Underneath Jokes
85 underneath jokes and hilarious underneath puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about underneath that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Underneath Short Jokes
Short underneath jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The underneath humour may include short beneath jokes also.
- William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath. They're going to be called Shatner Pants.
- Beer Belly Some guy looked at my beer belly in the bar last night and asked sarcastically "Is that Budweiser or Heineken?"
My response: "There's a tap underneath, taste it for yourself." - A tiger goes to the gym... ... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes.
When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on? - I was Christmas shopping the other day and I saw a brass band, with dribble underneath all of their instruments Turns out it was the Salivation Army
- I had to take my Model S in for service yesterday. I could hear loud roars coming from underneath the car. Tesla said it was normal and coming from the Li- Ion battery.
- What did the owner of the mining rig say to his workers after they blasted the rock and found gold underneath? Wow this really blew up! Thanks for the gold!
- This one's for the D&D players. A human, an elf and a dragonborn walk into a bar. The gnome and halfling walk underneath perfectly fine.
- There once was a mouse called Keith Who did circumcisions for free with his teeth;
He didn't do it for pleasure,
Excitement or leisure...
He did it for the cheese underneath. - After much debate, scientists are still to clarify what to call the underneath of an elephant. It's just a huge grey area.
- Why did the kid get in trouble for wearing a bed sheet ghost costume? He wore a pointy hat underneath.
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Underneath One Liners
Which underneath one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with underneath? I can suggest the ones about underground and underwater.
- What do you call a dog underneath another dog? A sub-woofer
- As a ginger person, I find tanning to be easy I just go sit underneath the full moon.
- What's black underneath and white on top? Society.
- What do you get when you sit underneath a cow? A pat on the head
- I like my women like I like my parking spaces Available, and underneath my car
- Why did the piece of chalk cross the road? There was treasure buried underneath.
- Underneath China it says "Made in Chuck Norris".
- They're now growing m**... underneath the ocean I guess they'll call it..."sea-w**..."!
Rib-Tickling Underneath Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about underneath you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean downstairs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make underneath pranks.
I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.
Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian.
Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"
He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"
The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.
The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"
Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother."
Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monastery Life
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him b**... his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the **R**!
We missed the **R**!
*We missed the* **R***!'*
His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEB**R**ATE !!!'
A young lady was walking through a field in Scotland...
...when she noticed a man passed out against a tree. Curious of what men wore underneath their kilts, she decided there was no better time to find out. She giggled softly, took her ribbon, and tied it at a strategic location.
The next morning the Scotsman woke up with a terrible hangover and needed to relieve himself. He stood up, lifted his kilt, and noticed a ribbon. He belted, "Laddie, I don't know what it was I was doing last night, but I'm sure glad to see you won a blue ribbon for it!"
The Sleeping Scotsman
A Scotsman decides one day he'd pass the time by walking the countryside. After a couple of hours, he comes to the top of a hill and sees a road down below him.
"I don't remember there being a road here. I must be more lost than I thought!"
Before trying to trek his way back home, however, he decides to take a rest under a nearby tree.
Meanwhile, a woman driving on the road below sees the sleeping Scotsman and asked herself life's biggest question: "*Do* the Scottish wear anything under their kilts?" Curiosity getting the better of her, she pulls her car over to the side of the road and sneaks her way up to the sleeping Scotsman. She carefully picks up the front of the Scotsman's kilt and sees, in fact, they do not wear anything underneath. Feeling embarrassed and guilty, the woman sees some nearby stakes in the ground with red and blue ribbons tied to the tops of them, being used as markers for a nearby construction site. The woman takes one of these ribbons and ties it snuggly to the Scotsman's wiener to signify that someone was there.
Later, the Scotsman awakes and feels a tug under his kilt. He lifts it up and sees a blue ribbon tied tight around his piece. Upon seeing this, the Scotsman shouts:
"I don't know where ye been or what ye did, but you won first prize!"
What is kitty?
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The tale of two gnats
So a gnat is on a vacation and he sees another gnat but he looked beat up with bruises all over his body. He walks over and asks him why he looks the way he does.
"Well," says the beat up gnat, "My living conditions are terrible. I live in this biker's mustache, and if holding on while he's riding faster than everyone else, it's the bar brawls that'll nearly do you in. This is the first time I've gotten a chance to think about it and I need to move."
The other gnat pats him on the back and exclaims, "Well you're in luck, because I know how you can upgrade big time. Do you see that airport over there? Go over there and slip underneath one of the flight attendant's dresses and nestle in their p**... hair. It's warm, it's safe, if you aren't itchy she won't get rid of you, *and* you still get to see the world."
Enlightened, the beat up gnat thanks him and flies straight over to the airport.
One year later, the gnat goes on vacation to the same spot and sees the same gnat from before, beat up as like he was the first time. He flies over and asks him what happened.
"Well," the beat up gnat starts, "I did just as you said, and by golly you were right. For the longest time I felt like I truly had a good home. Then one day, it was suddenly bright, I feel crushed, I heard lots of screaming, and the next thing I knew I was in some biker's mustache."
A penguin was driving along...
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room...
When she stumbles upon an s**... magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband.
"Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"
The husband eyes the magazine and ponders.
"...Well we can't s**... him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's black on top and white underneath?
r**....
•Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The f**...
A man wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath goes walking through the park. He sees two little old ladies sitting on a bench, so he goes over and opens his trench coat with a flourish, revealing everything underneath. One of the ladies has a s**..., the other couldn't reach.
My dog used to love me feeding him a few unwanted scraps as he hid underneath the table.
Eventually cost me my job at the abortion clinic though.
I was sitting in the pub the other day...
When this nice looking bird walks up, takes a look at my beer belly and asks, "Is that Carlsberg or Tetleys?"
I told her, "There is a tap underneath, help yourself."
Judging by the number of hats on the hanger...
...and the amount of shoes underneath, I am married to a three-headed spider.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Mouse
Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a c**.... His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"
On a noticeboard in a men's room at a sports club: There will be no gambling here.
Someone had scribbled underneath: Wanna bet?
How many people does it take to change a Clinton's lightbulb?
Two. One to stand on the desk and one to go underneath.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The scariest Halloween costume this year will be s**...' Kim Davis...
Glasses, Crystal Gayle wig, and an ugly blue jumper with nothing underneath.
A monkey is watching a couple underneath a tree...
'What magic!' He exclaims, 'The banana doesn't finish even after so many bites!'
What do you call a police officer that stays in bed all day underneath the blankets?
An undercover cop!
Saw a sign that said "Watch for Children"
Standing underneath was a rather suspicious looking man holding a watch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mama whale and Papa whale ...
... swim and look upon sailors coming towards them. The sailors are on small boats and have their spear in hand.
Papa whale says to mama whale:
-"They're hunting us, we should make bubbles and tip them over."
The mama whale agrees. They dive underneath the ships and blow so many bubbles that the ships capsize and the sailors fall into the water, but they still have their spears in their hands. Papa whale is still weary.
He says to mama whale:
-"We should eat them".
Mama whale says:
-"Listen, I agreed to the b**..., but I'm not swallowing s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's never EVER a good idea to f**... during a 69.
That's how they found me underneath their bed.
What did the pilot say to the Vietnamese mechanic underneath the plane? "
"You are the Nguyen beneath my wings"
"It's not who I am underneath...
... But it's what I do that defines me! " - Bruce Jenner
Oops... Wrong Bruce!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw graffiti in a bathroom that said: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I DID YOUR DAD!"
Underneath someone replied:
"Go home mom. You're drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man orders a drink..
**(Not sure if this has been posted here before. Had read it long before as a kid.)**
A man orders a drink but has to use the loo. To ensure nobody drinks his booze he places a note underneath the glass which reads "I spat in the drink".. He returns from the loo finding an another note for him.. "Me too!"
Which one doesn't belong: lobster, crab, shark or a Japanese man underneath a bus.
The shark. The other 3 are crustaceans.
What did the pirate say when he turned 81?
Nothing. He stood alone and sobbed uncontrollably, wishing that he could exchange all of his loot to get back the family and friends who all died long before him.
Unable to bear his sorrows for another lonely year, the old pirate kicked the stool out from underneath himself and smiled for the first time in years. He would see them again soon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which s**... position do you hate the most?
The one when I am on top, and nobody is underneath.
This is the Pig i was talking about.
A husband came home with a duck underneath his arm, and his wife greeted him at the door. The husband said "This is the Pig I was talking about." The wife was confused. Dear you are holding a duck. Which the husband replied that I wasnt talking to you.
The lady of the manor is out for a drive...
...and, in defiance of all probability and the manufacturer's promise, the Rolls-Royce grinds to a halt in the middle of nowhere. So the chauffeur gets out and, finding himself unable to call the RAC, decided he'd better see what he can do for himself.
After a while, milady gets out of the car and is standing around fretfully, wondering what she can do to help. So she goes over to the toolbox and calls out "I say! Do you need a screwdriver?"
And from underneath the car, the chauffeur answers, "Not now milady, I'm trying to fix the Roller."
3 witch fugitives were cornered by police
The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.
The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.
The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.
Astrology joke
I've got a cousin who was born with a rare condition that renders him speechless, deaf, blind, immobile, and unable to talk. He mostly lies in bed in a hospital, and we feed him through tubes. But underneath all that, you can totally tell he's got that typical wacky Capricorn sense of humor.
The Biggest Coward
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I invented a new burger today. I call it the "i**... alien"
It's got lettuce and tomato on top, with jalapeno peppers and hot sauce hiding underneath.
Served with a free side of ICE.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A donkey and his farmer were hauling some corn on an old road
when a wheel broke, cracking the road underneath. The township sued the farmer for road repairs, but a judge dismissed the case stating "it's not the a**...'s fault asphalt has faults"
Here's a riddle for you:
A teenage boy walks underneath his school and meets a ghost and his pet snake. There's your Riddle.
A man named Albert Smith once wrote in a hotel visitors book his initials A.S.
Somebody wrote underneath two-thirds the truth
If Michael Jackson saw his mom kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe...
...maybe that explains why he doesnt exist anymore after he told Joe Jackson.
A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"
"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"
Watch out for those St. Patrick's Day scammers
Just had a guy try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.
Obviously a sham rock.
I tucked my son into bed...
When I'm about to leave, he looked up at me and said, "Daddy, check for monsters under the bed." Amused, I look underneath for him and see him, another him, shaking under the bed, and he whispers: "Daddy, there's someone on my bed."
Then I grounded the twin because it's a bad joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was an old man from O'keefe
Who could pull back his f**... with his teeth.
It wasn't for pleasure,
He spent thus his leisure,
But to get at the cheese underneath.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tried to tranlate a joke
After bridge collapsed man decided to cross the river. While he cross something grabbed his b**... and voice came out from underneath plus two or minus two? Man had no idea what was going on and said plus two . After he passed he realized he has four b**... now. When he was coming back he thought if that b**... asks me again I will say minus two , and started crossing. That thing grabbed his b**... again and voice came out plus four or minus four? .
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents
Now his parents don't think he'll be very good. Halfway through the play a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Dont worry' Simon's dad whispers to his wife 'It's just a stage he's going through!'
Sad News At The Nestle Factory
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... highway patrol man
So this semi trucker got his truck stuck underneath an overpass. A few minutes later a highway patrol officer came up to him and said Did you get your truck stuck?
Without missing a beat the truck driver said
Nope I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas.
Monster under the bed
Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sleeping in my bed." Jim falls backwards from the shock and comes to a sence of relief when he realised that he had forgotten that he had twins.
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....
discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting on an automatic toilet when it malfunctioned and abruptly flushed underneath me…
Scared the s**... outta me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Moth Inspector
A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks around, and sees a big bulge in the curtains, and a pair of feet sticking out underneath. He whips the curtains open, and says, "Who the h**... are you?"
The man says, "I'm the moth inspector."
The husband says, "Moth inspector? Why are you n**...?"
The man looks down and says, "d**.... I'm too late."
Plumber Miscommunication
One day, a family started hearing loud talking coming from underneath the ground in their backyard. They figured maybe the plumber who did some work yesterday left a radio down there.
They sat and listened to the talking, then realized it was mostly about climate change and UFO's.
They called the plumber to ask about his missing radio.
Radio? I didn't bring a radio. Oh, I see the problem. I installed a skeptic tank instead of a septic tank.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw p**... in the Supermarket.
I noticed one of his shoelaces was undone, I said watch you don't trip over your laces p**....
p**... says "yeah it's the b**... instructions."
I said, "what instructions p**...?"
p**... says, "underneath the shoe, it says "Taiwan."
A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts
She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'
'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'
'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'
