Underwear Jokes

Following is our collection of knickers humor and skirt one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Underwear puns for adults, dirty boxers jokes or clean sweatshirts gags for kids.

There is an abundance of drawers jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 80 funniest jokes on underwear. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any undies witze you can hear about underwear.

The Best jokes about Underwear

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It's laundry day.

Have you heard about the guy with 5 penises?

His underwear fits like a glove.

What Size Underwear Do Feminists Wear?

#Double Standard.

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."


A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Why don't witches wear underwear?

... to get a better grip


Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear

Because it keeps their ankles warm

Have you met the guy with 5 dicks?

His underwear fits like a glove.

"Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..." NSFW

Well, what is it?" asks the doctor.

"I have five penises."

"Five penises!," exclaims the doctor, "How does your underwear fit?"

"Like a glove!"

I once met a man with 5 penises. I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"

He said "Like a glove!"

I got caught sniffing underwear...

I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,

What made it worse was she was still wearing them,

Made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear.

This can only mean one thing.

She's behind with the laundry.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:...

Wife told her husband

A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.

She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.

Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.

Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.


There's a man living near me who has 5 Penises.

Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.

I wear a mask. Not because I want to, but because it is considerate of others and helps stop the spread of particulates.

I also wear underwear. Not because I want to, but...

Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful

Thought of this in traffic yesterday

My mom asked me what i wanted for xmas. I told her some clothes and something small to play with

She gave me underwear with a hole cut in the front

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! ...Next Day... (Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.

An old man doesn't feel well...

So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"

My next-door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line.

I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.

This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...

... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"

The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"

The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.

"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.

The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."

"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."

The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"

The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, urine, and stool.

The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".

My wife came into the bedroom & said "Take off my bra"......

So I took her bra off.

She then said "Take off my panties"

So I took her panties off.

She then said "Stop wearing my underwear!!"

A terrible joke

My friend was really mad at me because I was masturbating while sniffing his sisters underwear I think it was because she was still in them. It really made the rest of her funeral a real drag.

I met a guy with five penises

His underwear fits him like a glove.

Why dont witches wear underwear?

So they can get a good grip on the broomstick

A man walks into a doctor's office...

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, listen, I've been having troubles with my five penises." The doctor responds, "Five penises! That's incredible, how does your underwear fit?". The man says, "Like a glove".

Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.

At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.

Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.

What happened?

I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.

Okay, that's not nice, but no need to get all misty.

Well, she was still wearing them.

Oh, that's even worse.

Yeah, it ruined her whole funeral.

Sorry, no native english speaker, but i guess you get the point.

Why don't chickens wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

BodyBuilder and a Blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was

A man walks into a costume party

Wearing nothing but underwear, and with a girl wrapped to his back with silver tape.

A friend of his welcomes him and asks "So... What are you dressed as?"

"I'm a turtle", answers the guy.

"And who is this on your back?"

"Oh, that's just Michelle."

(Probably a repost, I know, but the joke is just too good)

A body builder takes off his shirt.

A blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!"

He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves you have!"

He replies, "That's 100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He then removes his underwear and the blonde runs off screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her. He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that.

She says, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

A short poem about women's underwear...

> Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.

~Lee Mack

Nuns

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session.
The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
frown on her face. She began to speak...
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here, yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's underwear.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And it has been used!

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!

1 nun: Oh, No!

99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!.....

My grandpa's favorite joke

A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

A young girl comes home one day

And runs straight to her mum

"mummy look! A boy gave me $20 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"

The mum replied

"honey, he's just doing that so he can see your underwear. Don't fall for their tricks!"

The next day the girl comes home with $50

"mummy look! The same boy gave me $50 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"

The mum replied

"didn't i tell you not to! He's just doing that to see your underwear!"

The girl responded

"don't worry mum, i took my underwear off this time"

3 men die and go to heaven

At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter

Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas

The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree"

He is allowed into heaven

The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells"

He is allowed into heaven

The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear

Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?!

The third man says "oh well these, these are Carols"

What's the best way to start an underwear presentation?

Start with a brief introduction.

My cousin Fred wears lace underpants

My cousin Fred, who I had not seen for years, visited us during the holidays. After a good game of racquetball, I noticed in the shower that he was wearing frilly lace underwear.

It was kind of awkward, but on the drive home, curiosity got the better of me and I had to ask him: "Say Fred, I noticed you were wearing some lace underpants."

"Yeah, they are women's underpants."

"Oh - okay. I didn't know you were... er... since when did you start wearing that?"

"Well, ever since my wife found them in my glove compartment."

Job opportunity

A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more – Can you give me some more details? he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles from here.
Oh, okay… is that where the job is?
No sir – that's where the end of the line is right now.

My wife's got Meatloaf underwear.

On the front they say, 'I would do anything for love'. On the rear they say, 'But I won't do that'.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

A girl and a boy are at recess one day...

Boy : I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb the flagpole
Girl : Ok! (climbs the flagpole)
(Later that day)
Girl : Mommy, mom! A boy payed me money to climb a flagpole!
Mother : (chuckles) He just wants to see your underwear.

-NEXT DAY-

Boy : I'll pay you TWENTY bucks to climb the flagpole.
Girl : Alright! (climbs the flagpole)

-Later that day-

Girl : Mom, the same boy payed me twenty bucks to climb the flagpole; but I tricked him this time, and I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom : .........

A cheers for women's underwear...

...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it

Did you hear about the guy with five dicks?

His underwear fit like a glove.

How long did the underwear inspection take?

A few minutes, it was only a brief evaluation

During a lady's medical examination...

The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't take off your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"

A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear

The doctor says "that looks nasty", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees an advertisement for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he goes to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $85,000, but you're going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico. That's about 620 miles from here.'
'Good grief, is that where the job is?'
'No sir... that's where the end of the line is right now...

A lawyer was confused and hassled with mathematics of a case...

... So he asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD 3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything Sir! Dress, Underwear, Everything."

My doctor asked me for a urine sample and a stool sample.

So I gave him my underwear.

There is an upside to eating Tide Pods....

It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.

Lancelot!

Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him.

"I want to be with the Queen, help me"

So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Queen starts to feel the effect. Arthur, desperate, calls Merlin to advise him on what to do.

"Your majesty, this is an enchantment which only the saliva of noble knight Lancelot can cure. He must apply it to the Queen for three hours"

The King concedes, and Lancelot has his wish granted. The next day, Merlin goes to Lancelot:

"I've kept my part. Pay me"

"What? I won't pay you for only three hours!"

This angers Merlin, who leaves, then puts itchy powder on the King's boxers. Arthur, in pain, calls out:

"Lancelot!"

A poem about old ladies underwear

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.

What kind of underwear do witches wear?

None. Better grip when flying.

I got beat up at a black lives matter rally for complaining about my underwear

These knickers where just making me so uncomfortable

I lost my new underwear...

...I only wore them briefly.

Why don't Rooster's wear underwear?

Because their pecker's on their face

Guy goes to hospital and is seen by a nurse

"OK sir, if you could take your underwear off and we will see what the problem is".

The man is hesitant, "don't worry sir, I've been a nurse for 20 years, I've seen it all, I promise not to laugh." She says, reassuringly.

The man drops his undies and holds out his member, it is the same approximate dimensions as a AA battery, the nurse, despite her best efforts, let's out a small giggle.

She clears her throat, "I'm very sorry sir, I promise it won't happen again, can you tell me what the issue is please?"

"It's swollen." He says.

Guy walks into a psychiatrists office.

Guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but a pair of see through cellophane underwear.

Doc takes one look at the guy and exclaims. "well I can clearly see your nuts!"

What do thermometers wear for underwear?

Kelvin Klein

The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..."

Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow

Had to quit my job as an underwear model

because the photographer kept telling me, "I'm just a cashier" and that I "need to leave Macy's."

A joke my dad always tells.

Mary Jane was swinging on the swing set when her Mama came out and yelled,
Mary Jane! Don't swing so high! The boys can see your underwear!
But Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.

Shall I wear pants to work?

A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear… Well… It's up to you.

P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.

Why did the sorority girl wear underwear?

To keep her ankles warm.

She told me to remove the bra, so i did. Then she told me to remove the panties, so i did. Then she looked me the eyes and said

Stop wearing my underwear.

What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?

An algae bra.

Why don't witches ever wear underwear?

Gives 'em a better grip on their brooms...

How can you tell when a Serbian girl isn't wearing any underwear?

By the dandruff on her shoes.

Climbing the jungle gym.

One day Mindy's mother notices that Mindy has a dollar when coming home.

"Mindy, where did you get that dollar?"

"A boy on the playground gave it to me for climbing the jungle gym"

"Honey you can't do that! He's doing that so he can see your underwear when you climb up."

The next day Mindy comes home particularly smug with another dollar.

"Honey what did I tell you about climbing the jungle gym."

"Mom it's ok,"
says Mindy smugly,

"Today I didn't wear any underwear!"

Check-up

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

A tiger goes to the gym...

... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes.

When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on?

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes