Underwear Day Jokes
40 underwear day jokes and hilarious underwear day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about underwear day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Underwear Day Short Jokes
Short underwear day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The underwear day humour may include short underwear jokes also.
- I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
- I come home from work early one day, and I saw a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I askedhim, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He said, "you came home early".
- Yesterday was kinda boring, I pretty much just hung around in my underwear all day... ...got kicked out of quite a few businesses though.
- Having a bit of a lazy day... sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss doesn't look amused
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Underwear Day One Liners
Which underwear day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with underwear day? I can suggest the ones about wear underwear and underpants.
- I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
Underwear Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about underwear day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean panties jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make underwear day pranks.
A young lad went to a tailor shop in Scotland.
He told the tailor, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here, and if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings."
A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop.
"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of material left over. Take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."
The lad rushed home and donned his kilt.
He decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase.
Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to wear his underwear.
When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?"
"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.
"Aye, and if ye like it, y'ell really like what's underneath," he bragged as he lifted his kilt.
"Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.
Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.
My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister…
This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else!
One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cann’t overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have s**... with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word…
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her p**... off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"
Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!
A guy sits in front of TV all day, f**... like there's no tomorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog p**....
The wife, understandably is very angry, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna f**... your guts out."
The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, her husband falls asleep.
The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I f**... my guts out."
"What did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
Little Susie
Little Susie came home from school one day and shouted "Mom! Mom! I made $5 today!" Her mother asked "How did you do that, Little Susie?" Little Susie said "I was walking home from school when a man offered me $5 to climb a pole!" Her mother was appalled and said "Little Susie, don't do that! That man just wanted to get a look at your underwear!"
The next day, Little Susie came home from school and shouted "Mom! Mom! I made $5 today!" Her mother angrily said "Little Susie! What did I tell you about that? That man just wants to look at your underwear!" Little Susie smiled and said "But mom I tricked him... I wasn't wearing any underwear."
A farmer and his wife have been married many years.
The farmer has a talent for f**... very loudly. Everytime he does so his wife says "one of these days your gonna f**... your guts out." This goes on for years until after one Thanksgiving diner the wife decides to play a trick on her husband. She takes the insides she had cleaned out of the turkey, prior to cooking it, and sneaks upstairs while he is asleep from the big meal. She puts them inside his underwear knowing he's gonna f**... right after he wakes up and goes back downstairs to be with the family. After a while the family hears a scream from the bedroom and rushes to see what's going on. The farmer says to the family "well it finally happened; I f**... my guts out." The wife trying not to laugh asks "well what did you do?" The farmer puts his fingers together and says "by the grace of God and with these two fingers... I shoved them back up in there."
Climbing the jungle gym.
One day Mindy's mother notices that Mindy has a dollar when coming home.
"Mindy, where did you get that dollar?"
"A boy on the playground gave it to me for climbing the jungle gym"
"Honey you can't do that! He's doing that so he can see your underwear when you climb up."
The next day Mindy comes home particularly smug with another dollar.
"Honey what did I tell you about climbing the jungle gym."
"Mom it's ok,"
says Mindy smugly,
"Today I didn't wear any underwear!"
A man goes into a confessional. "Father", he said, "I slept with Kitty Greene last night".
"Say 5 hail Marys, my son, and all shall be forgiven." the father said.
Later that day, another man came into the confessional and said "Father, I slept with Kitty Greene 4 times last week."
"Say 20 hail Marys, and all shall be forgiven."
Later, The father is in his office having a discussion with one of his parishioners, when in walks a tall redhead wearing an emerald green dress, a big green hat, and matching green shoes. She doesn't say a word, but sits down in a chair with her legs apart. Both men can clearly see that she's not wearing any underwear. She sits there smirking until the father regains his bearings and asks the parishioner "Is... Is that Kitty Greene?"
The parishioner says "No, i think that's just the reflection from her shoes."
An old farmer, back in times of kolkhoz
lives his life peacefully until one day he realizes he doesn't feel as good as usual. He proceeds to visit a local doctor, old friend of his. Doctor makes standard check and finds nothing. He tells farmer to drop his pants for further inspection and as farmer does so the doctor sees farmer is not wearing any underwear. He tells him to get a pair of underpants "They are *cleanliness* and *warmth*, you will feel better!" Farmer takes the advice and gets back home to continue plowing field. He continues doing so, until he needs to take dump. He stops his tractor, heads to side of field near some bushes. As he has used, he drops the pants, sits and does his deed. After he is done, he pulls pants back and turns around get rid of his accomplishment he sees nothing but clear ground. "Wow, **cleanliness** indeed!" - he thinks.
The farmer heads back to resume working, sits down and says- "Ah, and finally there is the **warmth**."
Lancelot!
Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him.
"I want to be with the Queen, help me"
So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Queen starts to feel the effect. Arthur, desperate, calls Merlin to advise him on what to do.
"Your majesty, this is an enchantment which only the saliva of noble knight Lancelot can cure. He must apply it to the Queen for three hours"
The King concedes, and Lancelot has his wish granted. The next day, Merlin goes to Lancelot:
"I've kept my part. Pay me"
"What? I won't pay you for only three hours!"
This angers Merlin, who leaves, then puts itchy powder on the King's boxers. Arthur, in pain, calls out:
"Lancelot!"
A Bounch of guys offer a blond woman a box of cookies to climb a telephone pole..
That's easy she says and climbs up the pole. The next day theres even more guys and they offer her two boxes of cookies to climb the telephone pole. She agrees and does it again. The next day they tell her their friends don't belive she can do it and talk her into climbing up a third time. After she's done everyone tells her how amazing that was. When she gets home her mom says to her "you now those guys just want to see your underwear right" the blond replys "I know mom.. that's why today I fooled them and didn't wear any"
Priest, daughter and mother.
One day a priest was walking by and saw a young girl climb a tree. He went over to her, looked up and saw that she had no underwear on. He called to her to come down and gave her $15 dollars for some u**....
The young girl told her mother that the priest gave her money to buy some underwear when she got home. The mother decided it be best to cash in as well.
So the next day, the priest saw the mother up on the tree and called down to her and said, "Here, child, take this." And handed her $3. The mother said "$3? Whats this for?" The priest replied, "It's for a razor."
A boy meets a girl outside a school:
The boy says to the girl: "I bet you 10$ you can't climb up half this flag pole!". The girl replied: "Sure I can!", and so she did and received her money. The girl got home and her father asked where she got the money. She explained and he told her that the boy had just wanted to see her underwear. The next day she meets the same boy at the flag pole. "I bet you 20$ you can't climb up the whole pole and touch the top!". The girl took the bet, touched the top and received her money. The boy Walked away with a huge smile on his face. When the girl got home her father saw that she was holding even more money today than she did the day before: "Did you let that boy trick you again?" he asked. "I most certainly did not! I was the one that tricked him actually!". "And how did you do that?" her father replied. "Well, today I wasn't wearing any underwear!
A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."
A girl and a boy are at recess one day...
Boy : I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb the flagpole
Girl : Ok! (climbs the flagpole)
(Later that day)
Girl : Mommy, mom! A boy payed me money to climb a flagpole!
Mother : (chuckles) He just wants to see your underwear.
-NEXT DAY-
Boy : I'll pay you TWENTY bucks to climb the flagpole.
Girl : Alright! (climbs the flagpole)
-Later that day-
Girl : Mom, the same boy payed me twenty bucks to climb the flagpole; but I tricked him this time, and I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom : .........
My Mommy, the Dancer
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, So when the teacher gently prodded him about his mother, He replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes in front of men, and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, "Is that really true about your mother, dear?"
Nope," the boy said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that In front of the other kids."
I got caught sniffing underwear...
I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,
What made it worse was she was still wearing them,
Made the rest of her f**... really awkward.
Christmas Day accident
Grandpa woke up unusually early yesterday to celebrate Christmas with the family. He was half asleep still when went to the restroom to brush his teeth. In the early morning brain fog, he accidentally got his Polident mixed up with his Preparation H.
His gums aren't itching, but now, he can't get his underwear off!
John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.
Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princess whole night. The day after, John refused to split the profits with Paul. So Paul put itching powder in the King's underwear. The King then called for John to heal him of his extremely itchy bottom. You know what happened.
Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! ...Next Day... (Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
A girl walks out of a bar...
She's approached by two guys. They tell her to climb a tree, and they'll give her $5. She does it, then goes home to tell her roommate. Her roommate says "They only did it to see your underwear." The next day, the girl goes to the same bar. Again, the two guys ask her to climb the tree for $5. AGAIN, she does it. She goes home to show her roommate the 5$. Unimpressed the roommate says "they tricked you again!?." The girl says "NO, I tricked them, I wasn't wearing any underwear!"
Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:...
A young girl comes home one day
And runs straight to her mum
"mummy look! A boy gave me $20 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"
The mum replied
"honey, he's just doing that so he can see your underwear. Don't fall for their tricks!"
The next day the girl comes home with $50
"mummy look! The same boy gave me $50 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"
The mum replied
"didn't i tell you not to! He's just doing that to see your underwear!"
The girl responded
"don't worry mum, i took my underwear off this time"
I have a good friend who was born with 5 p**...
One day he went to the doctor for a check up. The doc said Well, you're still in perfect health but let me ask you, how in the world does your underwear fit?
Like a glove.
Good news and bad news
A company of soldiers have been trudging through tropical jungle for three sweaty, dirty days, on a forced march.
The Captain calls his men to fall in, and says 'I've got some good news and some bad news to tell you.
The good news is, you are all getting a change of underwear.'
'What's the bad news, sir?'
'You have to change with each other.'
Mother is shocked when her daughter comes back from school with five dollars worth of quarters.
Daughter: the boys at school kept dropping these quarters in front of me and I kept picking them up.
Mother: no honey, don't. The boys at school are probably looking at your underwear when you reach down for the quarters....
So the daughter goes back to school the next day comes back home again with ten dollars in quarters.
Mother: Honey. What did I tell you...? Were you picking up quarters again?
Daughter: it's ok mommy. I fooled them because I didn't wear any underwear under my skirt today.
So i went to have a prostate exam the other day
The doctor told me to take my underwear and trousers off, but i had a Complete mindblank moment and said "Where should i put them?"
He looked at me with reassuring eyes and replied "Just pop them next to mine".
I wish all doctors were this considerate.
I pulled a lil sneaky on ya
A boy and a girl are standing by a flagpole. The boy asks the girl to climb up the pole, and take the flag down. She does so, and then gives the flag to the boy. The girl goes home later that day, and tells her mother what happened. Her mother responds with: "Oh, dear, that boy was just trying to look at your underwear."
The girl and boy are in the same situation the next day, and the same thing happens. The girl goes home, and tells her mother what happened. The mother responds the same way, but then the girl says: "No, it's okay mom. Today, I didn't wear any underwear."
You know that common nightmare about going to school in just your underwear, and how everybody laughs and ridicules you for looking s**.... Well I just lived it, for real.
s**... vague-a**... pajamas day.
A man visits a doctor one day.
Man- Doctor,it hurts when i put one leg up, then put it down, then put the other leg up and then put that leg down.
Doctor-Have you tried not doing that?
Man- So i shouldnt try wearing an underwear then?
Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
A woman was sick and tired of hearing her husband f**... all night long and repeatedly told him that he'd s**... his guts out one day.
He kept doing it, so she bought an entire sack of pigs intestines from the butcher and put them in the man's underwear when he was asleep. When she awoke the next morning, he said, "You were right honey, I DID s**... my guts out! But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I was able to push them back in!"
People don't know how lucky they have it these days...
When I was younger and wanted to look at s**... pictures, I had to sneak the Sears catalogue into my bedroom to look at the underwear and swimsuit pages.
But nowadays... anyone can hop on any smart device and just go directly to sears dot com
Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one
It's 10 pm and a rich businessman, Mr. Bestetti, is working at his home office when his wife enters the room shouting: "I have talked with our priest, he told me everything! You cheat on me by going to the s**...! I am going to go to the lawyer and get a divorce, and you'll give me half of everything, even of our offshore secret bank account!"
To this the husband replies: "No, darling. I actually only go to the club when I have worked for long hours with a foreign businessman. At the end of the day he is tired, doesn't know what to do, so I accompany him and leave him there."
The wife doesn't seem convinced, so she asks to go to the s**... with her husband and check. The husband reluctantly agrees.
At the entrance, the bouncer greets them: "Good evening Mr. Bestetti!" The husband quickly explains to his wife: "This bouncer is actually the brother of one of my employees, I found him this job, that's why he knows me and greets me so kindly."
In the hall, a waitress also greets them and says: "I will give you your favourite table, Mr Bestetti, right in front of the stage." The wife starts shouting, but Mr Bestetti silences her: "I am a very important businessman. The waitress is just showing me respect and giving me a special table."
Inside, another waitress approaches them, brings a cigar to Mr Bestetti and says: "Here's your favourite cigar, Mr Bestetti." The wife is getting quite angry, but he immediately clarifies: "She also works at the tobacconist near my office during the day, that's why she knows which cigars I prefer."
Meanwhile, a group of girls is dancing and on the stage. At the end, the nicest girl remains on her own on the stage and starts removing all of her clothes. At the end she gets her underwear off, holds it up and asks the audience: "To whom shall I gif them?" To which the audience responds in a chorus: "To Mr Bestetti!"
The wife gets mad and starts shouting to her husband. "Cheater! b**...! You were lying to me all along!" she says, before storming out of the building and jumping in a taxi.
Mr Bestetti follows her quickly and manages to enter the same taxi, but she keeps screaming and also repeatedly hitting him with her purse.
After a while, the taxi driver turns back and says: "Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one!
