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Unemployed Jokes

97 unemployed jokes and hilarious unemployed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unemployed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Unemployed Short Jokes

Short unemployed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unemployed humour may include short unemployment jokes also.

  1. I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
  2. I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
  3. The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is... If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
  4. An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
  5. I was trying to make a joke about the unemployed, But then I remembered that none of them work
  6. I woke up this morning and realised I didn't have to go to school today. I was so happy... then I remembered I'm an unemployed 43-year-old.
  7. "Your next spelling word is: beheaded." Can you use it in a sentence please?
    "Sure, Kathy Griffin beheaded to the unemployment office."
  8. Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis Unemployment strike again
  9. I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
    I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed
  10. I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it because when they fired me, I had to show up at work anyway.

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Unemployed One Liners

Which unemployed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unemployed? I can suggest the ones about homeless and unpaid.

  1. Why was the rifle unemployed? Because it was fired
  2. I was going to tell a joke about unemployment But they never work
  3. What has 3 teeth and 100 legs An unemployment line in Tennessee.
  4. What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday? Unemployed.
  5. I have a lot of jokes on unemployed people... But none of them work
  6. I know a lot of unemployment jokes... Unfortunately, none of them work.
  7. What do you call unemployed Bob the builder? Bob
  8. What has 10,000 feet and one tooth? An unemployment line in Arkansas.
  9. Common synonyms of unemployed. Writer, blogger, and activist.
  10. I know a lot of unemployed jokes But they don't work :(
  11. I used to have a lot of unemployment jokes. Sadly, none of them worked.
  12. I have a few jokes about unemployed people But none of them work
  13. I remembered an unemployment joke... ...but then I realized that none of them work.
  14. I have a lot of unemployment jokes. But none of them work.
  15. I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people... Unfortunately, none of them work

Unemployed joke, I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about unemployed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of unemployed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Unemployed Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about unemployed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean unhappy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make unemployed prank.

Obama smoked w**... growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)

Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?

Why does the Pope shower with his briefs on?

He doesn't like to look down on the unemployed.

How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, "Hey, I could've done that!"

Its not a profession.

Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'

p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?

Lets get Jobs!

Did you hear about the recently unemployed electrician?

Apparently he's now ohm-less.

An unemployed guy gets a call from the lady at the Employment agency

Lady : I have two openings for you.
Guy : I know.
The lady hangs up.

I'm unemployed, but now I can finally say I'm making six figures...

although all of those figures are zeros.

What do you call an unemployed classical musician?

Baroque

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah bless.

Why do priests wear underwear in the shower?

They don't like to look down on the unemployed

Homeless & unemployed cyborg law enforcer

Hobocop

Obama is the epitome of why Americans are so racist

Just another soon-to-be unemployed black man, evicted from his house, and living on government money.

Unemployment at its best!

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

Milio Yiannopoulos is now an unemployed immigrant on a work visa.

Let's deport him!

Educated Sons

1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief
Neighbour: Why can't you throw the
4th son out of your house?
Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.

Why are unemployed doctors always in such a hurry?

Because they don't have any patients

So today is 4/20

4/20 is national w**... day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

What animal can be found in the unemployment line?

The poorqueuepine.

My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind.

Unfortunately he's never passed a bar.

I wrote this joke about unemployment

I really just don't think it's going to work.

Give a newfie a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a Newfie to fish,

He'll draw unemployment all winter long.

Why can't you trick an unemployed jester?

He's nobody's fool

A talented unemployed singer is like communism

Sounds good, doesn't work.

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is b**....

"They say that if you do what you love, it's never a job."

"How inspirational. Unfortunately your unemployment claim has been denied."

Working at the unemployment agency would have to be a tense job

Knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was too s**... to be a doctor

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

How can you tell Jesus was Irish?

He lived at home until he was in his thirties, he thought his mother was a v**..., he was an unemployed carpenter who got into trouble with the Empire, his last night on Earth was spent out drinking with his mates, and his last request was a drink.

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people

**but none of them work.**

I have lots of jokes about unemployed people

Sadly none of them work

I have so many jokes about unemployed people....

...sadly none of them work.

I got a lot of unemployment jokes

But they don't work

I have a few jokes about unemployed people..

..but none of them seem to work

I have a joke about unemployment:

But it doesn't work

I have a good set of unemployment jokes.

Nevermind none of them work

Me hitting on a girl...

I wish we could be friends with unemployment benefits.

Did you hear about the woman who was robbed by an unemployed acupuncturist?

She was stabbed more than 167 times but she felt awesome the next day.

I got fired from the unemployment department.

They're still paying me though.

A dog walks into the unemployment office..

"I need a job." He said, in perfect English.
Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?"
"If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"

I hate it when engineering students call themselves "Engineer"

you don't see med students calling themselves doctor, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny

They just don't work

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician

"Don't marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women", my mother warned me.
"Don't marry a plumber either", she continued, "he will work on weekends and do other women's pipes".
"Don't marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and make other women pizzas"
And that's why I married an unemployed man!

I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people

Sadly they don't work.

Why was the pyromaniac unemployed?

Because he keeps getting fired! :D

the job interview

An unemployed reverend walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. "How did the interview at the church go today?" the bartender asks. "Not so good. They turned me down for the job, despite my 20 years of experience. They insisted they only want to interview brand new seminary graduates," the reverend replies. "I guess they were looking for greener pastors."

I've got a bunch of jokes about people who are unemployed

Sadly, none of them work

I tried a joke about the unemployed

None of them worked.

What's the worst things about working at an unemployment office

If you get fired,you still have to show up the next day,

God spoke to me today.

He said "Stay in bed and skip work".
Turns out my boss isn't religious and I'm unemployed.

I'm unemployed and asked my friend for advice.

He told me: Get a job at NASA, they always have space.

I always tell people I work for the United Nations.

It's a better way of saying I'm U.N.employed.

Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"

"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"
"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?
"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."
"So you let your three decent kids fend for themselves, and kept the black sheep of the family at home? Isn't that wrong?"
"No, of course not. He keeps us supported financially. The other three are all unemployed."
(Translated from Greek, sorry if it don't make sense!)

Why in our lifetimes was there a programme called Dogs with Jobs?

They used to put it on at 11.30am! I resented a programme called Dogs with Jobs being put on when they knew unemployed people would be watching.

Unemployed joke, Why in our lifetimes was there a programme called Dogs with Jobs?

jokes about unemployed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these unemployed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.