Unharmed Jokes
14 unharmed jokes and hilarious unharmed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unharmed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Unharmed Short Jokes
Short unharmed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unharmed humour may include short unarmed jokes also.
- Throughout my career, I have delivered many babies. I have always enjoyed parents's look when they see their kids returned to them safely and unharmed after they pay me the ransom I asked.
- A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him. He remained unharmed.
- Al Qaeda has announced that they've captured Russian mercenaries in Mali. If they aren't paid $10 Million ... they'll release the mercenaries unharmed.
- A train carrying republicans to a retreat crashed into a garbage truck. It's all ok everybody. The trash was completely unharmed.
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Unharmed One Liners
Which unharmed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unharmed? I can suggest the ones about harmless and unprotected.
- A man walks into a bar He was startled, but unharmed.
Comical & Quirky Unharmed Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about unharmed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean untouched jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unharmed pranks.
Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
A Shlep on the Beach
A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"
Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:
"He had a hat!"
Alligator and g**...
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and says I will bet anybody that I can put my g**... into his mouth for 1 minute and take them out unharmed. Everybody put money into this and after 1 min he smashes a beer bottle on the alligators head and pulls his g**... out unharmed and offers anybody else a try. A woman puts up her hand and says "ill give it a try, but you gave to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
A Jewish Grandmother and her Grandson are walking on the beach...
When a wave comes over the grandson and takes him under. The grandmother falls to her knees and begs, "Oh God! Please bring back my grandson!"
Another wave crashes, and the grandson is soaked, but otherwise unharmed. The grandmother looks to the skies and says, "Where's his hat?"
Donald Trump is convicted of treason
His punishment is hanging. On the day of his execution, the rope is tied around his neck as thousands watch. The floor drops, but Trump is unharmed. The noose was fake.
A woman is giving birth on a boat
The baby comes out, but a sudden wave causes the boat to rock and the child is sent tumbling overboard into the ocean. The parents are horrified, until they see that the child is miraculously floating in the water, completely unharmed.
It's a buoy.
There a man in the Soviet Union who always complained about the constant shortages
One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant asked him why he wasn't shot despite his constant criticism of the state. The man answered, "The Gulags have the same problem as we do, they've ran out of bullets!"
One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard
The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.
Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!
…
…
But alas… The poor b**... were forced to resort to cannonballism.
Cinderella is late for the ball when her period comes.
To her great relief, her fairy godmother is able to fashion a magic t**... out of a pumpkin. But she warns her, you MUST be home before midnight, or it will turn right back!
Midnight comes and goes, and the fairy godmother goes from angry to terribly worried. At 5 am Cinderella shows up, smoking a cigarette and looking rather disheveled, but seemingly unharmed.
Where have you been!? yelled the fairy godmother.
I'm fine, relax! Had a lovely evening. I ended up meeting a man! I don't remember his name exactly, Peter Peter Pumpkin something.