Underwear Jokes
149 underwear jokes and hilarious underwear puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about underwear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
For a dose of good, clean humor, we bring you an article brimming with Jokes About Underwear. Whether it's a comical spin on an underwear kid's incident, a chucklesome situation from a popular underwear cartoon, or the bemusement surrounding an underwear pic, these jokes weave underwear into narratives that spur rollicking laughter.
These jests are innocently funny, making them perfect icebreakers, conversation fuelers at gatherings, or simply as a means to brighten an ordinary day. With these humorous anecdotes and punchlines, you'll realize that laughter truly can begin from beneath.
So get ready to embark on this hysterical journey because these underwear jokes are set to undress your laughter!
Quick Jump To
- Short Underwear Jokes
- Underwear One Liners
- Wear Underwear Jokes
- Underwear Day Jokes
- Superman Underwear Jokes
- Underwear Kid Jokes
- More Underwear Jokes
Funniest Underwear Short Jokes
Short underwear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The underwear humour may include short underpants jokes also.
- I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
- Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing, I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then.
- I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer... Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
- Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- "What are your dogs names ?" "Calvin and Klein"
"Like the underwear?"
"They are boxers." - I wear a mask. Not because I want to, but because it is considerate of others and helps stop the spread of particulates. I also wear underwear. Not because I want to, but...
- Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful Thought of this in traffic yesterday
- My mom asked me what i wanted for xmas. I told her some clothes and something small to play with She gave me underwear with a hole cut in the front
- I told my wife her new underwear was too tight and much too revealing. She said to me Wear your own, then .
- My next-door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line. I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.
Share These Underwear Jokes With Friends
Underwear One Liners
Which underwear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with underwear? I can suggest the ones about panties and lingerie.
- What Size Underwear Do Feminists Wear? #Double Standard.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? ... to get a better grip
- Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear Because it keeps their ankles warm
- Why dont witches wear underwear? So they can get a good grip on the broomstick
- Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their faces.
- What do underwear and nail varnish have in common? They both come off with alcohol.
- What's the best way to start an underwear presentation? Start with a brief introduction.
- I TOLD my wife: Your underwear is far too revealing .
She replied: Wear your own then! - What do you call a guy who fills his underwear with glitter? Pretty nuts
- How long did the underwear inspection take? A few minutes, it was only a brief evaluation
- A poem about old ladies underwear Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green. - I love Puma pants I sometime Puma underwear too
- Having a big nose is not an excuse for not wearing a mask. I still wear an underwear.
- Why don't electricians wear underwear? They hate shorts.
- There is an upside to eating Tide Pods.... It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.
Wear Underwear Jokes
Here is a list of funny wear underwear jokes and even better wear underwear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Having a big nose isn't a good enough excuse to not wear a mask. Take me for example. I still wear underwear.
- Did you hear about the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman? The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside
- Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing. I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then, you idiot.
- What kind of underwear do witches wear? None. Better grip when flying.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on the broom.
- What do thermometers wear for underwear? Kelvin Klein
- The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..." Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow
- How can you tell when a serbian girl isn't wearing any underwear? By the dandruff on her shoes.
- I walked into my psychiatrist's office today wearing only Saran wrap underwear… The doctor took one look at me and said, Well, I can clearly see your nuts.
- What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear? An algae bra.
Underwear Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny underwear day jokes and even better underwear day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I come home from work early one day, and I saw a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I askedhim, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He said, "you came home early".
- Yesterday was kinda boring, I pretty much just hung around in my underwear all day... ...got kicked out of quite a few businesses though.
- Having a bit of a lazy day... sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss doesn't look amused - I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
Superman Underwear Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman underwear jokes and even better superman underwear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Knowledge is like underwear, you need to have it but you don't need to show it but people always want to be the superman
- Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight The loser had to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life
- Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.
- Chuck Norris challenged Superman to a manliness competition Whoever lost had to wear underwear over their pants.
- I once had a fight with Superman We decided the loser has to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.
- Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled... Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.
- I challenged Superman to a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
- Chuck Norris and Superman Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
(Submitted at the request of my 10 year-old son.) - Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear. - [FIGHT] Chuck Norris VS Superman. Chuck Norris and Superman once agreed to a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.
Underwear Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny underwear kid jokes and even better underwear kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Courtesy of my 6 year old. She: What's that under there?
Me: Under where?
*cue, kids doubled over with laughter*
You said underwear! - How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear? Yellow in the front, brown in the back.
- The good news, is that kids' underwear is half-off at Meijer. The bad news, is that it's not all the way off.
Laughter Underwear Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about underwear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clothing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make underwear pranks.
Check-up
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Why don't Rooster's wear underwear?
Because their p**...'s on their face
My grandpa's favorite joke
A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?
To hide his b**....
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
An old man doesn't feel well...
So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"
During a lady's medical examination...
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
An elderly couple go to the doctor......
for the husbands annual physical. The husband is hard of hearing and he and the wife sit at the doctors desk after his exam. The doctor starts talking and tells the husband he is ordering some tests, and he'll need to provide a u**... sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample.
The husband looks over to his wife and asks: "what did he just say?" The wife replies "give him your underwear".
Shall I wear pants to work?
A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear… Well… It's up to you.
P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.
Guy walks into a psychiatrists office.
Guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but a pair of see through cellophane underwear.
Doc takes one look at the guy and exclaims. "well I can clearly see your nuts!"
Why did the sorority girl wear underwear?
To keep her ankles warm.
My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.
She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"
Had to quit my job as an underwear model
because the photographer kept telling me, "I'm just a cashier" and that I "need to leave Macy's."
A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."
A terrible joke
My friend was really mad at me because I was m**... while sniffing his sisters underwear I think it was because she was still in them. It really made the rest of her f**... a real drag.
A cheers for women's underwear...
...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it
What type of underwear does a fetus wear?
Fruit of the w**....
A body builder takes off his shirt.
A blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!"
He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!"
He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves you have!"
He replies, "That's 100lbs of dynamite, babe!"
He then removes his underwear and the blonde runs off screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her. He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that.
She says, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"
I got caught sniffing underwear...
I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,
What made it worse was she was still wearing them,
Made the rest of her f**... really awkward.
I lost my new underwear...
...I only wore them briefly.
I got beat up at a black lives matter rally for complaining about my underwear
These knickers where just making me so uncomfortable
Nuns
The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session.
The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
frown on her face. She began to speak...
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here, yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's underwear.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And I also found a c**....
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And it has been used!
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!
1 nun: Oh, No!
99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!.....
The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, u**..., and stool.
The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".
BodyBuilder and a Blonde
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was
A lawyer was confused and hassled with mathematics of a case...
... So he asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and p**... and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
I've just noticed the wife is wearing her s**... underwear.
This can only mean one thing.
She's behind with the laundry.
There's a man living near me who has 5 p**....
Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.
Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! ...Next Day... (Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.
I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the f**... very awkward.
A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear
The doctor says "that looks n**...", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"
I once met a man with 5 p**.... I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"
He said "Like a glove!"
My wife's got Meatloaf underwear.
On the front they say, 'I would do anything for love'. On the rear they say, 'But I won't do that'.
A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"
He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
My doctor asked me for a u**... sample and a stool sample.
So I gave him my underwear.
Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:...
Why don't witches ever wear underwear?
Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...
Wife told her husband
A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.
She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.
Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.
Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.
Have you met the guy with 5 d**...?
His underwear fits like a glove.
William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...
In hindsight "Shatner p**..." wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
An elderly, married couple walks into a hospital.
The doctor says to the old man, 'I'll need a u**... sample, a f**... sample, and a blood sample.'
The old man says, 'What?' So the doctor says it again. Once again the deaf old codger says, What?'
So the doctor yells it: 'I NEED A u**... SAMPLE A f**... SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!'
With that the old man's wife turns to her doddery husband and says, 'He needs a pair of your underwear'.
A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
Have you heard about the guy with 5 p**...?
His underwear fits like a glove.
A man walks into a costume party
Wearing nothing but underwear, and with a girl wrapped to his back with silver tape.
A friend of his welcomes him and asks "So... What are you dressed as?"
"I'm a turtle", answers the guy.
"And who is this on your back?"
"Oh, that's just Michelle."
(Probably a repost, I know, but the joke is just too good)
A short poem about women's underwear...
> Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.
~Lee Mack
She told me to remove the bra, so i did. Then she told me to remove the p**..., so i did. Then she looked me the eyes and said
Stop wearing my underwear.
A joke my dad always tells.
Mary Jane was swinging on the swing set when her Mama came out and yelled,
Mary Jane! Don't swing so high! The boys can see your underwear!
But Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.
My wife came into the bedroom & said "Take off my bra"......
So I took her bra off.
She then said "Take off my p**..."
So I took her p**... off.
She then said "Stop wearing my underwear!!"
Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.
At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.
Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.
What happened?
I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.
Okay, that's not nice, but no need to get all misty.
Well, she was still wearing them.
Oh, that's even worse.
Yeah, it ruined her whole f**....
Sorry, no native english speaker, but i guess you get the point.
Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside.
A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside. Concerned something had happened she asked, "What was that noise?"
The man replied, " It was just my underwear falling".
Unsure the wife asked again, "That noise was a bit loud for it to be just an underwear falling to the ground.
The man replied, " Yeah, because I was still in it"
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.
Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your b**...!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."
It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' l**... company has been discontinued.
Apparently "Shatner p**..." isn't a great name for an underwear brand.
A man takes off his shirt in the gym.
A blonde comes up to him and says, wow what a great chest you have! The man replies, Thats one hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes off his pants. The blonde says, Wow! What great calf's you have! The man then replies, that's two hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes of his underwear. The blonde runs off screaming in fear. When the man catches up to her he asks, Why did you run away? The blonde replies, I didn't wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!
My s**... neighbor told me her underwear keeps going missing from her clothes line and that shes going to report it to the police.
I almost s**... her pants
