Uncontrollably Jokes
53 uncontrollably jokes and hilarious uncontrollably puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about uncontrollably that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Uncontrollably Short Jokes
Short uncontrollably jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The uncontrollably humour may include short uncontrollable jokes also.
- I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
- The first time I asked a woman to sleep with me my hands were shaking and I was sweating uncontrollably I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before
- My Car spinning uncontrollably thru a crowd of people And My Korean friend screams "Hit the Blakes" & I'm like "I can't be that selective"
- There used to be no treatment for those uncontrollable urges as a kleptomaniac... ...nowadays, you can just take something for it.
- Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again. Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up.
- Was starting to get romantic with a woman last night As usual I began crying uncontrollably. After getting home it took forever to wash the pepper spray off.
- How to change the blinker fluid in your car or truck: STEP ONE: wear safety glasses! If you get any fluid in your eye, it will cause uncontrollable blinking until you wash it out.
- Two astronauts are floating aimlessly through space when one of them starts giggling uncontrollably. The other looks at him and says, "Do you understand the gravity of this situation?"
- A soap bar was trying to console another soap bar Soap1- *crying uncontrollably*
Soap2- Stop crying, I know you're acting
Soap1- it's the glycerin - My dyslexic friend sobbed uncontrollably as he confessed that he kept spelling his own name backwards I really do feel for Bob.
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Uncontrollably One Liners
Which uncontrollably one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with uncontrollably? I can suggest the ones about unpredictable and unforeseen.
- I slept like a baby last night I woke up every 2 hours and wept uncontrollably
- My Jewish family banned beans, Ever since my grandfather died of uncontrollable gas.
- Hey! What do they call a bear that has uncontrollable emotions? A Bipolar bear.
- I have an uncontrollable hatred for abbreviations! Ask me anything.
- What Gives Me Uncontrollable Gas? Auschwitz.
(I played this hand in CAH <3) - What do onions and people have in common? I weep uncontrollably when I cut them.
- Why was the Pillsbury dough boy laugh uncontrollably? because he was Baked.
- My wife left me *sobs uncontrollably*
- How many cats does it take to ease the pain of a broken heart? *uncontrollable sobbing*
- I know a woman with an uncontrollable s**... desire towards books. She's an infomaniac
- What gives you uncontrollable gas? n**...
- Girl, you're like p**...... You're toxic and fill me with uncontrollable rage.
- What happens when a p**... has an anxiety attack? He gets uncontrollable thots.
- Have you ever been camping with a guy who has uncontrollable diarrhea? s**...'s intense.
Charming Humor Uncontrollably Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about uncontrollably you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reckless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make uncontrollably pranks.
I saw a bloke sobbing uncontrollably at a graveside earlier today. "Why did you have to die, why did you have to die?" he cried, over and over again. I said, "I'm sorry to intrude, but was it someone very close?"
"No not really," he said. "It was the wife's first husband!"
Buying aspirin
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
It says......
Deep in the chambers of the monastery Father Seamus is transcribing scripture. As Father Ignatius walks by he sees Father Seamus sobbing uncontrollably. "Father Seamus! What ever could be troubling you so!!??!!" said Father Ignatius.
Father Seamus, wiping his tears, says: "It says CELEBRATE."
The Elusive Midget Nun
Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, walk up to the convent door. The big one nudges the little one and says, Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door.
The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question.
The little Eskimo timidly says, May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?
The Mother Superior answers, There are no midget nuns living here.
The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question.
The little Eskimo asks in a quavering voice, Well, are there any midget nuns in Alaska?
The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, I know most of the nuns in Alaska and I don't believe so.
With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. See, he says to the little Eskimo, I told you that you s**... a penguin!
A girl asks her father how she got her name
The man replies, "well, Daisy, when you were born a daisy pedal fell off the flower and onto your head, just as a rose pedal did with your sister, Rose." Then her younger sister came running in Laughing and screaming uncontrollable, to which the father shouted, "stop it Cinderblock!"
What do you call a pile of cats?
A MEOWTAIN.
Told this one at work after two weeks straight of 12+ hours days and laughed so hard I got sent home for the rest of the day to get sleep. To this day, every time I tell it I start giggling uncontrollably... Yep.
A man sees another man at a bar...
He had been sitting at a table for 15 minutes staring at his beer. He decides to walk over and take his beer. He c**... it all in one gulp, and the man at the table begins crying in uncontrollably. He begins to feel bad and says "don't worry, I'll buy you a new one". The man replies "you don't understand, I just caught my wife with my brother and I was going to poison myself... But now I have to buy more poison".
A husband and wife are setting up a password for their new computer.
The husband types in "mypenis" as a password. The wife starts laughing uncontrollably, because on the screen, the computer says "Error. Not long enough".
Why is divorce so expensive?
because it's worth it.
I'm going through a divorce right now and my dad just told me this joke. It's dumb but it made me laugh uncontrollably.
[LPT] When cleaning a messy room start with your bed, you will have a better sense of accomplishment when you eventually give up and s**... uncontrollably.
At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...
... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.
"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"
"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."
A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...
he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.
A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her
Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin.
"No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"
Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells:
"Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next."
What did the pirate say when he turned 81?
Nothing. He stood alone and sobbed uncontrollably, wishing that he could exchange all of his loot to get back the family and friends who all died long before him.
Unable to bear his sorrows for another lonely year, the old pirate kicked the stool out from underneath himself and smiled for the first time in years. He would see them again soon.
John Bolton and President Trump are meeting in the White House
Bolton reads off a report to Trump and says "Today, in the war on drugs we lost 2 Brazilian soldiers."
Donald breaks down crying, sobbing uncontrollably.
John Bolton cringes and says "There's no reason to be upset, this isn't a big deal."
Donald replies, "Wait, remind me... How many is a brazilian?"
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
John McCain, John Kerry, and Dnald Trump walk into a bar...
John McCain, John Kerry, and Dnald Trump walk into a bar. While there, Kerry tells a joke about Vietnam. As soon as he finishes, McCain and Kerry start laughing uncontrollably, but Trump remains silent.
After a minute, Trump says: "I don't think that was funny." To which McCain replies, "I guess you had to be there."
The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing e**....
I just wish it had been mine.
He: I have a f**......
She: An uncontrollable desire to return to the imperial measurement system??
An old woman hears a knock on her door and opens it to see a man standing there, hat in hand.
I'm terribly sorry but I ran over your cat with my car.
The old woman breaks down in tears and starts crying uncontrollably.
The man says I know it won't be the same but I'd really like to replace your cat.
The woman stops crying for a moment, looks up, and says I don't know........ how are you at catching mice?
Father calls little Johnny over to give him the birds and the bees talk...
Johnny starts crying uncontrollably the moment he says this.
"Whats wrong? I haven't even told you anything yet!" the surprised father asks.
Little Johnny tries to talk through the tears:
"Two years ago, you wanted to talk about Easter bunny, then told me he wasn't real...
Then last year you wanted to talk about Santa, and told me he isn't real either...
If now you tell me s**... isn't real, I have nothing left to live for!"
A woman wakes up on the morning of her wedding anniversary and her husband wasn't there.
It was 2.00am and she was concerned. She searched the house until finally she found him in the basement sobbing uncontrollably.
She tried to comfort him and asked, "honey, what's the matter? "
Between sobs he answers, "Do you remember when your dad the cop caught us, underage, making out in your room?
And he threatened that if I didnt marry you immediately he would make sure I got 20 years in jail?"
"Yeah, I remember," she answered.
He sobbed, "I would have gotten out of jail today...."
Basic Psychology
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
A blonde, a brunette and a red head were in a doctors office and they were all pregnant..
The brunette says, " I know I'm having a boy because I was on the bottom."
The redhead says "Then I must be having a girl because I was on the top!"
The blonde starts sobbing uncontrollably and the two other girls start comforting her asking what's wrong...
The blonde looks at them through her teary eyes and exclaims "I'm having puppies!!"
A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?"
His wife, crying uncontrollably answers, "Yes."
He asks, "Whose is it?"
His wife replies, "Yours!"
A short, but funny one
A 103 year old man lay dying in his hospital bed and asks his wife Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?
His wife crying uncontrollably answers Yes
He asks Whose is it?
His wife replies Yours
