Unexpected Jokes
102 unexpected jokes and hilarious unexpected puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unexpected that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the most unexpected, and funniest, jokes online. From guest appearances, to unexpected snow, and even ligma balls, get ready to laugh, and expect the unexpected. Read on for your favorite jokes about unexpected disasters, Klansmen and more. Whether you're a fan of puns or knock-knock jokes, this is the article for you!
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Funniest Unexpected Short Jokes
Short unexpected jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unexpected humour may include short unforeseen jokes also.
- This is a bit wordy… I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles, and now I'm experiencing some unexpected vowel movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
- Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing 'Don't Stop Believing'. It was an unexpected Journey.
- Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things? Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good. - Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire... It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad… - Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
- Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- I always make sure to call my Japanese friends before I go visit them... Turns out, they really don't like an unexpected fat man dropping in.
- Not only was John F. Kennedy's assassination an unexpected thing... It was also mind blowing.
- Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart beat fast, and changes your life forever. We call those people cops around here.
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Unexpected One Liners
Which unexpected one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unexpected? I can suggest the ones about incorrect and incoming.
- Mr and Mrs Lee unexpectedly had their baby early So they named him SUDDEN LEE
- What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...
PA....
-nish Inquisition - Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
- How do you call unexpected pregnancy in German? Kinder Surprise
- What do colorblind people say to the unexpected? Well that came out of the purple
- What do you call a person's tendency to discover drugs in unexpected places? potluck
- My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working. The Audacity.
- "I don't like to call it the One Ring" "I prefer 'unexpected item in the Baggins area'"
- Unexpectedly meeting a celebrity is cool, unless.... It's Chris Hansen.
- How do you call an unexpected Chinese guy? Sudden-Lee
- The other day I unexpectedly bought a cat. It was an impulse purrchase.
- Why was Pluto's child unexpected? Because it didn't plan it.
- I unexpectedly found out I'm color blind That sure came out of the yellow
- Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing . It was an unexpected Journey.
- Two men unexpectedly walk into a bar Bartender: "Sorry"
Most Unexpected Jokes
Here is a list of funny most unexpected jokes and even better most unexpected puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Unexpected She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots?
He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today.
Octopus under their bed: *whispers* Tell her about us, you chicken. - My Son's #1 Concern When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?
- Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life from out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes your life forever. We call these people cops.
- I've got a high tech toilet that's connected to the Wi-Fi and I just received a notification. There was an unexpected log in...
- Boss, I'm sorry I didn't show up until noon today, but… …this morning I unexpectedly became a father .
Well then congratulations, is it a boy or a girl ?
I won't know that for nine months . - Bilbo Baggins woke up in the morning and heard someone singing Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
- What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp? Well, that was an unexpected twist!
- The Past, Present, and Future unexpectedly meet in a bar ... It was a very tense situation!
- I unexpectedly had a good time today. I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
"Please excuse me, I'd like to get off". - Unexpected things "It says here on your resume that you're good at saying unexpected things.."
"Yes I am"
"But I thought you were gonna say something unexp- ..oh you're good"
Expect The Unexpected Jokes
Here is a list of funny expect the unexpected jokes and even better expect the unexpected puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
- They say to expect the unexpected Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
- LPT: Expect the unexpected and.... ....the light was on!
- Man buys an iPhone X. A man was devastated after purchasing an Iphone X with Android features ...
Well, you could say that was uneXpected. I mean, he expected apple but IOno - Chuck Norris doesn't expect the unexpected.
He knows the unexpected.
Sudden Unexpected Jokes
Here is a list of funny sudden unexpected jokes and even better sudden unexpected puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Chinese boy was unexpectedly born early... He was named "sudden Lee"
- I hate talking about my sudden unexpected erections... But sometimes it just comes up.
Entertaining Unexpected Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about unexpected you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean predict jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unexpected pranks.
A woman had 2 pet rabbits.
When they both died unexpectedly, she decided to get them stuffed so she took them to a taxidermist.
"Would you like them mounted?" the taxidermist asked.
She thought about it for a moment and said, "no, holding hands is fine".
The morticians wife.
The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the f**..., he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"
Socrates on jokes...
Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had i**....
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
Hunger Games : Mockingjay
For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.
My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana you glad I didn't say orange?"
Unexpected car wash...
So a guy in a pick up truck goes to a car wash, after a few minutes he gets waved in and starts to drive away. He looks back and sees a Spanish guy drying his rear window in the bed of his truck. He freaks out, swerves and a cop who sees all of this pulls him over. While the cop is walking up to the cab of the truck, the truck driver says "no one is going to believe this!" The Spanish guy looks up and says "NO! Juan will believe this!!!"
My boss fired an employee unexpectedly today and everyone wants to know why...
I think it's because he was caught with a bag of c**.... But regardless, our boss told us to keep our noses out of it.
A man walks into a bar and sees h**......
A man walks into a bar and sees h**....
"Hey, is that h**...?" he asks the bartender.
"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"
The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to h**....
"Hello Adolf."
"How are you?" Adolf asks.
"Good, what are you doing?"
h**...'s right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."
"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.
"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.
"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.
h**... becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.
"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."
--
The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
when her husband came home
I was having s**... with this beautiful woman at her place when her husband unexpectedly arrived home early. She turned to me and said " quick use the the back door ". In retrospect i should of just left but you don't get an offer like that everyday...
A man walks into a police station
with his head profusely bleeding.
Officer: What Happened
Man: My Wife hit me in the head
Officer: Why..??
Man: Her parents came over unexpectedly, so she asked me to go and get them something.
Officer: And..??
Man: I got them a taxi
What do you call an award given for an unexpected h**...?
A Pull-it Surprise.
I always carry a c**... in my wallet in case a date goes unexpectedly well...
that way I can impress her with my balloon animals skills.
Rabbits died
My neighbor's pair of pet rabbits died unexpectedly within hours of each other. She was distraught. I suggested she go to my friend the taxidermist. When she arrived, my friend tried to console her and she asked him if he could create a memorial. "Of course", he replied. He explained that he could stuff them and they would almost look lifelike. He asked if she would like them mounted.
"No" she said, "holding paws would be fine."
A couple of cosmonauts were heading to the moon when the unexpectedly turned around
Turns out the moon was full
I was playing scrabble and my dad played the word 'stneve'
Needless to say, it was an unexpected turn of events.
IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad passes away at 91.
Wonder if he collapsed unexpectedly at home?
I think t**... is a bad name for a c**... brand...
...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...
My Neighborhood's mechanic.
It's amazing how unexpected things happen around us, my neighborhood's mechanic was just arrested by the police for selling drugs...
Who would've known! I've been his customer for 3 years and I never realized he was a mechanic til now.
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.
One day, she asked her teacher Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.
The teacher responded What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Today i got a wage increase unexpectedly.
I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5 % raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, By the way, which companies are after you? I responded, The gas, electric and cable company.
Reddit Karma is like women
At first, everyone seems to have it except you.
No one knows how they work but everyone want them.
It would look really hard to get it untill you finally get it unexpectedly, somehow.
A difference of opinion and you lose them.
But they give you a sense of value even after being repeatedly told they are pointless.
Conclusion: Karma's a b**....
TIL that Austrian physicist Erwin Schrodinger suffered from a debilitating bowel condition that would often result in him soiling himself unexpectedly.
However, it was impossible for him to tell when he had had an accident, and lived in a perpetual state of both being soiled and unsoiled simultaneously.
This became known as Schrodinger's s**....
Homeless man tells the tale
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
Oh no, nothing like that, he said, because of Coronavirus, I was unexpectedly paroled.
The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...
..."This is the whey"
(Sorry)
So this woman had some heart troubles….
She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.
About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she's been. She says: "Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places."
Doc says: "really? Like where?"
She says: "at my b**..."…
My gf told me that I act like a clown
It was so unexpected and upsetting I stopped juggling and almost fell off my unicycle.
I was browsing in a bookstore and found an English book about unexpected uses for a pry bar.
50 Ways to Love Your Lever.
A fairy once appeared and told a family couple
"For 25 years you were a wonderful family couple. I now shall grant each of you one wish."
The wife went first.
"I want to travel the world with my dearly beloved husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand, and instantly in the wife's hand appeared plane tickets and travel vouchers.
But unexpectedly the 50 year old husband said.
"This is really romantic and wonderful, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm sorry honey, but I want a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her magic wand once again, and immediately turned the guy into an 80 year old man.
Wife came home early from work
So the other day my wife unexpectedly came home early from work and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly with her. I agreed but while we were playing, I caught her cheating. I called her out on it and she just shrugged and said, "if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" That's when her sister burst out of the closet and said to my wife, "thank God you're cool with it, I thought I was going to be stuck in there for hours!"
One day in a busy restaurant, a man began to choke on something he had eaten.
Without hesitation, another man jumped up, ran over, pulled the choking man's pants down, and started eating his a**.... The choking man was so shocked and disgusted that he started to gag, miraculously expelling the blockage. His life saved, he thanked the other man profusely and asked how he had known that his unexpected actions would be effective.
The other man replied, "I thought everyone knew the hind lick maneuver..."
Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of the said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had i**....
