Underwater Jokes

126 underwater jokes and hilarious underwater puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about underwater that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy a dive into a deep sea of laughter! From Atlantean puns to jokes about turtles and anemones, these underwater jokes are sure to make a splash! Perfect for a day at the beach or a deep dive into the ocean, these funny jokes about underwater life are sure to tickle your funny bone.

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Funniest Underwater Short Jokes

Short underwater jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The underwater humour may include short under the sea jokes also.

  1. SCUBA is an acronym for "Self contained underwater breathing apparatus". Tuba is also an acronym. It stands for "terrible underwater breathing apparatus"
  2. AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
  3. When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation... Almost died in Finding Nemo
  4. I have a pen that can write underwater. Friend: Wow really?!
    Me: Yep. It can write other words, too.
  5. What do you call a dog that is underwater? A sub-woofer!
    Thank you, I'll be here all day.
  6. I like to hold my breath whenever a character goes underwater in a movie. That way I know if I'd survive if I were that character. I was rushed to the E.R after Finding Nemo
  7. Most people know 'SCUBA' is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know 'TUBA' is also an acronym? Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
  8. TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia... Oops...wrong sub
  9. I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was... It wrote thousands of other words!
  10. S.C.U.B.A.: Self contained underwater breating apparatus.
    Terrible underwater breathing apparatus.

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Underwater One Liners

Which underwater one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with underwater? I can suggest the ones about submerged and submarine.

  1. What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time? A subwoofer
  2. I like my women like I like my tea. In a bag, underwater.
  3. The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle Oops, wrong sub
  4. My new pen is amazing. It writes UNDERWATER. Among other words.
  5. I like people like I like my tea. In a bag....underwater
  6. My new pen is awesome. It writes underwater. It writes other words too.
  7. What do you call an underwater group of canines? Sub-woofers.
  8. What's fast and can breathe underwater? Not a toddler, I can tell you that
  9. tifu by getting inside someone else's underwater vessel Whoops, wrong sub
  10. I've got a pen that can write underwater... It can write other words too.
  11. My GPA is underwater I Guess you could say it's below C-level
  12. What do you call an underwater dog? A subwoofer.
  13. It is a myth that you cannot breathe underwater You can breathe out, just not in.
  14. An iguana can stay underwater for up to 28 minutes Or longer, if you don't mind it dying
  15. What's the head of the underwater mafia called? The Codfather.

Breath Underwater Jokes

Here is a list of funny breath underwater jokes and even better breath underwater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym... For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
  • Do you know what SCUBA stands for? Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
    Do you know what TUBA stands for?
    Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
  • Scuba is an acronym Scuba stands for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. But tuba is also an acronym. It stands for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
  • I asked my brother how long he could hold his breath underwater for. I'm amazed. It's been three hours and he's still going.
  • Whenever I see an underwater scene in a movie, I hold my breath Almost died in Finding Nemo
  • I'm sitting in an igloo… Guess I'm breathing underwater!
  • I tried and failed to make an underwater breathing machine in Minecraft. I just conduit.
  • Sometimes whenever I watch an underwater scene in a movie I try to hold my breath as long as the characters do to see if I'd survive in that situation. I almost died watching Finding Nemo.
  • My friend held a bottle of water above his head, started counting and breathing heavily I asked him what he was doing and he said "practising breathing underwater"
  • You hear about the Egyptian who insisted that he could breath underwater? He was forever in De-Nile

Underwater Sea Jokes

Here is a list of funny underwater sea jokes and even better underwater sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Rising sea levels have lowered the value of my home. Now my mortgage is underwater.
  • Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No one, they don't grow underwater and don't act as houses.
  • Q: How can you get high underwater?
    A: Sea w**...

Underwater Animal Jokes

Here is a list of funny underwater animal jokes and even better underwater animal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
    A seahorse.
  • What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
Underwater joke

Hilarious Underwater Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about underwater you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aquatic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make underwater pranks.

When characters in the movies go underwater, I like to hold my breath to see how long I can last. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

Sir, I don't think we need the Panama Canal anymore....

Why's that?
Show's all of Central America underwater, including Mexico
See? I told you we need that wall!

Little known fact: after their supposed death, Pierre and Marie Curie went on to become successful underwater assassins using a certain heavy metal.

Hundreds of people died of mer-Curie poisoning.

My dad's take on 35 years of marriage.

Me: "Mom and Dad, how does it feel to have been married for 35 years?"
Dad: "Well, it only seems like it's been 5 minutes..."
Mom: "Awww!"
Dad: "...Underwater."

What do you call an underwater h**...?

A blowfish!

Did you hear about the small portion of society that decided they were going to live in mobile underwater homes

I think they call themselves a "sub" culture.

Why couldn't Spongebob get a mortgage?

Because his house was underwater.

God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...

... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!

The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...

flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest

At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus f**... underwater!"

What do you call h**... underwater?


While having an all-out war with underwater warships, I accidentally hit one of my teammates.

Oops wrong sub.

What do you call it when an underwater explorer gets bitten by a bloodsucking parasite?


What do you call an underwater ride sharing service?


During movies when characters go underwater, I hold my breath and see if I could've survived that situation...

I almost died in _Finding Nemo_

Why do blonds have schools underwater.

Because deep down, they're not so s**....

What do you call a horse that has very good vision underwater?

A seehorse.

A french, an english and a german general are talking about submarine technology

The French general tells them their submarines can stay underwater for three days.
The British says theirs can stay submerged for 180 days
Suddenly a submarine comes up. A man comes out and shouts: "SIEG HEIL. Wir brauchen Sprit!"

What do you call an underwater dog?

Scuba Doo

A math teacher invented something.

A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer.
He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'

Why did Samsung make the Galaxy Note 7 waterproof?

It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

Who is the best underwater Transformer?

Octopus Prime!

I give frequent lectures about informative and interesting topics underwater.

For academic porpoises.

How do you check the intonation of a guitar underwater?

With a tuna.

What do you call a guy with 4 p**... who can breathe underwater?


Who was the first underwater spy?

James Pond.

I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty.

man Christianity has some weird traditions.

What do you call an underwater adventure with a Great Dane?


I play guitar underwater

To drown my solos.

Underwater Test Scores

Father: How were your test scores, son?
Son: Underwater, Dad.
Father: What do you mean underwater?
Son: You know, below C level.

What do you call an underwater taxi?

A scuber

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half n**..., singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"
But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

My parents are celebrating 27 years of marriage

I asked my dad how it felt, and he replied "It's felt like five minutes.... underwater"

Houston, Texas, is six feet underwater

Unlike Whitney Houston, who is six feet underground.

Church in Florida is underwater.

With mass underwater they can get volume. Then solve for their density and realize they should have gotten out of Florida.

I got a job interview as an under-water welder..

Interviewer: so how would you describe yourself?
Me : well I'd say i work well under pressure

What do you call an actor that is underwater?

Keanu Reefs

Did you know, it took 2 hours and 40 minutes for the Titantic to submerge underwater?

Let that sink in.

Did you hear about the country singer who drowned?

Carrie Underwater

Two stingy people make a bet on...

... who would last longer with their head underwater.
Their bodies have been found by the caretaker.

If The Godfather was based underwater

Don Corleone would have been played by Marlin Brando

World Leaders

President Macron, Theresa May and Angela Merkel meet for a summit at the North Sea.
Gazing over the water, May says, "We have a submarine that can stay underwater for 10 days."  Macron responds, "That's nothing, our submarines can stay underwater for 30 days!"  Merkel looks quite ashamed and shies away, when suddenly a U-Boot surfaces, the hatch opens and the commander looks out: "Heil h**..., we need Diesel!"

What do you smoke underwater?


Why did the student look underwater for square and cube numbers?

They're indices

What do fish smoke?

underwater cigarettes

Did you guys hear about this new pen? You can write UNDERWATER!

You can write other words with it too

What do you call a dog underwater?

A s**... diver
*My seven year old asked me to post this here.

Underwater Birth

My wife and I decided to have an underwater child birth. The Dr. said birth in a pool would be less traumatic for the baby.
In hindsight, I don't think we would do it again. It seemed very chaotic as everyone was screaming, pushing, and splashing water as they tried to get out of the pool.

The Dutch should be grateful for l**...

Without d**... half of their country would be underwater

Underwater joke, The Dutch should be grateful for l**...

jokes about underwater