going to paint my house today. I guess he was still on the fence.
- I was unsure which mattress I should buy and the salesman told me to sleep on it. Apparently there was a misunderstanding.
- There is a 50/50 risk of loosing your hand during your life... Either you loose it or you don't. The probability on the other hand... is unsure.
- A fox snuck into the chicken coup last night and killed them all... Authorities were unsure whether to label it a coup d'etat or a henocide...
- Thomas the Tank Engine is unsure of his sexuality. He now prefers to be called Trains-gender.
- What's a matadors choice skin moisturizer? "Olay"
(I made it up- unsure if I'm the first but I doubt it) - I got a bidet as a present but I'm still a little unsure about it... getting clean is such a crapshoot.
- The British agency seem unsure of their own age... You'd guess they are old enough to stop asking MI5 or MI6...
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Unsure One Liners
Which unsure one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unsure? I can suggest the ones about undecided and unaware.
- Two antennas got married. The reception was great.
Source: Unsure, saw it on FB. - What do you call a shuriken that never hits the right target? An unsure-iken
- I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me.
- What's the most unsure vegetable? Aspariguess
~~I'm sorry, I'll see myself out~~ - You know, being unsure if I'm a plant is actually pretty cool. Am I rye?
- As a man, I was unsure if I'd enjoy having long hair.. But it grew on me
- I lost my mood ring. I'm unsure how I feel about it.
- Why are obtuse angles so unsure? Because they cannot be right
- What do you call an unsure sea lion? A maybe seal
- What do homophobes say when they are unsure? Let me get this straight
- My girlfriend said I'm unsure of everything. I think.
- If you're unsure of how to light up your fireworks... Fire works
- Why did the Jewish man become a banker? We're unsure, but he has a nose for it.
- Which element is unsure of it's gender? Sili-kin
- Why did the f**... feel unsure about her new boyfriend She didn't have him pegged
Hilarious Unsure Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about unsure you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean insecure jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unsure pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... at a bar
A man walks into a bar and believes to see Adolf h**... sitting on a bar stool. The man walks up to the man, and in an unsure tone, asks: Are you Adolf h**.... At which point the following conversation ensues:
h**...: Why yes, I am
Man: I thought you were dead!
h**...: No, my friend. I have been in hiding all these years. I am slowly rebuilding my army. Soon we are going to rise up, kill three million Jews, and one clown.
Man: Why kill a clown?
h**...: See!! No one cares about the Jews.
Oh johnny..
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, Mom, what are those things on your chest?
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven.
Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!
His father says, Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?
Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'
A frog walks into a bank...
to get a loan. He waits in line and when the teller calls him he walks up to do his thing.
"Hi, I'm Patty Black, what can I do for you today?" she asks.
He replies, "I'm here to get a loan."
"Well what do you have for collateral?"
"All I have is this antique bronze statuette that I keep on my mantel," he tells her.
She is unsure about what she can do since it seems like a pretty worthless trinket.
"Let me bring that statuette to my manager and see if we can't get you your loan Mr. Frog"
So Patty takes the bronze statuette to her bank manager and tells him the story. There's a frog trying to get a loan and all he has is a seemingly worthless statue.
After hearing her explain the situation the bank manager says without hesitation, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
Narcolepsy
A man with narcolepsy visits his doctor and asks for help.
"Well I have a drug that can help keep you awake, or I've just heard of a new treatment which can fully cure you! However, it's still in the testing phase and could possibly kill you. You need to decide which treatment you'll have."
After a short time considering, the man is still unsure.
"Is it okay if i come back tomorrow? I'll have to sleep on it doc."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The old lady who can guess your age
An elderly woman who lives in a nursing home approaches an elderly man and tells him, "I bet I can guess your age." He tells her to go for it.
She says, "okay, but I need to stick my hand down your pants and feel it." Unsure about her method, he's intrigued and allows her to do so.
She reaches into his pants and fondles him for a few moments. She then tells him, "you're 87!"
Amazed, he says, "That's incredible! How did you do know?"
She replies, "you told me yesterday."
What do you call an unsure spud?
AN I DUNNO POTATO!
Thought of it in the shower. Im proud of it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Misc religion based puns
What do you call a horse who doesn't believe in God?
Hay-thiest
What do you call a pig who believes in the old gods?
A pag-ham.
What do you call a practitioner of Hinduism who solely worships in the morning?
A Hin-dew.
What do you call a caveman unsure it he believes in tools or not?
Ag-no-stick.
What would you call a grasshopper that was unsure of himself?
Insect-ure.
You're welcome.
LPT: if you're unsure if you should wear a jacket...
... Be sure to bring one. You will then ensure blazing sunshine.
A minister, priest, and a rabbi....
Are all playing golf for money... They decide that they should give some money to their respective churches, but are unsure as to how to do it.
The priest gets an idea....walks over to the ball drop area, stands inside the circle and says, "I'm going to throw my money into the air. Whatever lands INSIDE this circle, I'll give to my church."
The minister, then goes over, stands inside the circle and says, "Ok. When i throw my money into the air, whatever lands OUTSIDE the circle is what I'll give away".
The rabbi then goes over to the circle, gets his money out, and says, "I'm going to throw my money in the air, and whatever God wants, He'll keep!"
Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"
They don't help him.
What's the only option available to a programmer unsure it if program will work whilst it is compiling?
Latency
An amputee walks up to a stranger...
An amputee missing his left arm and left leg walks up to a stranger and shouts, I lost my left arm and left leg!!! .
The stranger looks at him, unsure what to make of this interaction, and says, All-righty then.
If you're ever unsure, ask a visually impaired person with Tourette Syndrome for advice.
They will swear blind by it.
I just learned how to read Braille
I was always unsure, is it Bray-eel-ay ? Maybe it's Brah-el ?
I just found out earlier it's Brale
The more you know...
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a conservative who smokes w**...?
A libertarian.
Is this funny??? Please be honest, i'm unsure. 😐
I looked at the self-checkouts, then at the cashier.
"Can I come to you?" I asked him, unsure.
He said, "Sure, but it will cost you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the p**... call a meeting of his girls when he felt unsure about himself?
He had to gather his thots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an unsure Muslim leader?
An Erm-um
A guy gets to Heaven and meets God for the first time...
God says, welcome my child. For living an exemplary life and following in my footsteps, I welcome you to Heaven and will answer one question for you. The answer to any of your life's mysteries that you desire.
The man ponders. He hurriedly thinks back on his life, wondering which answer he wants the most and not wanting to waste God's time, but he can't decide. He stares back at Him, unsure of what to say.
God says, don't worry my child, I am all knowing, so I already know what question you will ask.
The man, visibly relieved, exclaimed oh thank you! What is it?
That one. Enjoy eternity!
A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside.
A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside. Concerned something had happened she asked, "What was that noise?"
The man replied, " It was just my underwear falling".
Unsure the wife asked again, "That noise was a bit loud for it to be just an underwear falling to the ground.
The man replied, " Yeah, because I was still in it"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandpa isn't very computer savvy
So my Grandpa (72) got on the internet only recently and is still very unsure about how to use it. A month or so ago I taught him how to use email, to his amazement.
I also showed him how web browsing works and showed him how to put questions into Google search.
Yesterday he was planning to repaint the shed and wanted to know if latex paint would stick to stucco, so he did a search for Latex b**....
A married couple walks into a bar and the husband asks for whatever is on tap and cheap...
...the bartender reaches for the cheap stuff and pours them Busch. They drink a little bit and seem satisfied as the wife asks her husband,
"What beer is this? Who makes it?"
The husband, unsure due to his vague order asks the bartender "Hey, who makes this beer? My wife is curious."
The bartender replies, "Anheuser-Busch."
The husband looks at the bartender with a stern confusion and shouts,
"She waxes, but that's not any of your business! But seriously, who makes this beer?"
A married couple were walking through a garden
when suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them..
The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.
The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.
But his wife shouted, I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog
Moral : No one else can misunderstand a Husband better than a Wife
A Killer Dies, And Meets His Victim In The Afterlife...
The killer stares awkwardly at the victim, the victim stares back. Unsure what to do, the killer finally says, "Well... This feels pretty tense."
The victim replies, "Oh, we're past tense."
