The Best 45 Universal Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Universal jokes. There are some universal studios jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these universal molecular puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Universal Jokes and Puns

The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.

There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box of chocolates every year he visits us, why what do you give him?
The Pope fell silent.

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.

Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.

I thought to myself, "Well, this changes everything"

Universal joke, I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.

Blood Types

Watching 'Archer' and the topic of blood types came up. Conversation was as followed:

Friend: "Which blood type is the universal donor?"

Me: "O negative"

Friend: "Which is the universal receiver?"

Me: "Your mom."

*Hilarity ensued*

I just got a new universal remote

Wow! This changes everything...


There's a new Fast & Furious ride at Universal Studios

I really hope I don't get Paul Walkers car

It was a sad day when I discovered…

my new Universal Remote Control does not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.

Universal joke, It was a sad day when I discovered…

What have testicular torsion and a day at universal adventures got in common?

You are probably going to end up having a ball.

The Universal Miss award goes to

Steve Harvey.

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

How do you get the GOP to support universal healthcare?

Make it for *White* people only.

You can explore universal theory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean universal basic dad jokes. There are also universal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I bought a universal remote today.

I was disappointed to find out that it does not, in fact, control the universe. Not even remotely.

What do you call a large vehicle that travels the world serving breakfast?

Universal cereal bus

I bought a universal remote the other day

and I thought to myself "Wow, this changes everything!"

Where might a server store items retrieved from a table?

A Universal Serial Bus-tub device

AMA character from the Universal Studios Harry Potter world

Really! I'm Sirius!

Universal joke, AMA character from the Universal Studios Harry Potter world

Why don't many cats play cards?

Too many cheetahs!

(A staffmember at Universal Orlando said this to our daughter last week. She was pretty tickled.)

7 Great Wonders of Communism:

1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everything.
6. Despite everyone having everything, everyone remained a thief.
7. Despite the universal theft, no one was ever missing anything.

Why did aliens vote for Bernie Sanders?

Universal Healthcare


At long last I've done it! I've invented a Universal Solvent...

I just don't have anything I can put it in

Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare?

Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment

What's the best thing about working for Santa Claus?

Universal elf care.

After 50 years of research, Einstein had finally created his universal theory about space

It was about time he did...

I was running late this morning to I took my weet box to eat on my commute to work. In my tired state I hopped on the wrong bus which instead of taking me to work went hurtling through space.

I accidentally had gotten on the Universal Cereal Bus.

What is the universal fetish for scientists?

LaTeX...

I keep trying to tell Americans a joke about universal healthcare

But they just don't get it

What does 'U' in America stand for?

Universal healthcare

My universal remote is finally here

Now this changes everything

What does USB-C stand for?

**U**niversal

**S**erial

**B**us,

in**C**ompatible with other USBs

Why don't you drink universal indicator?

Because it'll reveal how basic you are.

Don't worry if you don't understand the term "universal predicament".

It's a common problem.

This Thanksgiving, we are reminded of the one universal thing that we should all be thankful for

Those that sort by new

My doctor was telling me that my blood tests had a typo

So I guess it's pretty cool to be a universal donor.

Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl?

Because the universal currency is Starbucks

I'm excited visiting the Harry Potter world in universal studios until I saw a sign on one of the rides

You must be this tall to ride Hermione ....

What do you call a murderous Universal solvent?

A final solution

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

What do Universal Studios and Pinocchio have in common?

They both own a woodpecker

The key to fixing all of the world's problems is drinking more water

It's the universal solvent

What do you do if the US doesn't have money to fund something like universal healthcare?

Just say it's for the military.

Why do ants look to water for advice?

It's a universal solve ant.

OECD: Wanna hear a joke?

USA: OK

OECD: Universal Healthcare

USA: I don't get it

OECD: You're **never** gonna get it!

I have a joke about universal healthcare

but americans wont get it.

I bought a used universal remote at a flea market

The volume down button was broken but it only cost a nickel.... I couldn't turn it down.

After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the universal astronomy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working universal derivatives piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes