Unemployment Jokes
63 unemployment jokes and hilarious unemployment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unemployment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
- Short Unemployment Jokes
- Unemployment One Liners
- Unemployment Benefits Jokes
- More Unemployment Jokes
Funniest Unemployment Short Jokes
Short unemployment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unemployment humour may include short unemployed jokes also.
- I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
- I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
- The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is... If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
- An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
- I was trying to make a joke about the unemployed, But then I remembered that none of them work
- I woke up this morning and realised I didn't have to go to school today. I was so happy... then I remembered I'm an unemployed 43-year-old.
- "Your next spelling word is: beheaded." Can you use it in a sentence please?
"Sure, Kathy Griffin beheaded to the unemployment office." - Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis Unemployment strike again
- I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed - I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it because when they fired me, I had to show up at work anyway.
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Unemployment One Liners
Which unemployment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unemployment? I can suggest the ones about recession and job searching.
- Why was the rifle unemployed? Because it was fired
- I was going to tell a joke about unemployment But they never work
- What has 3 teeth and 100 legs An unemployment line in Tennessee.
- What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday? Unemployed.
- I have a lot of jokes on unemployed people... But none of them work
- I know a lot of unemployment jokes... Unfortunately, none of them work.
- What do you call unemployed Bob the builder? Bob
- What has 10,000 feet and one tooth? An unemployment line in Arkansas.
- Common synonyms of unemployed. Writer, blogger, and activist.
- I know a lot of unemployed jokes But they don't work :(
- I used to have a lot of unemployment jokes. Sadly, none of them worked.
- I have a few jokes about unemployed people But none of them work
- I remembered an unemployment joke... ...but then I realized that none of them work.
- I have a lot of unemployment jokes. But none of them work.
- I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people... Unfortunately, none of them work
Unemployment Benefits Jokes
Here is a list of funny unemployment benefits jokes and even better unemployment benefits puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Me hitting on a girl... I wish we could be friends with unemployment benefits.
- Do scarecrows really work? No, but because they don't register for benefits, they don't count as unemployed either.
- It's tough living being on unemployment benefit. Take my friend who's a dwarf for example, he's struggling to get food on the table...
Unearthly Funniest Unemployment Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about unemployment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean retirement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unemployment pranks.
Obama smoked w**... growing up, and now look where he is today
Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
Its not a profession.
Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?
Lets get Jobs!
Obama is the epitome of why Americans are so racist
Just another soon-to-be unemployed black man, evicted from his house, and living on government money.
Unemployment at its best!
An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for work!"
So today is 4/20
4/20 is national w**... day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.
I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is b**....
"They say that if you do what you love, it's never a job."
"How inspirational. Unfortunately your unemployment claim has been denied."
My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was too s**... to be a doctor
8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people
**but none of them work.**
Did you hear about the woman who was robbed by an unemployed acupuncturist?
She was stabbed more than 167 times but she felt awesome the next day.
A dog walks into the unemployment office..
"I need a job." He said, in perfect English.
Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?"
"If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"
I hate it when engineering students call themselves "Engineer"
you don't see med students calling themselves doctor, or art students calling themselves unemployed.
I tried a joke about the unemployed
None of them worked.
I'm unemployed and asked my friend for advice.
He told me: Get a job at NASA, they always have space.
I always tell people I work for the United Nations.
It's a better way of saying I'm U.N.employed.
Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"
"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"
"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?
"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."
"So you let your three decent kids fend for themselves, and kept the black sheep of the family at home? Isn't that wrong?"
"No, of course not. He keeps us supported financially. The other three are all unemployed."
(Translated from Greek, sorry if it don't make sense!)
Why in our lifetimes was there a programme called Dogs with Jobs?
They used to put it on at 11.30am! I resented a programme called Dogs with Jobs being put on when they knew unemployed people would be watching.
