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Units Jokes

50 units jokes and hilarious units puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about units that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Units Short Jokes

Short units jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The units humour may include short quantity jokes also.

  1. If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
    This is not a political post, I just want to travel
  2. Malaysian Airlines and United should merge That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
  3. "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
  4. UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
  5. I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
  6. Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
    Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
    United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons.
  7. A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
  8. What happens when you take a joke too far? The 45th President of the United States of America.
  9. How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
  10. Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines ceo Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

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Units One Liners

Which units one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with units? I can suggest the ones about sizes and tons.

  1. How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
  2. Why are you flying with United Airlines? Beats me.
  3. What's the biggest city in the United States? Obesity
  4. How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
  5. I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
  6. The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit
  7. It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog So I booked a United flight instead
  8. United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.
  9. You're a unit of power, Harry. Harry: I'm a watt?
  10. The United States government.
  11. United should rebrand to Adrenaline... Since they promote "fight or flight".
  12. America is converting to metric units... inch by inch.
  13. There is no reason to beat a dead horse Unless it is flying United.
  14. Why do you fly United early in the morning? To beat the crowd.
  15. "You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry." "I'm a watt?"

Units joke, "You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about units can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of units puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uproarious Units Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about units you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean digits jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make units prank.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.

A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest p**... suit."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."

TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes

That's why they were called rulers.

Apple's new iphone sold over 13M units this past weekend

I guess you can say it was a 6S

Why was the Death Star measured in miles?

Because they used Imperial units.

How much is twelve units of mass?

Dozen matter.

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.
The width of a milk jug is 5.5"
Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches
93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,6**...,6**...,6**... Feet
Divided by 5280
1,475,694,444 Miles
Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units
You get 15.8 AU's.
You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.

I was going to consider brief units of time

but now I'm having second thoughts.

What's a Mathematician's best friend?

Absolute units

After so long of h**... being just too hot...

The inhabitants decide to steal a/c units from Heaven and install them, making the place a little more comfortable. When the inhabitants of Heaven learn what's been done, they lash out in outrage. "How dare you! We'll sue you!" they cried.
To which h**...'s residents replied: "You can try, sure, but where are you guys gonna find a lawyer?"

I needed a new washer and dryer

So the guy at the appliance store sold me those units that have Wi-Fi. I've bern walking around with damp underwear for two weeks because I can't remember my password.
(Cr

I just realised something really coincidental.

Units of time can correlate to words of inferiority. For example,
* second = second (second place)
* week = weak
* fortnight = Fortnite

Units.

A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.
What is the unit of volume?
Milliliters.
What is the unit of mass?
Kilograms.
What is the unit of distance?
Meters.
What is the unit of power?
Yes.
(I know, it works a bit better spoken)

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

TIL that French military units do not fly the French flag.

They use a white flag instead.

What do a battleship and a belly button ring have in common?

They're both Naval units.

What did the police dispatcher say when a short psychic woman escaped from prison?

Calling all units, we have a small medium at large

f**......

I have a f**... for switching on air conditioning units.
It gives me vent elation.

How physicists see other sciences:

Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry
: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units

What do astronomers use to measure the distance between Earth and the Sun?

Absolute units.

I was talking to my science class...

...about Astronomical Units (Au). Our conversation was gold.

The world's top scientists and Americans were furiously arguing on Reddit about the units of measure until your mom brought cookies for snack.

It was then that both unanimously agreed that your mom is an absolute unit.

My doctor says I can have up to 20 units a week

but now I've eaten half my kitchen.

Sometimes I don't remember to convert SI units into their more common names. But forgetting s^-1...

Really Hertz

What evil do the USA and Darth Vader have in common?

Using imperial units.

What would happen if the United States switched from imperial to metric units overnight?

There would be mass confusion.

Yo momma so fat that....

....her tape measure was in astronomical units.

What's the hardest part about being a Liberal?

Telling your gender neutral parental units that you're straight.

I heard that scientists are meeting to redefine units of measure.

I'm kind of afraid that if we give them an inch they'll take a mile.

What is the scientific units for flatulence concentration?

Farts per million.

Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying

I See You

Shoutout to all the intensive care units...

I.C.U

Units joke, Shoutout to all the intensive care units...

jokes about units

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these units jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.