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Unlike Jokes

84 unlike jokes and hilarious unlike puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unlike that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Unlike Short Jokes

Short unlike jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unlike humour may include short unusual jokes also.

  1. I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th... Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
  2. Difference between computers and woman Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
  3. It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means... Jesus was a repost.
  4. Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday. Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.
    Teacher: Well unlike your birthday, this test was planned ahead of time.
  5. When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said, "Don't forget to write." I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill afterall!"
  6. My grandad the bus driver passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday unlike his passengers
  7. How do you want it die? Personally, i want to go out as my grandpa.
    Peacefully in his sleep. Unlike his passengers, screaming and crying.
  8. A friend of mine had a pet boxer. Unlike a dog, whenever the doorbell rang he walked over to the corner and sat down.
  9. I noticed that I am quite a mature person, ever since I stopped making indirect comments about others. Unlike some others that I know.
  10. My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I'm an undertaker.

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Unlike One Liners

Which unlike one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unlike? I can suggest the ones about contrary and opposite.

  1. I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike *some* people.
  2. I've never been good at chess. Unlike my Czech mate.
  3. I asked God what the most unlikely thing in the Universe was. He replied.
  4. I am smarter than George Jetson Because unlike him, I wasn't born yesterday
  5. My uncle died yesterday, peacefully in his sleep... ...unlike the passengers in his car.
  6. Mayweather remains unbeaten Unlike his ex-girlfriends.
  7. I see "Yo Momma" is coming back... Unlike yo daddy.
  8. You're lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.
  9. All the jokes about anti-vaxxers are getting old Unlike their kids
  10. Some of the jokes here are getting old Unlike antivaxx children
  11. I am not passive aggressive Unlike someone
  12. Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast Not unlike a good sports bra
  13. Anti vaxx jokes allow dead baby jokes to live on. Unlike the non vaccinated kids.
  14. Why are circles lazy? Because, unlike other shapes, they cut corners
  15. People tell me I'm a narcissist Unlike everyone else

Unlike joke, People tell me I'm a narcissist

Laughter Unlike Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about unlike you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unrelated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unlike pranks.

Why is a woman unlike a washing machine?

After you throw a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you around.

What's the difference between the Friendzone and the Endzone?

Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.

Lawyers and computers

have both been proliferating since 1970. Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.

When I die, I want to go like my grandpa.....

Peacefully in my sleep, unlike them whinny kids screaming as the bus went off the cliff.

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet.
Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

If I could choose, I'd like to die like my grandfather, peacefully and in his sleep.

Unlike his passengers.

Ladies, beware of all the men who just want to get in bed with you

Unlike me, I'm fine on a table, in the forest, at the beach or whatever

Food products made from real ingredients,

unlike margarine, are whey butter.

I wanna Die peaceful in my sleep just my like my Grandpah!

Unlike the passengers in his car...

Unlike his famous father, Lord Kelvin's son never amounted to much.

He was an absolute zero.

Unlike Jesus, I did not have a v**... birth

It is, however, looking increasing likely that I'll have a v**... death

How is Trump different from h**...?

Unlike h**... Trump wants to round up every Juan.
Edit : No offence to Trump supporters or anyone!

Graduation unlike before

2 Asian kids graduated from High School. The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn't be happier....it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.

My vaccume cleaner s**... because it doesn't s**......

Unlike my other vaccume cleaner, which doesn't s**... because it s**....
(co-writing credit to smarties pants u/lord_of_the_realm)

Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism?

They are both unlike radicals.

I'd like to die in my sleep like my grandpa

Comfortably, unlike the rest of the people in his car

Unlike many guys, I don't try to get into a lady's pants…

…mostly because they won't fit me, but also because they lack usable pockets. What's up with that aspect of fashion design, anyway?

Racism, unlike most matters, ...

...is a black and white issue.

A Russian goes to a watchmaker.

He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."

If someone does something to annoy you, DONT just be passive aggressive about.

Unlike SOME people I know.

My Grandfather died peacefully in his sleep

Unlike his passengers that were screaming in t**...

Unlike most men I prefer to use term partner instead of girlfriend. A lot of people think I'm gay...

when they see her.

A programmer and his wife...

A programmers wife asks him to go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer returns with one loaf of bread and twelve eggs because programmers don't act like computers unlike some others on this sub.

Unlike my other girlfriends, my new Thai girlfriend is really into me.

about four inches into me to be precise.

Houston, Texas, is six feet underwater

Unlike Whitney Houston, who is six feet underground.

A man wakes up late one night to find his wife eating candy.

The man says "Honey, why are you eating that this late at night?"
and his wife replies with "Because unlike you, Snickers satisfies me."
Credit to Ronnie Serrano.

"Unlike most of you, I believe earth is flat"

"Wow, so edgy."

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.

Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.

Unlike me, it had a date on New Year's Eve.

Unlike everyone else, I'm not worried about losing my job to robots.

They are yet to come up with a machine that does nothing.

How many LaVeyan Satanists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Unlike you I am freed from the restraints of illusory concepts such as "light" and "dark".

I'm opening a wine bar

Unlike other wine bars we will only sell wine that is not very old. The name of the place? Statutory Grape.

Can these Madeline McCann jokes on here please stop? They're offensive and getting pretty old.

Unlike Madeline mccann.

Unlike all of you, I'm a loyal boyfriend

I'll never cheat on my girlfriends!

The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

Unlike their children.

As the nurse gave the newborn his first vaccine she said, You are lucky to live in a country where these are used,

Unlike Clark County, Washington

George Pell's age is being taken into consideration for his sentencing.

Unlike George Pell's choice of s**... partner.

What's the difference between a capitalist and a communist?

A communist will call you "comrade" while stealing everything you have, unlike a capitalist who won't bother calling you comrade.

A mathematician comes home at 3:00 AM

A mathematician comes home at 3:00 AM and gets a good shouting at from his wife
"You said you'd be home at 11:45, this is so unlike you!
The mathematician calmly responds,"No dear I said I'd be back home at a quarter *of* twelve."

A man made a car.

Unlike other cars, the entire thing was made of wood. The wheels, the steering wheel, the seats, etc.
One day, he decided to try it out. But for some reason,
it wooden work.

I want to die just like my grandpa, deep in my sleep

Unlike passengers in his car screaming and crying.

I always said I wanted to die peaceful in my sleep like my grandfather

Unlike his passengers

Unlike my friends, I don't waste money on so-called quality keyboards.

They're simply not worth ittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Statistics say that 2 out of 10 people don't understand how percentages work.

Unlike us, the other 90%.

Covid can't be beaten.

Unlike suspects. That's why Covid is the current #1 killer of cops in America.

When i die i want to die like my grandfather who passed in his sleep.

Unlike his passenges, who died screaming.

I trust escalators even less than stairs…

Because, unlike stairs, they are automatically up to something.

A conquistador was talking to a native about the superiority of his civilization.

"Unlike you savages we do not partake in cannibalism or human sacrifice. Now eat your body and blood of Christ or we'll burn you at the stake!"

Unlike joke, I've never been good at chess.

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