Univ Jokes
69 univ jokes and hilarious univ puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about univ that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Univ Short Jokes
Short univ jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The univ humour may include short unison jokes also.
- I'm on holiday visiting the math dept. at Univ. of Manchester, England. I guess I'm an Alan Turist.
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Univ One Liners
Which univ one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with univ? I can suggest the ones about unite and unicycle.
- What school did Darth Vader attend? Univer-sith-y
... I'll let myself out.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Univ Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about univ you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean united nations jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make univ pranks.
Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department?
The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.
The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.
A university in the United States was robbed of a whopping $170,000
One student managed to erase his own debt.
Why is the universe feminine in nature?
Because it's made up of galaxies.
Universities have the strangest degrees now, have you heard about the degree in Ballet?
It's so hard that they all get tutus.
Why does the universe expand?.... All the Milky Ways.
You get it.
How many OU (University of Oklahoma) coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They aren't about to change a bulb when flipping a switch has worked for 15 years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Universities ...
Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is.
Oxford Uni spent £100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman.
Cambridge Uni spent £250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man.
Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.
The universe implodes....
No matter.
I just got a new universal remote
Wow! This changes everything...
Which university has the most muslims?
SUNY
What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?
None attended the University of Miami.
70% of all university students identify themselves as procrastinators. ..
The other 30% haven't gotten round to it yet.
University: "Got any money for tuition?"
Me: "Go Fish"
What's the #1 university for the hearing impaired?
Yale.
The Universal Miss award goes to
Steve Harvey.
If the universe were not absurd, would it make sense?
squid
If the universe really is a computer program. ..
I guess Jesus really does save us.
Probably in a file somewhere.
At university I was going to join the debating class...
...but someone talked me out of it
My university lecturer makes all of his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.
It's textbook economics.
University....
Close to being unemployed but with your parents still being proud of you
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My university offers s**... education lessons....
Guess I should sign up for intercouses.
Why did the University of Kentucky have to put AstroTurf down on the stadium?
To keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
My university just announced a Computer Science exchange program with an Indonesian university
I'm really excited for the courses in Java
What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition?
Financial Ayyyyyyd
I'll^see^myself^out
What do you and the universe have in common?
You both started with a Big Bang.
(I've known this joke for a longtime and I don't remember if I made it)
I went to university with Saddam Hussein
We were studying chemistry and combined inhumanities
There is a university in Germany that continually searches for the biggest piece of wood
Its the Max Plank institute
I almost had a 4.0 at University.
It turns out that Greek mythology was my Achilles elbow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
Why don't University of Wisconsin football players ever date University of Minnesota cheerleaders?
Ever seen what a badger does to a gopher hole?
University is no fun...
No fun et al.
At my university the only way to have a mini-fridge in my room is to have a medical condition...
Apparently being an alcoholic doesn't qualify...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came to University thinking I'd get some of dat hot b**...
But the only time I got some was when my fingers went through that cheap campus toilet paper.
My university is so concerned about the environment..
They've been recycling past papers since 87'.
Why did the University of Alabama choose to be the "Tide"?
Because elephant was too hard to spell.
Maybe the universe is like a giant party...
and the planets just awkwardly follow the sun around because they don't know anyone.
They say university makes you a well-rounded student
'cause it sounds better than saying freshman 15
The universe
is contracting.
RIP Professor.
Universty exams be like
boy on a bicycle increases his velocity from 5 m/s to 20 m/s in 10 seconds. What is the boy's name?
They said that the universe is just a computer simulation
Well 6.5 billion years ago there were no computers!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the universal f**... for scientists?
LaTeX...
My university demanded we use a specific type of notebook
It's college rule
I was trying to think of what the universe was like before the big bang.
Nothing came to mind.
If you think about it
Everything in the universe is either icecream or not icecream.
Even if the universe ends with a Big Freeze
We'll still be 0K!
Universal Language
Do you agree that English is literally the universal language since more than 50% of alien species in the movies, tv series and books speak it. Haha
What does the "h" in university stand for?
Happiness
Why go to university and get a degree?
When I can go to a corner and get 90 degrees!
A universe without USA would be
nivere
Going to university is like getting a tattoo.
It's painful, expensive, and sometimes you regret even doing it.
Everyone at my university is morbidly obese, it's making my brain hurt
Specifically, I think it's the hippo campus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at university for a lesson today, and my psychology lecturer asked us what makes a t**... tick.
Apparently, "a bomb" was not the right answer.
The University of Kansas football program just traded in all their company vehicles for new ones...
They wanted Les Miles
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the University, I used to make videos of u**... at different resolutions.
I even got a pee HD.
Thanks university! I don't think I can ever repay you!
Spend a 100k to get a 40k job...
A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.
To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.
They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.
The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.
"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.
University is similar to high school
To a degree.
What do Universal Studios and Pinocchio have in common?
They both own a woodpecker
This is some very old university graffitti that's probably forgotten by now, so I'm posting it
Descartes: to be is to do
Nietzsche: to do is to be
Sinatra: do be do be do
If M&M's go to university,
do they become Smarties?
In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . .
. . . lousy Marx
There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology
It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.
My university professor and Gandalf have a lot in common...
..they both say "You shall not pass!"
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
A University of Alabama graduate gets a job
He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.
"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University of Alabama!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."
