Unit Jokes
154 unit jokes and hilarious unit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some great unit jokes? Check out our curated list of puns and jokes! Whether you're talking about storage units, AC units, G-Units, K9 units, SI units, unit circles, unit tests, unit rates, unit conversions, platoons, frequencies, or condos - you'll find something here to make you laugh.
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Funniest Unit Short Jokes
Short unit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unit humour may include short team jokes also.
- If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel - Malaysian Airlines and United should merge That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
- "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
- UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
- I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
- Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons. - A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
- What happens when you take a joke too far? The 45th President of the United States of America.
- How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
- Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines ceo Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
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Unit One Liners
Which unit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unit? I can suggest the ones about uniform and department.
- How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- Why are you flying with United Airlines? Beats me.
- What's the biggest city in the United States? Obesity
- How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
- I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
- The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit
- It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog So I booked a United flight instead
- United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.
- You're a unit of power, Harry. Harry: I'm a watt?
- The United States government.
- United should rebrand to Adrenaline... Since they promote "fight or flight".
- America is converting to metric units... inch by inch.
- There is no reason to beat a dead horse Unless it is flying United.
- Why do you fly United early in the morning? To beat the crowd.
- "You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry." "I'm a watt?"
Unit Test Jokes
Here is a list of funny unit test jokes and even better unit test puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that's just 25 cents. Heads is positive. Tails is negative.
- Student doing test: The unit of power equivalent to 1 joule per second is called the [....] Friend leans over: Watt is the answer
Student: I don't know, I've been trying to figure it out - Coordinate geometry is terrible. I failed the last test, but it turns out that the next unit continues it. Will I ever get distance from it?
- Whenever I Do Bad In A Test... I remind myself that I am more intelligent than the president of the United States of America.
- I always write great unit tests Wouldn't want a careless bug to c**... one of my viruses.
Unit Conversion Jokes
Here is a list of funny unit conversion jokes and even better unit conversion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was talking to my science class... ...about Astronomical Units (Au). Our conversation was gold.
Si Unit Jokes
Here is a list of funny si unit jokes and even better si unit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Samuel L. Jackson is obsessed with the SI unit of power. He keeps telling me to say watt again.
- What's the SI Unit for measuring Light's Weight? Hologram.
- Sometimes I don't remember to convert SI units into their more common names. But forgetting s^-1... Really Hertz
- "Yer the SI unit of power, 'arry"... "I'm a Watt."
Ac Unit Jokes
Here is a list of funny ac unit jokes and even better ac unit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are girls on only fans hot? Cuz they only got fans, they need to get an AC unit
- To whoever stole my AC window unit: Keep it. It's hot where you're going
- I bought a product that was supposed to turn me into an AC unit. I'm not a fan.
- It's so hot... ..the crackheads are putting the copper back in the AC units.
- It's so hot today... ... I saw a m**...-head putting copper back into an AC unit.
Howlingly Hilarious Unit Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about unit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean system jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unit pranks.
Local police canine unit got all their leashes stolen today.
However, the case had to be closed due to the police having no leads.
Sometimes I just like to switch off
I think that's why I lost my job in the Intensive Care Unit
Niggawatt
Def: theoretical unit of work. The amount of work 1 black man can produce in 1 hour.
Under what circumstance is mass a unit of time?
Church
The United States has such bad luck
It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
A Russian military unit receives sad news
One day, a Russian military unit receives news that Pvt. Pavlov's parents had died. The unit decides to break the news to Pavlov as delicately as possible.
The next day, the officer of the unit rounds up the men and then says: "All who have parents, step forward! ...Pvt. Pavlov, where are you going?!".
When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.
I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.
Does anyone know watt is the unit for power?
How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?
By sending in millions of Muslims
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
I was going to consider brief units of time
but now I'm having second thoughts.
[no spoiler] Why is the BB unit droid not hungry?
Because BB-8
Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa?
Nelson Candela
A Unit of Power Walks Into A Bar
Watt?
Why is the United States always in political disarray?
It's a nation without a litre.
What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?
Demeter.
Yerr a unit of power Harry!
Im a watt?
The United Nations is like a black father
You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it .
What is the favorite scientific unit of the French?
RPM ( Revolutions Per Minute )
What do you call the medic in a K9 unit?
A dogtor.
In the United States the colors red white and blue represent freedom.
Unless they see it in their rear view mirror.
What's a dog's least favorite unit of measurement?
Pounds
The United Kingdom.
A country whose name is now ironic.
The United States of America
Yeah, That's it.
A sergeant and two men from his unit walk into a bar
'Would you like to play pool?' The sergeant asked the attractive barmaid.
'No thanks darling' she replies. 'I'd rather play with your privates.'
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
What's the difference between watts and ohms?
Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.
Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list
A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back.
What's the United States' biggest, most well-known export?
Troops
if everyone in the United States drove a pink automobile what would we have?
a pink carnation
What's the smallest unit of time in the known universe?
The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.
Welcome to the United States...
Where the laws are made up and the votes don't matter.
Why would the United States ever consider using nukes on North Korea?
When we can just send them all our Samsung phones?
Was going to do United Airlines joke
But everyone already United Airlined me to it.
United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...
...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.
United we stand
Unless we are overbooked
United Airlines just dropped a new song...
It's a big hit!
That United passenger got the last laugh
He didn't leave his seat in the upright position
Unites Airlines newest in-flight cuisine
Chinese Takeout
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking w**....
You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
United Airlines new motto:
"Our prices can't be beat, but you can."
United Air hostess: Is there a doctor on-board ??
Passengers : There was.
How is the United States and frozen food the same?
Kim Jong Un doesn't have the technology to nuke either of them.
United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane"
Largest bill for Chinese take out to date
Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu?
I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.
100 people walk into a bar
The emergency unit was overly busy that night.
The United States Postal Service is, in the interest of gender neutrality, discontinuing the title of "Mailman"
and changing it to "Personman".
Burn unit
I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with f**... burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed
What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common?
Chinese take out.
What do you call the unit that measures emotions?
A sentimetre.
If the United States is serious about stopping Kim Jong Un
Just send in Cam Newton - he'll overthrow Kim.
What's a Canadian's favorite unit of computer memory?
The Tim-byte.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare?
Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment
In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much
It's only a pence.
With how old the United States' politicians are these days...
... it makes sense that we as a country are suffering from electile disfunction.
___
Edit for autocorrect
People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought our family closer.
We now live in a one bedroom unit.
What's the unit for power?
I said, what's the unit for power?
My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.
Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?
What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?
A Kylometer
A wind turbine and an A/C unit walk into a bar
The wind turbine asks: "Hey man! How's your job going?"
A/C unit: "ehh, it's cool but I'm not a huge fan."
Student: What's the unit for joules per second?
Teacher: Correct.
What does United do when you don't have a ticket?
Beats me.
Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.
It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.
0 K, man.
What an absolute unit.
The United States doesn't use t**... techniques such as water boarding
The prefer the term "tactical baptism"
Met Kelvin the other day
What an absolute unit, that lad.
I met a man called |-5kg|
He was an absolute unit
I said to the wife 'I've got a problem.
' She replied 'No, we have a problem, we're a couple, we're married, were a unit, your problem is my problem were in this together.'
Overwhelmed with relief I said 'its hardly worth mentioning now.'
But she was insistent on knowing, 'what's is the problem?'
I then had to explain to her that 'we have got your sister pregnant!.'
Talked with a former officer in the Bomb Disposal Unit
I asked him how he dealt with the stress of the job?
"Never had any stress with it." he said
When I asked how come, he said, "It's easy. I either get it right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore."
A women wakes up in hospital after a v**... tuck to 3 bunches of flowers...
...one from the surgeon to say 'all went well'. One from her husband to say 'get well soon'. And one from Tommy in the burns unit to say 'thanks for the new ears'.
Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?
Because it's an absolute unit.
Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)
Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth
I used to work with a guy called Kelvin.
He was an absolute unit!
When I learnt that the coldest temperature in the universe is 0 Kelvin, I thought to myself,
That's an absolute unit right there
