Understood Jokes
137 understood jokes and hilarious understood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about understood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Understood Short Jokes
Short understood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The understood humour may include short understand jokes also.
- In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.
- English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
- Never understood the point of black friday Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month
- Some say English is tough... Some say English is tough, it can be understood through thorough thought though.
- My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"
- I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay
- "Mom, I'm dating a man" "Who, sweetheart?"
"The mailman"
"The mailman? But he could be your father!"
"Mom, age is just a number"
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood" - My lesbian friend gave a me a Rolex for my birthday. I don't think she understood when I said: "I wanna watch."
- I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster... ... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.
- Mom, I'm dating a man. Who is it, honey?"
"James the postman."
"James the postman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Honey, I don't think you understood.
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Understood One Liners
Which understood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with understood? I can suggest the ones about comprehend and appreciated.
- I never understood school shooting jokes I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
- English is weird.. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
- I have never understood why living in the poor part of town... ...makes your skin darker.
- I've never understood the idea of invisible planes. I just can't see them taking off.
- I have never understood why people abbreviate July as Jul. i mean seriously y?
- I've never understood why new pencils come unsharpened... Seems pretty pointless to me.
- It didn't take long for my son to learn about lizards. He understood from the ge-cko
- I thought I understood the meaning of when pigs fly, But then the swine flew.
- I've never understood averages. Is that normal?
- Dad's joke: What kind of bee can never be understood? A mumble-bee
- I never understood how glass worked But it's clear to me now.
- Most people think Ares was evil and violent... ...really, he was just myth-understood.
- I never understood why vets... aren't called dogtors.
- As kids we loved the heroes, As adults we understood the villains.
- I never understood fog machines. They mystify me to this day.
Delightful Fun Understood Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about understood you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean easy to understand jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make understood pranks.
Yesterday my girlfriend and I got in a fight when she said I was man-splaining.
But I think she just miss-understood
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
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I've never understood how the n**... couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding
I've been to Amsterdam... There are sign pointing to her house everywhere.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
Who knows where Jesus is?
A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
I love how grown up my little child is these days...
... he completely understood & obeyed when I quietly whispered "Go tell mommy you need to have your diaper changed".
A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.
"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"
The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."
Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."
Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."
Every student is shocked and confused.
"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".
Bubba n' Buford IV
Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but not in east Texas. Buford with a puzzled look on his face responded "ID 'bout what?"
What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?
Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages.
Please tell us what languages they are in.
I fondly remember my dad telling me this one, but i never understood it until recently.
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
I've never understood people who don't drink because it's "bad for you"
Honestly, I think they should lighten up and liver little.
My doctor said I need to eat more Taco Bell
He actually said I was constipated, but I understood what he meant.
My lesbian friends got me a Rolex for Christmas
I don't think they understood when I said 'I wanna watch'
Threesomes
I never understood the obsession with threesomes , if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I would have lunch with my parents.
I asked a frenchman what his favorite game console was
I don't think he understood me though, he just replied "oui".
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
An ambitious Chinese man named Hoo Ming wanted to run for president. He understood the problems that Americans faced every day and so he wanted to show everyone he planned to solve it by making it his slogan...
Hoo Cares!
I once saw an Arab on a flight....
I was kinda shocked when I saw him and looked on him with suspicion. Then he understood what I was thinking and approaching me, he said, "Not all Muslims are terrorists" and we laughed so hard that his grenades fell out of his pocket.
How do you ruin a joke?
By explaining it.
Because you know, jokes are supposed to be understood implicitly, without you having to say the reason behind why the punchline is funny.
I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense
All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie.
Never understood why my friends never asked for relationship advice from me.....
I've had over 9 successful marriages.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on my o**...
My dad told me this joke when I was 5, I finally understood it 19 years later. Hope it doesn't take you that long
A box from IKEA came to my door, sent from this tourist girl I've been on two dates with.
I don't think she understood when I said I wanted a one-night stand
No one understood my joke about the virus outbreak...
I guess you had to be there to get it.
Today is my birthday,
and my lesbian neighbors decided to gift me a Rolex. I don't think they quite understood when I said "I wanna watch".
A couple of men in prison were telling each other jokes
After telling them so many times to each other they started referring to them as numbers. Someone would shout "45!" and they'd all start laughing. One day a new inmate arrived. He never understood why they laughed everytime someone said a number, so he just laughed along. After a week or so he decided it was his turn to try, so he shouted "345!" and to his luck, everyone laughed like never before because they hadn't heard that one before.
Did you hear about the drunken idiot who flew into a black hole?
I don't think he understood the gravity of his situation.
I've finally understood the meaning of "politics"
It's derived from "poly", the Greek word for "many", and "tics", a blood s**... parasite.
In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically.
I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.
I've never understood giving flowers to someone on Valentine's Day.
"Here's a dying plant... because i love you?"
my brother just called me (11pm) with a joke so funny he was still laughing
**what is a bear without teeth?**
**answer: a gummy bear**
since he made it up all by himself, i informed him that i could no longer publicly claim him as my brother. he understood completely.
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
What's a pirate's favourite...
What's a pirate's favourite architectural feature?
An *arrr*ch.
What's a pirate's favourite place to play?
A p*arrr*k.
What's a pirate's favourite thing to do to women?
r**....
I never understood why society romanticises pirates.
I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar
After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.
I never understood what was so good about having a t**......
If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I could just go have dinner with my parents.
Did you hear about the hunter who got squashed by the dying elephant?
He finally understood the gravity of his actions.
A joke my Uncle told me that I never understood when I was a child.
Q: What does sinead O'Connor do after she finishes brushing her hair?
A: She pulls her pants up
I heard somebody making fun of bridge suicides the other day and I was a bit offended
I don't think they understood the gravity of the situation
I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.
And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us n**... to shoot again.
I never really understood the hype about having two cell phones
I guess you could say I'm a single celled organism
Asexual Reproduction.
I never really understood the appeal of asexual reproduction. But, You do you, I guess.
Why some of your hairs have turned white?
Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?"
Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white."
Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
Sure, English is a hard language to learn.
But it can definitely be understood through tough thorough thought though.
This new Rolex that the lesbian couple next door got me for Christmas is nice and all...
...but I don't think they understood what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".
Two men walk into a bar.
The first one says "I'll have some H2O"
The second one says "I'll have some H2O2"
The bartender brought out two glasses of water because he understood that the second guy meant too and not two.
When I bought a fixed gear bike last summer, people called me a hipster.
Commuting to work today in the snow, I finally understood why. I only liked riding my bike before it was cool.
I've never understood why people climb up mountains in the early hours of the day...
...and then it dawned on me...
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
I've never understood why homophobes would like clothes
they usually come out of the closet, and that's gay
Corporate Story
At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except o**....
The Boss asked him, 'Didn't you understand my joke?'
The guy replied, 'Oh I understood it, but I resigned this morning.'
I never understood why white people can't say the n-word
I mean we're the ones who invented it after all
My lesbian neighbors got me a rolex for my birthday
But I don't think they understood when I said I want to watch
"It's the little things in life that make you laugh"
I never understood that until I saw two midgets fighting in Wal-Mart.
My lesbian neighbours gifted me a Rolex today!
I don't think they understood when I said I wanna watch.
I have never understood why womwn love cats?
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I never understood the concept of lunch money
It doesn't taste any different than regular money.
I once told story about pregnancy that nobody understood except for my twin sister
It was our little inside joke
I never understood why soldiers hate digging latrines.
It's not a p**...-poor assignment.
I never understood why people pay an arm and a leg for anything
If anything, I would pay with just a leg. Because that has ma knee.
For the first time ever I understood what all the fuss was about 80s music
It was an Aha moment
I never understood why gay adoption is such a controversy.
Who would want to adopt a gay man anyway?
I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue.
I though they were the aqua-marines.
I never really understood what the "blue screen of death" meant
But when my self driving car had one the name started making a lot more sense
