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Undertaker Jokes

53 undertaker jokes and hilarious undertaker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about undertaker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your friends laugh out loud with these hilarious undertaker jokes. From jokes about funeral directors to stories about the deceased, these jokes will have you in stitches. So laugh your last laugh and find out what it’s like to enter a crematonium or to see a tombstone. Have fun and enjoy the dark humor of these undertaker jokes.

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Funniest Undertaker Short Jokes

Short undertaker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The undertaker humour may include short wrestler jokes also.

  1. A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towel read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
  2. Did you hear that the World Hokey Pokey Champion has died? At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started...
  3. The mourners looked on aghast as the coffin toppled out of the car. "We'll have to rehearse that", said the undertaker.
  4. What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker? They both take away the coffin.
  5. I thought about opening up a cemetery... but it seems like it would be a large undertaking.
  6. I think my wife is cheating on me with an undertaker. I could swear she was wearing clothes when she died.
  7. Figured this is an appropriate time to tell this. What is an Undertaker's favorite element? Barium.
  8. My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I'm an undertaker.
  9. If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would the inscriptions on their bath towels say? Hisss and Hearse
  10. A man asks an undertaker "how many bodies are buried in this cemetery"? He replies with "All of them."

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Undertaker One Liners

Which undertaker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with undertaker? I can suggest the ones about professional wrestler and wrestling match.

  1. Ever heard of the undertaker who accidentally dug another body? He made a grave mistake.
  2. If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would their towels say? Hiss and hearse
  3. I met a man today that will be the last person to let me down He is an undertaker
  4. You know what they say about driving a hearse.. It's quite the undertaking.
  5. An undertaker is your best friend. He's the last one to let you down.
  6. What did the undertaker say to the naturopathic doctor? Thanks for your patients.
  7. What is an undertaker's favourite condiment? Gravy.
  8. What's an undertaker's favorite element? Barium!
  9. Why are grave diggers such lousy drivers? Because they are always undertaking
  10. I'm applying for an apprenticeship as an undertaker. I can't wait to urn while I learn.
  11. No parent should ever have to bury their child... That's what the undertaker's for.
  12. How does an undertaker greet his clients? "Good mourning!"
  13. Did you hear about the popular undertaker? People are dying to meet him
  14. Have you heard about the new band the undertakers? People are just dying to meet them
  15. Who's a traffic wardens least favorite wrestling champion? ~~The Undertaker~~ JOHN CENA!

Undertaker joke, Who's a traffic wardens least favorite wrestling champion?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about undertaker can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of undertaker puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Undertaker Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about undertaker you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean tombstone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make undertaker prank.

Can't take that chance

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take
that chance."

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"

An attorney called the governor just after midnight,...

...insisting that he talk to him urgently. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Jones has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

An undertaker says to a bereaved husband

'When did you realise your wife was dead?'
'Well,' he replies, 'the s**... was the same but
the dishes just kept piling up...'
from Internet.

A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the holy land, for $150.
The man thought about it, and finally decided he would have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when you can have her burried here for so much less?"
The man replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was burried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem

One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'

An undertaker comes home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge e**... .Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big n**... guy lying on the bed with this huge e**....So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."

Why did the alcoholic undertaker go bankrupt?

He spent all his money on biers and preaches.

I've just got back from an undertakers convention and the main topic was new ways of disposing of the dead.

There was a lot of thinking outside of the box.

What's the motto of an undertaker who is a r**... and a necrophiliac?

You r**... what you sew

An American man visits the Holy Land...

An American man visits the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Sadly the mother-in-law died. When seeing the local Israeli undertaker, it was explained that they could ship the body home for $5,000. But if they buried her locally it would cost only $150. The man said to the undertaker "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asked "Are you sure? It's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The man replied "look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."

So

Just before the f**... services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband? Ninety-eight, she replied. Two years older than I am.
So you're ninety-six, the undertaker said.
She responded, Hardly worth going home, is it?

Australia should hire WWE wrestlers to enforce sentencing on convicted s**... offenders.

That way we can have Undertaker and Mankind throw Pell in a cell.

More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

A woman married four times: to a tycoon, an actor, a preacher, and an undertaker.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Hollywood marriages

TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?
Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!

(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)

Never ask an undertaker for something to get you out of a jam in a hurry.

They always give you the last thing you need.

Some people think that being a mortician or undertaker is g**..., but

Selling fruit and veg is Grocer.

Why do certain people become accountants?

They don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Archibald Strange was an honest lawyer (no, that isn't the joke)

He was getting old, so he went to the undertaker to plan what his grave would be.
"I want it to say 'Here lies Archibald Strange, a lawyer and an honest man,'" he said.
"I can't do that," replied the undertaker, "People would think I was burying multiple people in the same grave. I'll tell you what. It can say 'Here lies an honest lawyer.'"
"But then they won't know it's me."
"Of course they will. People will read it and say 'That's strange.'"

Drink

A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober.
He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!"
The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!"

John gets a call from the undertaker who says...

"About your mother-in-law, should we embalm her, cremate her, or bury her?" John replied, "Do all three. Don't take any chances."

First day as an undertaker

A brand new undertaker walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was the first day on the job?" the bartender asks. "Not good. Had my first f**... today and I managed to drop the casket as I was loading it into the car," the undertaker says. "Luckily my boss was understanding. He told me I just need to rehearse it."

Undertaker joke, If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would the inscriptions on their bath towels say?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these undertaker jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.