Unopened Jokes
10 unopened jokes and hilarious unopened puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unopened that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Rib-Tickling Unopened Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What is a good unopened joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Two Parachutists
Two parachutists jumped out of a plane, they had headsets on so they could talk to each other on the way down.
One man's parachute opened, the other one's didn't.
The guy with the defective c**... was falling fast but appeared to be slowly and very calmly trying to figure out the issue. Appeared to be in no rush.
The other guy with the good c**... said Hey, you look so calm and collected. Why are you taking your time? Why aren't you panicking?
The guy with the unopened c**... said Hey, why should I rush? I've got the rest of my life to figure it out .
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."
My first one here.
Once there was an old lady who lived her life without having s**... ever. She was very proud of this achievement as the only one in the town where she lived.
While in her death bed she made a wish that this achievement of her be made public on her grave so she told someone to make her grave read as " born v**..., lived v**... and died v**...".
The sculptor who was suppose to make that text happen on her grave found the message to be long so he shortened it
"Parcel returned unopened".
A woman lying on her death bed wanted all to know she was a v**.......
She asked that her headstone would forever read:
'Born a v**..., lived a v**... and died a v**...'.
When the stonemason was making her headstone, he ran out of space so just carved:
'Returned unopened'.
I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993
You could even say it's in...
..mint condition
An Old Woman Commissions a Tombstone...
... she asks the carvers to write "born a v**..., lived a v**..., died a v**...."
It wouldn't fit on the face, so they just wrote "Returned unopened."
A 86 year old v**... woman dies.
In her will she requests the following to be engraved on her tombstone:
"Born a v**..., lived a v**..., died a v**...."
But that was too long so instead they put:
"Returned unopened"
For sale: One parachute.
Unopened condition. Small stain. As is.
TIL: They found an unopened tomb in Egypt and a new Pharaoh last month
The strange thing was he was wrapped in foil - his name is Pharaoh Rocher
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