The Best 50 Unconscious Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Unconscious jokes. There are some unconscious conscious jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these unconscious unaware puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Unconscious Jokes and Puns

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down an abandoned road... (somewhat offensive)

and they come across a little boy in the unconscious in the ditch. After thinking for a moment, the Priest says "let's screw him" to which the Rabbi replies "out of what?"

What do you call an unconscious computer programmer?

dfghjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

Unconscious joke, What do you call an unconscious computer programmer?

A very drunk man gets kicked out of a bar...

A very drunk man gets kicked out of a bar. He stumbles down the street and happens upon a nun walking the other direction.

Out of nowhere, he sucker punches her and knocks her to the ground. He continues to beat her up until she's unconscious.

He takes a step back, looks at her, and says, "Not so cocky now, are you batman?!"

On the day of Michael Jackson's death

The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing.

The rookie says to the veteran "What should we try first?"

"I reckon the roller coaster."


Which punchline do you like better? What do you call a nun that sleep-walks?

a) A Roamin' Catholic

b) An unconscious habit

Car Accident

Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car crash. The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.

"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.

The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"

Unconscious joke, Car Accident

A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed...

As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did this really needs help!"

What's the difference between Gwyneth Paltrow and Bill Cosby?

One has conscious uncouplings while the other has unconscious couplings.

i imagine having sex with bill cosby is alot like a Ronda rousey fight.

it's terrifying, some poor girl ends up being unconscious, and it only lasts about 30 seconds

Why did the woman leave her overweight husband unconscious in a burning building?

Because she couldn't stand him.

You can explore unconscious catatonic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean unconscious paramedic dad jokes. There are also unconscious puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma

When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.

Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.

Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?

Doctor: Denise

Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?

Doctor: ....Denephew

What do you call an unconscious foot?

Coma-toes!

(I made up this joke when I was 10.)

If Bill Cosby and Gwyneth Paltrow hooked up...

...it would be an unconscious coupling.

A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud)

One Jew says to another, Have you taken a bath?
The other replies: "No. Is one missing?"

From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Unconscious joke, Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar.

The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

A police officer sees a beaten up woman laying on the ground with a man standing over her.

The woman is unconscious and clearly was injured.

"What happened to her?" asked the cop.

"The clap," said the man.

"The clap doesn't do that to people," said the cop.

"Well," said the man, "it does when you give it to me."

Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin has a 'conscious uncoupling'

Meanwhile, Bill Cosby has an unconscious coupling.


Two social workers are passing by an alleyway...

They see a guy badly beaten up lying there unconscious.
One social worker says to the other, "My God - whoever did that really needs help."

I wish sex was like first aid...

..consent is implied if the person is unconscious

I found a poor old guy unconscious by the side of a road

At least I think he was poor because I only found 3$ on him

Irishman and the fire

Firemen receive a call that the local bar is on fire. They rush over to the local bar and sure enough, the whole bar is aflame.

They sweep into the burning bar to check for survivors and find a man face down on the floor. They pull him from the flames, soot-ridden and unconscious, they slap him awake.

"What happened! How did the fire start?!" they ask him.

"How should I know?" says the Irishman. "It was already on fire when I went in.."

I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor..

At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

What do you get when you add rohypnol to a goop™ wellness smoothie?

An unconscious coupling.

How to make every women you meet wet

Throw her into a lake , preferably unconscious

My friend told me one of her life goals is to have sex in every state...

I can help her with "unconscious"

A woman lost so much menstrual blood she ended up unconscious for several weeks in a hospital.

I hate it when I intend a period but end up with a coma.

Another blind man walks into a bar

He's been unconscious for an hour. Please send help

Next time i have a lucid dream, i plan looking down at myself unconscious

I'll see myself out

I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious today.

Well, I'm assuming she was poor because she had only a dollar in her purse.

Talk with God

God: you'll be alive for 70-80 years ideally

Man: great! I'll make the most of it!

God: you will be unconscious for 1/3 of your time alive

Man: uh...

God : *leans in* that'll be your favourite part

I saw this poor old man laying unconscious in his car earlier today.

I'm assuming he was poor, he only had $3 in his wallet.

What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both explored the unconscious.

An American pilot is flying a small plane across Australia.

He crashes in the Outback and is knocked unconscious. When he comes to, he's in a hospital with a nurse standing over him. Still groggy and pretty much out of it, he asks "Did you bring me here to die?" Nurse says "Nah, ya got here yesta die."

A guy walks into a bar..

And now he's unconscious on the ground

A double bass player

A double bass player gets a call for a gig. Says he has to meet everyone else at the docks at 9pm. He's there waiting when he gets bashed on the head and knocked unconscious.

He wakes up ducked taped to his bass, floating in the harbour. After his first panic fades he looks around and notices several other players also ducked taped to their basses, bobbing in the water.

After a pause he yells out "Hey, do we get fed on this gig?"

"We did last year!" one answers.

I once buggered a man unconscious.

I'm lying, he was already unconscious when I found him

Bill Cosby and a surgeon have a lot in common

For example, they both want the person that they are inside to be unconscious

Man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe

After a few hours the drunken pair get up to leave.

The giraffe stumbles and falls to the floor unconscious, the man walks on.

"Oi" shouts the bar man, "You can't just leave THAT lyin' there"

The man turns as says:

"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

I was trekking through the Brazilian rain forest with LL Cool J...

... when from out of nowhere a small creature lept from the trees and hit me straight in the face knocking me unconscious.

I woke a few moments later and asked LL what had happened. He said, "A Marmoset knocked you out"

I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today...

Well I'm guessing she was poor. She only had $1.00 in her purse.

A German and an Englishman are having a conversation in the park when suddenly a young girl falls into the lake.

They both rush in to save her, but when they emerge she's unconscious.

The Englishman asks the German if they know the number for emergency services.

999.

The Englishman replies, fine, I'll call them myself.

A gorgeous woman walked into a bar and a man started hitting on her.

The woman didn't like it so she told him to stop but he wouldn't stop - so she pulled out her taser on the guy.

Unconscious, the guy is pulled aside by the bartender, and the woman leaves. The man wakes up several minutes later, and the bartender asks him if he's okay.

The man replies, I'm not sure, but wasn't she a total stunner!

A car driver hits a low flying parrot

He takes the unconscious parrot, home and cares for it.
The next day it regains consciousness and finds himself in a cage. It gets surprised and says, " W-w-wait, jail? Did the car driver die?"

A limo driver is driving Gorbachev to a very important building

The limo driver suddenly passes out, Gorbachev decides to put the unconscious man in the back seats and drive instead




Once he reaches the gate, two security guards start whispering to each other




Guard 1: "Uh, who is the person in the back?"




Guard 2: "I don't know, but he must be very important, since Gorbachev is his driver"

The stormy seafarer

One stormy evening, a seafarer was thrown overboard whilst passing through the strait of Dover. As luck would have it, the ocean currents pulled him unconscious to the English coastline, where he was found and revived by a man adorned in a cape, deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe.

When coming to and looking up, bleary eyed at the great, chalky White cliffs before him. The man exclaimed "What on earth is that wonderful rock formation", and his saviour replied "why, it's sedimentary my dear flotsam".

An unhappy couple are driving on a snowy night when they get into an accident.

Both of them are hospitalized soon but the wife doesn't survive. The husband is unconscious for quite some time after the accident.

When he wakes up, the doctor gently tells him the truth.

He says, "Sir, we have a bad news."

The man tenses up. He replies, "What? Is it my wife? What happened to her?"

The doctor feels sad saying this, "Yes sir, it's about your wife. She uhhh..."

The man cuts him off and say, "Wait, you said it was a bad news, right? Oh God she survived didn't she?"

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the unconscious awake jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working unconscious ambulance piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes