Unite Jokes

110 unite jokes and hilarious unite puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unite that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore the importance of unity through the lens of two different types of jokes. Learn how the alliance of nations, virtues and even beloved characters such as Pokemon and Christians can promote a unifying message.

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Funniest Unite Short Jokes

Short unite jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unite humour may include short unison jokes also.

  1. If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
    This is not a political post, I just want to travel
  2. Malaysian Airlines and United should merge That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
  3. "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
  4. UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
  5. I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
  6. Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
    Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
    United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons.
  7. A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
  8. What happens when you take a joke too far? The 45th President of the United States of America.
  9. How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
  10. Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines ceo Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

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Unite One Liners

Which unite one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unite? I can suggest the ones about unionized and univ.

  1. How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
  2. Why are you flying with United Airlines? Beats me.
  3. What's the biggest city in the United States? Obesity
  4. How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
  5. I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
  6. The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit
  7. It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog So I booked a United flight instead
  8. United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.
  9. You're a unit of power, Harry. Harry: I'm a watt?
  10. The United States government.
  11. United should rebrand to Adrenaline... Since they promote "fight or flight".
  12. America is converting to metric units... inch by inch.
  13. There is no reason to beat a dead horse Unless it is flying United.
  14. Why do you fly United early in the morning? To beat the crowd.
  15. "You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry." "I'm a watt?"

Pokemon Unite Jokes

Here is a list of funny pokemon unite jokes and even better pokemon unite puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Is it really 2016? Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze, and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.
Unite joke, Is it really 2016?

Unite joke, Is it really 2016?

Giggle-Inducing Unite Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about unite you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean integrate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unite pranks.

There are 3 keys that unite all males on the planet

Cntrl, shift, and N

Tall guys of the world, unite! There are people who seek to discriminate against us!

Surely, you have noticed it by now. All over the Internet people are screaming about oppression and then saying, "#notallmen."

The United States has such bad luck

It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

If the United States government had a reality TV show...

It would be called House of Tards.

Climate skeptics and 9/11-truthers unite!

Alternative fuel can't melt steel beams!

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.

Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

The United Nations is like a black father

You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it .

At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared

A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'

In the United States the colors red white and blue represent freedom.

Unless they see it in their rear view mirror.

The United Kingdom.

A country whose name is now ironic.

The horses failed to unite their government...

The parliament of horses could not pass a single bill.
The "Neighs" had it, every time.

The United States of America

Yeah, That's it.

United States once again votes for a minority President!

Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States.

United Kingdom: Brexit is the s**... most self destructive act a country could take.

USA : lol, hold my beer

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list

A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back.

What's the United States' biggest, most well-known export?


if everyone in the United States drove a pink automobile what would we have?

a pink carnation

Welcome to the United States...

Where the laws are made up and the votes don't matter.

Why would the United States ever consider using nukes on North Korea?

When we can just send them all our Samsung phones?

What's united airlines new slogan?

Our seats are so comfortable, you won't want to leave.

Was going to do United Airlines joke

But everyone already United Airlined me to it.

What's United Airlines most popular in-flight drink?


United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

A United Airline a day

Beats the doctor away

United we stand

Unless we are overbooked

United Airlines new customer service motto: If you can't beat 'em....

....BEAT 'EM!

United Airlines just dropped a new song...

It's a big hit!

United airlines did get one good thing out of this all.

Everyone will volunteer their seat if they're over booked.

What does United Airlines and The United Center have in common?

The cheap seat are nosebleed seats.

Not only does United offer a red eye service..

it also offers a black eye service.

That United passenger got the last laugh

He didn't leave his seat in the upright position

United is so popular now

They have to beat the passengers off with a stick

The United CEO, the Pepsi head of marketing, and Sean Spicer walk into a bar.

The bar bursts into flames.

Unites Airlines newest in-flight cuisine

Chinese Takeout

Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking w**....

You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

United inflight movie suggestions?

So far I've got:
The Chinese Connection
Necessary Roughness

United Airlines:

Enter as a Doc, leave as a patient

If United Airlines are ever underbooked

will they force people to get on?

Why did United decide to bump all the unwilling passengers?

They wanted a good punchline.

United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu

Beet Salad

United airlines- arrive as a doctor

Leave as a patient.

United Airlines service has become absolutely abysmal.

I mean, just 16 years ago, they'd fly you right into your office!

United we stand...

...United we fall

United Airlines new motto:

"Our prices can't be beat, but you can."

United Air hostess: Is there a doctor on-board ??

Passengers : There was.

I tried some United Airlines Salsa Today

*It had a some kick to it.*

Why does United require you sign an NDA?

The first rule of fight club is don't talk about fight club.

The United Airlines incident has me re-thinking the validity of...

the 'fight-or-flight' mechanism.

United Airlines

United Airlines, now offering Chinese take-out........

How is the United States and frozen food the same?

Kim Jong Un doesn't have the technology to nuke either of them.

United is #2 in chinese takeout...

#1 is n**...

United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane"

Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu?

I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.

The procrastinators of the world will unite...


The United States Postal Service is, in the interest of gender neutrality, discontinuing the title of "Mailman"

and changing it to "Personman".

Did you know that United Airlines has the cheapest prices!

Therefore, their prices are unbeatable!!!!!!..... but their customers aren't.

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!
(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common?

Chinese take out.

Why does the United States Military have so many children?

Because they've never pulled out.

If the United States is serious about stopping Kim Jong Un

Just send in Cam Newton - he'll overthrow Kim.

Introverts unite!

Separately in their own homes

Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare?

Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment

In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much

It's only a pence.

With how old the United States' politicians are these days...

... it makes sense that we as a country are suffering from electile disfunction.
Edit for autocorrect

What does United do when you don't have a ticket?

Beats me.

The United States doesn't use t**... techniques such as water boarding

The prefer the term "tactical baptism"

I'm a fashion designer who joined the Unite the Right march.

I just really hate dirty muslins.

The United States Post Office has issued a recall of the official Donald Trump Presidential stamp

People were too confused about which side to spit on

The United States finally outlawed the waterboarding of suspected terrorists!

They have decided to replace it with a more politically correct interrogation method: Tactical Baptism

In the United States, tomorrow is a Federal Holiday

and the government is supposed to be closed for a day.

Why did the United States invade Panama?

Just cause.

What did the 6 say to the 9?

United we stand, divided we fall.

If the United States put Trump on Mount Rushmore,

It'll be "huge".

By disrespecting Steve Irwin, PETA has done something many have failed to do

Unite us all as a species

Unite joke, By disrespecting Steve Irwin, PETA has done something many have failed to do

jokes about unite