Unconscious Jokes
63 unconscious jokes and hilarious unconscious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unconscious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the implications of unconscious jokes and their influence on our daily lives. Learn about how unconscious bias can be addressed in our conversations and interactions, from Gwyneth's story of community-building to the catatonic floor's example of workplace inclusivity.
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Funniest Unconscious Short Jokes
Short unconscious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unconscious humour may include short unaware jokes also.
- I was at the airport when I saw a guy fall unconscious on the baggage carousel. He came around slowly.
- I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious today. Well, I'm assuming she was poor because she had only a dollar in her purse.
- I saw a poor lady fall unconscious in the snow today Well I'm assuming she was poor,she only had $1 in her purse
- I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor.. At first I panicked, then remembered that mcdonalds does all day breakfast.
- A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe" - I found a poor old guy unconscious by the side of a road At least I think he was poor because I only found 3$ on him
- I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today... Well I'm guessing she was poor. She only had $1.00 in her purse.
- I saw this poor old man laying unconscious in his car earlier today. I'm assuming he was poor, he only had $3 in his wallet.
- Bill Cosby and a surgeon have a lot in common For example, they both want the person that they are inside to be unconscious
- What do you call a group of communist psychologists passed out drunk? A collective unconscious.
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Unconscious One Liners
Which unconscious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unconscious? I can suggest the ones about consciousness and unsuspecting.
- Yo Mama is so ugly If Bill Cosby found her unconscious he'd call the paramedics
- What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common? They both explored the unconscious.
- What do you call an unconscious foot? Coma-toes!
(I made up this joke when I was 10.) - Another blind man walks into a bar He's been unconscious for an hour. Please send help
- Biden was in 3 states today..... Confusion, unconsciousness, and disorientation
- How to make every women you meet wet Throw her into a lake , preferably unconscious
- If Bill Cosby and Gwyneth Paltrow hooked up... ...it would be an unconscious coupling.
- A guy walks into a bar.. And now he's unconscious on the ground
- If Kim Jong Un died... ...he should be called Kim Jong Un-conscious
- Whats Bill Cosby's favourite pudding flavour? Unconscious isn't a flavour...
- A man walks into a bar... ... now he is unconscious.
- A german walks into a bar unconscious
- I like my women like a surgeon likes his patients Drugged and Unconscious
- a man walks into a bar he falls to the floor unconscious.
oldy, but a goody. - I wish s**... was like first aid... ..consent is implied if the person is unconscious
Knocked Unconscious Jokes
Here is a list of funny knocked unconscious jokes and even better knocked unconscious puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had to knock a goose unconscious to collect his feathers for Dracula's pillow. Now he's down for the Count.
Hilarious Unconscious Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about unconscious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unborn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unconscious pranks.
So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)
...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."
The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."
Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."
This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that s**... when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down an abandoned road... (somewhat offensive)
and they come across a little boy in the unconscious in the ditch. After thinking for a moment, the Priest says "let's screw him" to which the Rabbi replies "out of what?"
What do you call an unconscious computer programmer?
dfghjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
A very drunk man gets kicked out of a bar...
A very drunk man gets kicked out of a bar. He stumbles down the street and happens upon a nun walking the other direction.
Out of nowhere, he s**... punches her and knocks her to the ground. He continues to beat her up until she's unconscious.
He takes a step back, looks at her, and says, "Not so c**... now, are you batman?!"
On the day of Michael Jackson's death
The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing.
The rookie says to the veteran "What should we try first?"
"I reckon the roller coaster."
Which punchline do you like better? What do you call a nun that sleep-walks?
a) A Roamin' Catholic
b) An unconscious habit
Car Accident
Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"
What's the difference between Gwyneth Paltrow and Bill Cosby?
One has conscious uncouplings while the other has unconscious couplings.
A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma
When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.
Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?
Doctor: ....Denephew
Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.
The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."
Happy St. Patricks Day. Where we honor a patron saint by drinking ourselves into unconsciousness.
Or as the Irish call it...breakfast.
Irishman and the fire
Firemen receive a call that the local bar is on fire. They rush over to the local bar and sure enough, the whole bar is aflame.
They sweep into the burning bar to check for survivors and find a man face down on the floor. They pull him from the flames, soot-ridden and unconscious, they slap him awake.
"What happened! How did the fire start?!" they ask him.
"How should I know?" says the Irishman. "It was already on fire when I went in.."
It was my first day at a new school.
When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.
My friend told me one of her life goals is to have s**... in every state...
I can help her with "unconscious"
A woman lost so much menstrual blood she ended up unconscious for several weeks in a hospital.
I hate it when I intend a period but end up with a coma.
Talk with God
God: you'll be alive for 70-80 years ideally
Man: great! I'll make the most of it!
God: you will be unconscious for 1/3 of your time alive
Man: uh...
God : *leans in* that'll be your favourite part
An American pilot is flying a small plane across Australia.
He crashes in the Outback and is knocked unconscious. When he comes to, he's in a hospital with a nurse standing over him. Still groggy and pretty much out of it, he asks "Did you bring me here to die?" Nurse says "Nah, ya got here yesta die."
A double bass player
A double bass player gets a call for a gig. Says he has to meet everyone else at the docks at 9pm. He's there waiting when he gets bashed on the head and knocked unconscious.
He wakes up ducked taped to his bass, floating in the harbour. After his first panic fades he looks around and notices several other players also ducked taped to their basses, bobbing in the water.
After a pause he yells out "Hey, do we get fed on this gig?"
"We did last year!" one answers.
I once b**... a man unconscious.
I'm lying, he was already unconscious when I found him
Man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe
After a few hours the drunken pair get up to leave.
The giraffe stumbles and falls to the floor unconscious, the man walks on.
"Oi" shouts the bar man, "You can't just leave THAT lyin' there"
The man turns as says:
"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
I was trekking through the Brazilian rain forest with LL Cool J...
... when from out of nowhere a small creature lept from the trees and hit me straight in the face knocking me unconscious.
I woke a few moments later and asked LL what had happened. He said, "A Marmoset knocked you out"
A German and an Englishman are having a conversation in the park when suddenly a young girl falls into the lake.
They both rush in to save her, but when they emerge she's unconscious.
The Englishman asks the German if they know the number for emergency services.
999.
The Englishman replies, fine, I'll call them myself.
A gorgeous woman walked into a bar and a man started hitting on her.
The woman didn't like it so she told him to stop but he wouldn't stop - so she pulled out her taser on the guy.
Unconscious, the guy is pulled aside by the bartender, and the woman leaves. The man wakes up several minutes later, and the bartender asks him if he's okay.
The man replies, I'm not sure, but wasn't she a total stunner!
A car driver hits a low flying parrot
He takes the unconscious parrot, home and cares for it.
The next day it regains consciousness and finds himself in a cage. It gets surprised and says, " W-w-wait, jail? Did the car driver die?"
A limo driver is driving Gorbachev to a very important building
The limo driver suddenly passes out, Gorbachev decides to put the unconscious man in the back seats and drive instead
Once he reaches the gate, two security guards start whispering to each other
Guard 1: "Uh, who is the person in the back?"
Guard 2: "I don't know, but he must be very important, since Gorbachev is his driver"
The stormy seafarer
One stormy evening, a seafarer was thrown overboard whilst passing through the strait of Dover. As luck would have it, the ocean currents pulled him unconscious to the English coastline, where he was found and revived by a man adorned in a cape, deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe.
When coming to and looking up, bleary eyed at the great, chalky White cliffs before him. The man exclaimed "What on earth is that wonderful rock formation", and his saviour replied "why, it's sedimentary my dear flotsam".
An unhappy couple are driving on a snowy night when they get into an accident.
Both of them are hospitalized soon but the wife doesn't survive. The husband is unconscious for quite some time after the accident.
When he wakes up, the doctor gently tells him the truth.
He says, "Sir, we have a bad news."
The man tenses up. He replies, "What? Is it my wife? What happened to her?"
The doctor feels sad saying this, "Yes sir, it's about your wife. She uhhh..."
The man cuts him off and say, "Wait, you said it was a bad news, right? Oh God she survived didn't she?"
A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
A Man gets shipwrecked
He washes up ashore on an Australian beach. Unconscious, he's taken to a hospital, and wakes up the next day. Upon waking up, he notices how filthy the hospital is. The conditions are really terrible.
A nurse comes to check on him. "This hospital is terrible! You brought Me Here To *Die*?" He exclaims angrily!
"Oh No! We actually brought you here Yester*die*!" The Nurse Replies
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