Unhappy Jokes
76 unhappy jokes and hilarious unhappy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unhappy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Unhappy Short Jokes
Short unhappy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unhappy humour may include short unsatisfied jokes also.
- I'm unhappy with prime day amazon Prime day is on the 21st. I personally would not partake of Prime day unless it were on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 7th, 11th, 13th, 17th, 19th, 23rd, 29th, or 31st
- What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?
- "You will marry the woman I choose," said my dad. I said, "But look how unhappy it made you."
- In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables. I left because i was unhappy with the celery.
- When Catholics accepted the Pope as their leader, some people were unhappy. They came out on the streets with signs and placards. I think they were protestants.
- Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy? Cause, whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time.
- New study shows that 4*20+10+7 percent of French people are unhappy with the French counting system.
- Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy? Because when he had the momentum, he didn't have the position.
- What's something that starts in m and ends arriage that makes people unhappy. Miscarriage...
- Why was the little inkblot so unhappy? Because his mother was in the pen and they didn't know how long the sentence would be.
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Unhappy One Liners
Which unhappy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unhappy? I can suggest the ones about dissatisfied and disgruntled.
- Why are math teachers so unhappy? Because they have a lot of problems.
- If ignorance is bliss... Why are all my friends so unhappy ?
- A pineapple and a grapefruit fell in love But they're unhappy 'cause they cantaloupe
- Why was the Englishman's wife unhappy? Cause he could only get a semi
- Why was the King unhappy with the weather? Because it was reigning.
- Someone once told me, GO FOR BROKE! I'm unhappy to report that I succeeded.
- What did the Vietnamese sandwich salesman say to the unhappy mod? Bánh mì
- Why are Unhappy Marriages like the Police They crush the life out of you.
- I've been in two unhappy marriages... My first wife left me, and my second wife won't ;)
- Why is Miss Clause unhappy with her and Santa's relationship? He only comes once a year
- What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Two very unhappy animals.
- A lesbian was unhappy with her Dish Network satellite TV bill...
- Why was the Eunich Squirrel unhappy? Because he had no nuts.
- What do you call an unhappy Iraqi pig? Sad ham.
- Confucius say, "Happy wife lead to soft hands... Unhappy wife lead to softer hands."
Gather Around for Heartwarming Unhappy Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about unhappy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disappointed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unhappy pranks.
Flowers.
A blonde and a brunette are having a conversation at work one day, when a delivery of flowers are dropped off for the brunette.
The brunette sees the flowers and appears unhappy.
"What's wrong?," asks the blonde, "I wish my husband cared enough to send me flowers for no reason!"
The brunette explains, "It means I have to go home and lay on the bed with my legs in the air for him tonight.
The blonde, surprised, asks "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
Emergency Services
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....
A geneticist was unhappy with the result when he spliced potato DNA with that of his own g**....
Nobody likes dictators
This is what I learned from Russian Literature
Alright so 2 guys and 1 girl are stranded on a island
If they were French then they would have a "m**..." and get along just fine.
If they were English then they would be mad at each other because none of them were properly introduce.
And if they were Russian then the girl would have married the guy she didn't like and everyone would be unhappy.
In honor of my cakeday...
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
"What's eating you?"
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
A maid asks for a raise
A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"
Heisenberg's wife was unhappy...
because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad.
Why was the programmer unhappy at his job?
He wanted arrays. It had to be reiterated several times before it was sorted out.
Civil war
To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns.
A Doctor says to his Patient...
A Doctor says to his Patient, "I am unhappy to inform you that you have Cancer and Alzheimer's." The Patient then replies with a happy face, "At least I don't have Cancer."
When do people have unhappy bowel movements?
On sad-t**...-days.
Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy
always trying to leave each other, only to be brought back together by a third party
The toilet brush
A man walks into a store looking for a toilet brush. The store owner shows him a variety of brushes at various pricepoints. The man thinks for a little while, then buys the cheapest one.
The next day the man is back at the store. "Were you unhappy with your purchase?" asks the shopkeeper. "We have other models that might work better."
The man agrees and buys a little more expensive one.
The next day the man is back yet again. The shopkeeper, visually puzzled on how a toilet brush can be such a big deal, asks "What's the matter, didn't like the new one either?"
"Well" replies the man. "To be honest it *was* pretty effective. But I gotta say, I prefer toilet paper!"
Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!
Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.
So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic
Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus
Father: He will go to heaven after he dies
Imam: What will he get there?
Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,v**... Mary...
Imam: Thats the problem, Only One v**......
White hair
One day, a girl walks to her mother and look at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why are some of your hair white mom?"
The mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"
The situation down south is too much
People unhappy, wanting to leave their country and come over to ours like they're entitled to it, corrupt law forces and an all around mess. As a Canadian this is too much
I had a horrible experience giving blood today, the staff were horrible, the needles hurt and I felt really unhappy.
Apparently I'm, "a negative".
Remain Calm :)
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line
My wife has been unhappy in the bedroom for a while, so I asked her if there was anything I could do to make her happy, she said s**...
So she's sleeping and I'm m**...
A man walks into a restaurant...
A man walks into a restaurant, and the waiter asks him what he would like to eat.
The man replies, "Well I've never been here before, but I think I'll try the steak. Rare, please."
The waiter walks away, and a while later brings out his food. "And how did we do on your steak tonight?" The waiter asks.
With an unhappy look on his face, the man replies, "Well done."
An unhappy couple went to court to get a divorce.
The woman thought she should have custody for the kids, as she was the one who gave birth to them. The man then answered: If I put 1$ on a candy machine, and a piece of chocolate comes out. Who owns the chocolate?
Mom got a s**... change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
Why was the female scarecrow unhappy with her husband?
She was not satisfied with the results of his straw pole.
Husband in bed.
Woman looks deeply unhappy at herself in the mirror while getting ready for bed. She exclaims, Just look at me!..My hair is grey, wrinkles under my eyes, my b**... sag, my legs fat (GROAN!) . Husband, say something nice! Please!
Husband: Well, at least your eyesight is okay!
If you're unhappy when single, you won't be happy in a relationship.
Happiness come from DRUGS not relationships.
When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."
"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"
"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."
Today a large shipment of Chinese dumplings was thrown to the ground and smashed into crumbs by vandals who are unhappy with a change in the savory treat's recipe.
Local officials are said to be appalled by the wonton destruction.
Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.
The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"
Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."
The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"
Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"
A guy at work takes out his lunchbag and looks inside
He sighs and says "a tuna sandwich again? I'm getting tired of this."
The next day during the lunch break he takes out his lunch bag, opens it, looks inside and again he sighs, saying "every single day for lunch, a tuna sandwich. I really can't take it anymore."
His friend says to him "if you're so unhappy with the same tuna sandwich every day, why don't you just ask your wife to make something else for you?"
The guy replies "I'm the one who makes the lunch."
A young woman goes to a fortuneteller. The fortuneteller tells her that she will be broke and unhappy until she turns fifty.
What happens when I turn fifty? the young woman asks, staring down at the cards.
Oh, nothing, said the fortuneteller. You'll just be used to it by then.
My wife is p**... off at me...
She told me how unhappy she is with her c-section scar and I tried to comfort her. Apparently "honey, don't worry, your t**... will cover it up" was not the right answer.
A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.
A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhappy and disinterested in each other for many decades.
The lawyer is a bit shocked and asks why after all this time have they chosen to get divorced.
The ancient couple exchange a glance and the man says well...we just thought we should wait till the children were dead.
A man once challenged everyone that he can answer all questions with just two sentences.
The man claimed that all questions can be answered by either "None of your business" or "None of my business".
Then a wise man came to him, and asked, "Don't you think answering questions like that make people unhappy?"
The man replied with "None of my business."
The wise man then asked again, "Do you think you are the most clever person on the Earth?"
The man simply told him "None of your business."
And the wise man smiled, asked politely, "Do you know I slept with your wife?"
A soldier's wife has just returned from her insurance provider and is looking very, very unhappy
"What's the matter?" Her friend asked.
"I went to get my husband covered privately, but the fine print stated: no payouts when the holder dies as a result of an e**... and/or from injuries sustained in an e**...," she replied.
"Oh? So why would that make you unhappy?" Her friend asked.
"Well, it's too late to stop the freaking timer now!"
I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.
I want to make a gouda one.
Don't know about the happiest country in the world. But there is one country that's 80% unhappy.
Spain.
An unhappy couple are driving on a snowy night when they get into an accident.
Both of them are hospitalized soon but the wife doesn't survive. The husband is unconscious for quite some time after the accident.
When he wakes up, the doctor gently tells him the truth.
He says, "Sir, we have a bad news."
The man tenses up. He replies, "What? Is it my wife? What happened to her?"
The doctor feels sad saying this, "Yes sir, it's about your wife. She uhhh..."
The man cuts him off and say, "Wait, you said it was a bad news, right? Oh God she survived didn't she?"
A kind and generous doctor walks into a bar…
Seeing a balance of happy crowd inside she shouts happily free shots for everyone!
Half of the crowd happily get their best whiskey.
The other half of the crowd are unhappy and shout back my body my rights!
The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...
So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
A buddy and I went out to grab some dinner, figured the protestors in Ottawa would be ecstatic we were exercising our freedom.
Turns out they were quite unhappy with the man-date.
Why was Werner Heisenberg's wife so unhappy with him?
Whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time.
Maurice and Sadie were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary by having a meal at a restaurant with their friends.
Maurice looked unhappy, so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, asked him what was wrong.
"Do you remember on our fifth anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?"
"Yes," answered Michael, "I said you would get twenty years in jail."
"Well," said Maurice, "I would have been a free man tonight."
LPT: If You're unhappy with your life, remember it's a question of perspective, my friend has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises daily, reads two books weekly, but he's still complaining about his life
...in prison