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United Nations Jokes

54 united nations jokes and hilarious united nations puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about united nations that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest United Nations Short Jokes

Short united nations jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The united nations humour may include short united nation jokes also.

  1. The United Nations is like a black father You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it .
  2. Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around? Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.
  3. Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back.
  4. I always tell people I work for the United Nations. It's a better way of saying I'm U.N.employed.
  5. How do you sing the national anthem of the United Arab Emirates? I'm Blue, Abu Dhabi, Dubai
    Abu Dhabi and Dubai
    Abu Dhabi, Dubai...
  6. The United Nations seem very concerned about British weather. Apparently there's some sort of looming crisis involving UK rain
  7. House Speaker: I now invite Bill de Blasio, the president of the United States to give his address to the nation. Bill de Blasio : 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC. Thank you!!
  8. The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies... It'll be known as the National Elf Service.
  9. A teenager went to United Nations for help... The UN judge asks, "Want are you afraid of?"
    He replies,"My face is so oily, I'm afraid the US would invade me."
  10. Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving? It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

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United Nations One Liners

Which united nations one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with united nations? I can suggest the ones about united states and united way.

  1. Saudi Arabia... ...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.
  2. Why is the United States always in political disarray? It's a nation without a litre.
  3. Why is it hard to cooperate with the United Nations? Cause UN I will never be a thing.
  4. America, you're fired. Love, United Nations
  5. You can call me xenophobic... But I think the United Nations has too many foreigners.
  6. I feel like the United Nations right now.... I say I'm doing work but I'm not.
  7. Some people say the United Nations is haunted... But I don't believe in the supernational
  8. What is United States of America's national bird? Fried chicken
  9. I work for the United Nations I have been UN employed for a while
  10. The United States as a nation

United Nations Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about united nations you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean united jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make united nations pranks.

As my grandmother and I were walking towards the United Nations Building in New York City, we came upon a street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby.
He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come.
“I warn you,” he roared, “that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!”
An old woman in the crowd shouted snidely: “Sir, I have no teeth!”
“Lady,” the evangelist retorted, “teeth will be provided!”

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.
No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt against America. Michelangelo's David led the charge towards Italy.
As the war of human versus statue waged on, a group went into the United Kingdom, led by the Venus de Milo, intent on overthrowing the English government.
However, as the statues were ready to attack, the British generals noticed something. None of the statues had any weapons! No guns, knives, armor, anything.
After this realization, one British general turns to another, points at the leader of the statues and says,
"Don't worry; she's 'armless."

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, h**... announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.
"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.
"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.
"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.
Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has h**... seen this map?"

a soldier finds himself outside after night fall

A soldier finds himself outside his base of operations in a foreign country after night fall. He managed to find himself back at the main gate of entry but was unable to produce any physical evidence that he was in fact born and raised in the USA. The guard at the gate was not allowed to let anyone in who wasn't a citizen of the United States. The solider suggested that the guard ask him a few questions to prove in nationally. The guard then replied, "OK, sing the national anthem." The solider then sang the national anthem just as he has heard it at countless sporting events and county fairs. When he finished the guard said, "OK, now sing the second verse." The solider yelled, "I don't know the second verse!" to which the guard said,"you're obviously American, c'mon in."

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.

Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the things that made America the greatest nation in the world and we are going to leave our children with what they deserve: the single greatest nation in the history of the world.

If you fall asleep during a United Nations meeting...

...did you literally just Rest in Peace?

What's your opinion on the current meat shortage?

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City.
He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi man, a Polish man, a North Korean man and a resident New Yorker.
He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Saudi man replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"
The Polish man said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The North Korean man replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"
The New Yorker replied, "What is 'excuse me?'"

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '

Sir John and Chung Lee walking in front of the Buckingham palace

Chung Lee says: "When I see all these flags, my heart fills with joy!"
Sir John:"But you are a Chinese national only visiting the United Kingdom, how so?"
Chung Lee:"Did you ever read the labels on the flags?!"

Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the United Nations...

The question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure:
* In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant...
* In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant...
* In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant...
* In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant...
* In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant...
* In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant...
* And in the USA, they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant.

The United States EX Middle Eastern National Outreach Work program.

Also known as the USEXMENOW program

If the United Nations funded the creation of a Were-Wolf

Would it be a supra-national creature?

According the United States National Tourism Office Wal Mart is the greatest place you can take your family

to see the kind of people you used to have to pay admission to see in a freak show.

I remember when I worked at the United Nations

And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of c**....
Of course, I called him immediately.
"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"

I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...

Turns out it stands for United States of America
ALTERNATE JOKE:
I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...
Turns out that was my imagine nation

Joseph didn't want to go to the United Nations meeting. He called in sick.

I guess he was Stalin.

What is the proper term for a nation without coherent leadership?

Unpresidented
The United States is currently in an unpresidented situation.

*David Beckham* gets in a taxi at Dublin airport.

He notices the driver staring at him insistently in the rearview mirror.
After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks, Ok. At least give me a hint"
David Beckham sighs and says I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married one of the Spice Girls and played for more than 100 times for England's national team. Enough?"
Driver replies: No, you eejit! Where are we going??

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...

...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

Vladimir Putin is called to New York to answer before the United Nations for his invasion of Ukraine

Putin gets to the customs officer and presents his passport.
Customs agent: And what's the purpose of your visit, Mr. Putin? Business or pleasure?
Putin: Business, of course.
Customs agent: Occupation?
Putin: No, not this time. Just visiting.

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.