Unlucky Jokes
49 unlucky jokes and hilarious unlucky puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unlucky that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Unlucky Short Jokes
Short unlucky jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unlucky humour may include short bad luck jokes also.
- Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.
- When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage. I do not want unlucky people working in our company
- I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs Wrong plaice, wrong thyme
- In the French Navy, it's considered unlucky to have the number 5 in a ship's name... Because all of the ships with that number in their name... cinq
- I keep getting unlucky in relationships. My last girlfriend had no personality And the previous one had 3
- I'm surprised 4 isn't an unlucky number. Nothing good ever comes from putting 2 and 2 together.
- I must be very unlucky every time I argue with someone on reddit it's with someone who's already a professional in that subject! never knew redditors were so smart
- I am so unlucky in love.. I once asked out a blind woman and she said she was seeing someone!!
- What does your baby daddy have in common with an unlucky gambler? Neither of them pulled out in time.
- Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage. I don't want unlucky people working in my department.
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Unlucky One Liners
Which unlucky one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unlucky? I can suggest the ones about unfortunate and unsuccessful.
- My eight year old sister asked me what my unlucky number was "2009"
- Ladders are banned in Black Panther's homeland They're considered unlucky to Wakanda.
- When is it unlucky to see a black cat? When your a mouse!
Edit : you're a mouse - Did you hear the one about the unlucky bullfrog? It croaked.
- What do you call a rabbit with no feet? Very Unlucky.
- What do you call a band of unlucky politicians? The Dead Kennedys.
- What do you call an unlucky fish? Unfortunate
- We missed friday the 13th by just 1 day... ...how unlucky!
- What do you call an unlucky Jew? Bad juju
Fun-Filled Unlucky Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about unlucky you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unhappy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unlucky pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once upon a time, three brothers named...
f**..., Shut Up, and Respect robbed a bank together. f**... was unlucky and got caught, so Shut Up and Respect decided to try to bail him out of jail. They went to the prison, but Respect was tired; he stayed in the car, so Shut Up went to talk to the guard. The guard said,
What are you here for?
so Shut Up says, To release f**....
The guard then says, Umm... ok. So what's your name?
Shut Up.
The guard, bewildered, says, Hey,hey,hey, watch it! Where's your respect?
So Shut Up says, In the car.
The unlucky boy.
I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy all alone and crying. I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all by yourself," to which he replied with tears in his eyes, "My mother is down there at the bottom, she fell."
"Thats terrible," I replied, "What about your father," I continued. The little boy, almost completely breaking down, to this inquiry responded, "He is down there right next to her, he tried to save her and he fell too." We then shared a quiet moment together, looking out at the sky over the lake.
It was then suddenly the young chap asked me why I was unbuckling my belt. "Son, today just isn't your day."
This construction worker was laying a full room carpet in this house...
... and upon ending his work he realised his backpack was missing. Checking the area he could notice a lump in the carpet, the size of his backpack.
He couldn't belive how unlucky he was and he decided to take a desperate measure. He was not going to destroy the recently placed carpet and inside his backpack there wasn't anything really valuable. So he starts hammering that lump to the ground. After a few minutes the backpack inside the carpet was flat and unnoticeable.
Later that afternoon the housewife gets home and is happy with the placing of the carpet. She goes to the kitchen to write him a check for the job well done and returns to him:
"Here, the check and your backpack that you left in the kitchen. By the way, have you seen my cat"?
Cletus and Ricky make a bet.
Cletus was having an unlucky day fishing at the creek as he spots Ricky walking towards him with a large bag over his shoulder. Cletus asks Ricky "what's in the bag?" Ricky replies that its a bag full of chickens. Cletus, hungry and with no fish to fry, asks Ricky "Say, how about if I guess how many chickens you got in the bag, you let me have one of 'em?" Ricky tells Cletus, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this bag I'll let you have all five of them."
Unlucky librarian
Librarian: hey how can I help? Man: hey I'm looking for a book called "how to deal with rejection without killing"
My friend has a job where he fixes lights
and the other week he was in an Indian restaraunt fixing some, and they were using these huge cauldrons to cook their food.
As he was attaching one of the lights he fell into one of thsee "cauldrons" and he was extremely injured, terribly unlucky.
Today I rang the hospital to see how he is doing and then said its not going good. He's in a corma.
It's unlucky to glance over your shoulder while wearing a sweater made of rabbit wool...
Don't look back in angora.
Lou Gehrig is the most unlucky man to ever live....
I mean seriously, what are the odds of dying from a disease that has the same name as you?
There was once a very unlucky man
Crossing the road , he got hit by a truck .
Then on his way to heaven , got hit by a plane
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For the first year of my time at college, I never had s**..., all because of a s**... abstinence pledge I took for a bible study class...
...the other three years, I was just unlucky.
If ever you feel unlucky
you are. the world is 4.6 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as Donald Trump.
When I'm a hiring manager and I receive a pile of CVs
I throw half of the pile in the trash. I don't want unlucky people working in my department.
When employing people, gather all the CVs together and randomly split them into two piles.
Take one pile and throw it in the bin. This stops you employing anyone unlucky.
As the recruitment manager for a large firm, I don't like to hire unlucky people
So I throw every second job application I receive into the rubbish bin
People keep telling me im unlucky to have Insomnia but the jokes on them...
only 2 more sleeps till Christmas!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife walked in on me m**......
I tried to hide what I was doing and quickly changed the TV channel but it switched to a programme about disfigured babies. She saw what I was doing and saw what was on TV, so now she thinks I get turned on by disfigured babies. I mean, how unlucky is that? The same programme being on at the same time on two different channels!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I found out today that my partner has a f**...
Which is unlucky for me because I'm only 6 inches
So I bought my nation's world cup match tickets
But cause i'm unlucky the match will be held on the same day as my wedding, so if anyone is interested go to Hilton hotel, Her name is Elizabeth.
I'm getting really unlucky during this game of jenga
I guess the odds are stacked against me
A very unlucky man finds a strange looking lamp, and when he touches it, a genie pops out.
The genie tells him he has one wish
The man says "Wow, finally my bad luck will come to an end!"
After thinking about it for a long time, he says "I wish I had the midas touch"
The genie grants his wish, and for the rest of that mans life everything he touched turned into a muffler.
An airplane joke
The pilot comes on the speaker
Pilot: "Now that we are in the air I figured I'd lighten it up with a joke. Knock knock"
Passengers "Whose there?"
Pilot: "Superman"
Passengers: "Superman who?"
Pilot: "You're at forty thousand feet, it's either me, or a really unlucky baggage handler, now open up"
