Undressed Jokes
52 undressed jokes and hilarious undressed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about undressed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Undressed Short Jokes
Short undressed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The undressed humour may include short topless jokes also.
- What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order
- A wise man once said... "If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether. - She said "undress me with your words" So I replied by saying "there's a spider in your bra".
- As she lay there in screaming agony... her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
- Cop: "Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted." Woman: "Why didn't you mention this to me when I was getting undressed? Cop: "Well, because that is permitted."
- You would think if a girl undresses you, that would be a sign of consent right? But the hospital says otherwise
- Do you know what do women and nail polish have in common? they both undress with the help
of alchocol - My friend told me that he wasn't sure if he would be able to set the world record for the quickest time to get undressed from a t shirt I replied 'don't worry, I'm sure you can pull it off!'
- What do you call it if every time you come home, your beautiful wife undresses and dims the lights? A well-designed smart home system.
- Why should you never get undressed in front of a mountain ? Because they're always peaking
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Undressed One Liners
Which undressed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with undressed? I can suggest the ones about clothed and stripped.
- Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the accordion player undressing.
- Her: Undress me with your words. Me: There's a spider in your bra.
- How does a programmer undress his girlfriend? gf.getString();
- The doctor is the only man... Who can get your wife to undress and make you pay for it.
- Everytime i get undressed in the bathroom... My shower gets turned on!
- "How much for dressed chicken?" "$1.28 per pound." "How much if it's undressed?"
- My neighbor sometimes undresses as if... .... someone is watching her.
- I like my salad how I like my women: Undressed.
- The nudist colony restaurant was so bad Even the salad was undressed
- You cannot taste me, until you undress me. - Banana, 2017
- It's important to make her laugh But not when you undress
- I'm so unatractive that when I undress only the shower gets turned on.
- Yo mamma so fat... If you undressed her with your eyes it'd take 2 days
- Why don't you undress in front of Pokémon? Because they might Pikachu!
- I like my women like my salad Undressed
Hilarious Fun Undressed Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about undressed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unarmed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make undressed pranks.
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally n**.... Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're n**...!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're n**...!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing"...
So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...
...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.
Man walks into Bar with a Dog ...
Man walks into Bar with a Dog and orders 2 Glasses of Whiskey.
He & his Dog empty the Glasses.
Girl behind the Bar is surprised and asks - Can your Dog perform any other tricks?
Man-Yes, He can fully satisfy a Woman.
Girl is too curious.. Deciding that she'll test the dog, she undresses and lies in full expectation.
Dog looks at her and does nothing....
Man to Dog: It's always the same with you, now this is the last time I am showing you how to do it..
Two kids watch a p**...-bellied man undress in a changing room,
One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the p**...-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"
Sleeping with POTUS
The night before the election, Mitt Romney was very confident & told his Wife Ann; "...this time tomorrow night, you'll be sleeping with the
President of the United States". After Mitt's concession speech, they headed to bed. Ann was getting undressed when she asked,.."...so how does this work? Is Barrack coming over here or I'm supposed
to go over there?"
Small o**...
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
"Your o**...," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied, "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
Too Shy!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
Two Men in a Country Club...
Two men in a country club are in the locker room getting undressed. Bob, asks Mike, "How long have you been wearing women's underwear?". Mike answers, "Since my wive found a pair in my car."
A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....
During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable u**... in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
Y'know, my wife and I, we never have s**......
... we get undressed, we can't stop laughing.
Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout.
As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.
"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.
The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."
newlyweds
On their wedding night as the recently married couple undress, the groom takes his pants off and hands them to her.
"Try them on"
"They're too big"
"Exactly and now you know who wears the pants"
She then takes off her p**... and tosses them to him.
"Put them on"
"I can't get in them. They're too small"
"And you won't be getting in them until you change your attitude"
A p**... goes to the doctor
p**...: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
p**...: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"
One night a woman undressed in front of her husband...
"what turns you on more, my pretty face or my s**... body?" Asked the wife
The husband looked her up an down an said, "your sense of humor."
I got a job at the s**... club.
"I help the girls get dressed and undressed."
"Great gig. How much?"
"Twenty dollars a day."
"That's not very much."
"It's all I can afford."
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret f**... via his search history...
"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.
Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"
A sailor comes back one morning after a long time at sea
His best buddy died on the ship, so he goes announcing the news, first thing, to his widow. One thing led to another and they are starting to undress, but she suddenly stares at him and stops, asking:
-Why are you only half mast?
-It's mourning wood
Bob Saget aristocrat joke
Man #1: A guy goes into a talent agent's office. He says, `I have the greatest act in the world.'
Man #2: Hey, oh.
Man #3: Me and my wife go on stage. We get undressed and I start (censored) my wife.
Man #4: I remember my grandmother sitting me down and telling me the joke. So she only spoke Yiddish. The only English word she knew was (censored).
A man visits a h**.... As they are getting undressed, the man seems in awe of her lady bits. Watsamatta, hun? You ain't seen wonnadees since you crawled out of one?
No...it's just that I've never seen one I could crawl back into.
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are u**... for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her p**... and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your p**...!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
An alternate version of a racist joke
A black man goes to a club and hits it off with an attractive white woman. Eventually they head back to her place and start u**.... As the woman is taking the man's pants off, she says "now... show me what you guys are really famous for".
So a police offer knocks down the door and shoots him.
Warning about pick pockets
At the local supermarket, two young women are standing at the parking lot exit, asking for a lift.
Shortly after leaving the parking lot, they will start u**... each other and making out, before one of them offers to give you a b**..., while the other steals your wallet.
It happened to me monday, two times tuesday and again yesterday
Old Man Jack married an old maid
Life had been hard on old Ethel. But they were truly in love, and their families agreed it was best for them to live out their final days in joy.
On their wedding night, Jack lay on the bed and watched his new bride undress.
She took out her glass eye and placed it in a velvet case.
Next, she removed her false teeth and put them in a glass of water.
Taking off her wig, she placed it on a small bust on the dresser.
She removed her prosthetic leg, and stood it beside the chair.
Jack finally spoke: "When you get to the part I'm waiting for, just toss it over."
A n**... police officer came to work
A n**... police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come n**...?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could hear u**.... Then after a while the same voice said all the males to get undressed. Everybody did that, so did I. And then after a minute the voice said GET TO WORK"
Commander: "And?"
Police officer: "And I came to work."
A man gets up early Sunday morning
He goes downstairs, puts on his bike gear, takes his bike in the garage but when he opens the door he notices it is pouring. Bummed out, he puts his bike back, undresses, goes back upstairs and crawls back under the sheets, spoons his wife and whispers: "Awful weather outside" And his wife goes: "Ha ha ha and to think my husband is out there on his bike right now"