understood Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious understood stories

What are the best understood puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Understood? Well here is a complete list of the top understood jokes:

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

​

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I never understood school shooting jokes

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is a dilemma?

Two men are having a drink in a bar. One says: "You know, I've never really understood what a dilemma is..."

"Let me tell you a story," says the other man, "Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have sex with you, and to your right is a very horny gay man."

"So where's the dilemma?" replies the first man.

"To whom do you turn your back?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Help me figure out a knock knock joke that's had me stumped for 20 years

When I was a kid my sisters and I ordered a book of knock knock jokes from the book club at school. I remember reading them to everyone who came by the house but there was one that I never understood. No one in my life has ever had a logical explanation for it and I have never forgotten it:

Knock Knock.

Who's there? Darth Vader.

Darth Vader who?

Darth Vader Cookie Crumble.

__

WTF?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I have never understood why people abbreviate July as Jul.

i mean seriously y?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?

Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages.

Please tell us what languages they are in.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.

"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"

The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."

Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."

Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."

Every student is shocked and confused.

"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Bubba n' Buford IV

Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but not in east Texas. Buford with a puzzled look on his face responded "ID 'bout what?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call someone who is misunderstood that ends up getting married?

Mrs. Understood

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did the thunder say when it understood the joke?

I feel so enlightninged!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My 5 year old niece told me this, I don't think she understood it though...

Why did the baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I love how grown up my little child is these days...

... he completely understood & obeyed when I quietly whispered "Go tell mommy you need to have your diaper changed".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY MY FATHER MOLESTED ME

But it all started making sense...when MY son turned eight.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

You know, I never understood why calling someone a pussy was an insult.

I mean, you are what you eat.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Where is Jesus?

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students
might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas
season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that
the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he
asked his class, Where is Jesus today?

Steven raised his hand and said, He's in heaven.

Mary was called on and answered, He's in my heart.

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, I know! I know! He's
in our bathroom!!!

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a
response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on
the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The difference between Napoleon and I...

is Napoleon understood the importance of 5 minutes. That's my dream.

In reality, I'd masturbate if I could get away with it

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Who knows where Jesus is?

A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A young teacher is teaching vocabulary to her first grade class.

She draws an apple on the blackboard and asks, "can anyone tell me what this is?"

"That's an ass." says a student in the back.

"No..."

"That's definitely an ass." says another student.

After a few similar exchanges the frustrated teacher starts to cry.

The principal walks by the classroom and notices the sobbing teacher, walks in, and immediately understood what was going on.

"You rascals!" he yells, "I want whoever drew this ass on the board to come forward this INSTANT!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A magician worked on a cruise ship...

The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it... the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days... and then 3 days… Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said......

"OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Round-up of the top ten one-liner jokes at this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The first one will only be understood by Britons, but there are good ones after that.

1. Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

2. Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

3. Alfie Moore - "I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same."

4. Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'."

5. Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."

6. Phil Wang - "The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men."

7. Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost."

8. Liam Williams - "The universe implodes. No matter."

9. Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance."

10. Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

πŸ‘πŸΌ

True story.

When I was little, a lot of my friends had imaginary friends. I never understood the whole imaginary friend thing. Whenever they would talk about them, I didn't want to feel left out, so I would say, "yeah, I've got an imaginary friend named James!" But what I did not tell them is that my imaginary friend James, was imaginary.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A joke from my English teacher.

"I'm afraid we'll have to adjourn this case, I have written out my judgment but left at my cottage in Devon." The helpful Barrister suggested, "fax it up my lord," his Lordship replied "Yes, it does rather."

Out of a class of 12 people, I was the only one who understood, hope you people enjoy it.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best understood jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 27 puns about understood. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty understood gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these understood jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

Can I save Understood jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Thumbs up your favorite jokes so we can rank them by how many likes every joke has. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Understood joke? You are free to share every Understood joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

JokoJokes