The Best 78 Uncomfortable Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Uncomfortable jokes. There are some uncomfortable distasteful jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these uncomfortable awkward puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Uncomfortable Jokes and Puns
Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating
Me: Why doc? Is there something wrong?
Doctor: It's making me really uncomfortable
A haggard old woman walks into a bar.
She's holding a paper bag. She climbs up on the bar and holds up the bag.
"Any of you guys guess what's in this bag gets some tail!"
There's an uncomfortable silence until a smartass in the back yells "Yeah! Is it an elephant?"
"Close enough, let's go."
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
It's uncomfortable talking about how i got my cat fixed last week...
But sometimes you gotta call a spayed a spayed
A pirate walks into a bar...
So a little pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pant and orders a drink. The bartender give him the drink but first asks, "Doesn't that steering wheel bother you? It looks uncomfortable."
The pirate replies "Argh!! Its driving me nuts!!"
A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....
During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
whats the most uncomfortable thing about a prostate exam?
When you ask the doctor where to put your pants and his reply is right next to mine.
I told my husband he really should stop masturbating.
"Why?", he asked
"Because you're making this dinner party REALLY uncomfortable for our guests."
My friend William joined the army
He is uncomfortable with the phrase "Fire at Will"
You can explore uncomfortable comfy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean uncomfortable vigorous dad jokes. There are also uncomfortable puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I got beat up at a black lives matter rally for complaining about my underwear
These knickers where just making me so uncomfortable
I saw a man the other day arguing with a traffic sign
The sign looked incredibly uncomfortable. It really wanted him to Stop.
I don't think I will ever find a stable job...
Because quite honestly I'm very uncomfortable around horses
The bra my boyfriend gave me is really uncomfortable.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.
People say that sex ed classes in America are uncomfortable. But I think that history classes in Germany are worse.
"Hey kids, you'll never guess what your grandparents did..."
Ginger's shoes must be real uncomfortable
because they don't have soles
"Doctor, I heard one can get AIDS in the public toilets! Is that true?!"
"Doctor, I heard one can get AIDS in the public toilets! Is that true?!"
"Yes, it is possible, but quite uncomfortable."
Little John fell in love with the teacher.
Little John is sitting in his bench and he is fondly looking at the teacher. It got little uncomfortable for her that he doesn't stop watching her so she said to him:
- John, why do you watch me all the time?
- Well, I love you - spoke John.
- But I do not love children - says his teacher.
- It's okay, we'll be careful.
I invited the girl I'm dating over for dinner.
While we were all sat at the table, there was complete silence. It made me feel very uncomfortable.
I said, "Why does it feel like there's an elephant in the room?"
"Because there is," said my dad, looking at the girl.
I was checking out at Tesco...
I was checking out at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one item on the conveyor belt... a box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring, but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact. So, to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup on and said, "Looks like we've both bought something to put on our sausages!".
I had my first prostate exam last week
It was the most uncomfortable thing that I've ever done in my life. It turned from bad to worse when I realized the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.
I guess I shouldn't have gone to a proctologist named Phil McCracken.
My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space...
It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
Things that make me feel uncomfortable
1. Incomplete Lists
2.
Shoelaces are like women.
If you do them too tight it's uncomfortable.
A woman visits the gynaecologist for the first time...
Her legs are up in the stirrups and she looks very uncomfortable. The doctor says, "You look nervous. Would you like me to numb you down there before the exam?"
She looks relieved and says "Yes, please."
So, the doctor puts his head between her legs and goes num, num, num.
I finally stood up to the woman who kept asking to give me a "blow job".
It was too uncomfortable when I was sitting down after all.
John: Doctor I heard you can get AIDS in the public toilets. Is this true?
Doctor: I mean... yeah, but it's uncomfortable.
I was planning on watching the fight on my TV tonight
But it was pretty uncomfortable, so I'll probably just watch it from my couch.
My girlfriend and I had sex in my car last night. Was pretty uncomfortable though...
... Maybe we should have dropped her parents off first.
I can't wait to get home and take my wife's panties off...
...this thing is really uncomfortable.
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Jewish Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers became uncomfortable.
" You, attorney John, gave me $ 50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $ 60,000."
The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $ 10,000, He handed it to attorney Sam and said...
"Now that I'm returning $ 10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.
A young couple is getting ready to have sex for the first time.
A young couple is getting ready to have sex for the first time. The boyfriend asked his girlfriend, "Have you ever ridden a horse?"
She said, "Yes, I have."
Satisfied, he responded with, "So this will be just like riding a horse."
Suddenly, the woman's face looked horrified.
Concerned, the man asked his girlfriend what was wrong.
Tearfully, she responded with, "So it will be bumpy and uncomfortable?"
There was a woman breastfeeding in the park.
Fascinated, I walked over and said, "I hope you don't mind me being curious, but what's it like?"
"Oh," she said, "it's a bit uncomfortable if I'm honest."
I said, "I was talking to the baby."
So there I was hard at work
Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable
My Doctor said I should stop masturbating....
His secretary was getting uncomfortable.
A father was decorating the Christmas tree with his son. The boy says:
"Dad can't we use tinsel like everyone else? This is really uncomfortable."
I can tell how uncomfortable a person is...
...just by hugging them for 18 minutes.
All day I have been looking forward to stripping off my wife's clothes
They are way too small for me to wear and it's uncomfortable
France
I bought uncomfortable hiking shoes in France, they were Toulouse
My wife said, "it looks uncomfortable growing all that facial hair under your nose..."
must ache
Little Mikey
A five-year-old Mikey asks his Grandpa, Grandpa, what do you call it when there are two people on top of each other in bed?
-
The Grandpa feels very uncomfortable but decides not to confuse the child and bravely says, That's intercourse, my boy.
-
OK, nods Mikey and off he goes.
-
He comes back after five minutes and says, Grandpa, that's not right. I've just spoken to mom and she said that it's not called intercourse but a bunk bed!
Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...
We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"
What's comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.....
A public toilet seat.
I heard that a crucifix is very uncomfortable
But I tried one, and it fit me to a t.
There were two whales at a bar.
The first whale says to the second (make whale noises until everyone is a little uncomfortable).
Then the second whale says back to the first (inhale sharply), "Go home Frank. You're drunk."
A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time making her uncomfortable.
The bartender says, Why don't you take a pitcher? It'll last longer.
A pirate walks into a bar,
He has what appears to be a steering wheel tucked into his pants.
Another patron of the bar asks,
"why do you have that in your pants? Isn't it uncomfortable?"
The pirate responded,
"Aye, matey, it's driving me nuts!"
My boss won't stop flirting with me, it's making me feel really uncomfortable.
Mainly because we're a family run business.
I was going to tell a joke about the leader of North Korea having a furniture fetish
But the punchline was uncomfortable.
My friend got made at me for smelling his mothers underwear.
I'm unaware whether it was cause she was there or cause the rest of the family was there. Either way it made for a uncomfortable funeral.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel jammed down the front of his pants.
The bartender says, "Isn't that uncomfortable?"
The pirate responds, "Ar, it's drivin' me nuts."
"You need to stop masturbating so much!"
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
[Long] I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life.
Sleeping in a bed which was only 30m.
Genders are like the Twin Towers
There used to be two of them, and now it's a really uncomfortable topic.
It's important to break stereotypes. If you're walking in the street and you start getting an uncomfortable feeling from someone behind you...
Mug them.
At a wedding reception, the groom's grandfather stood up to make his toast. Having been married for 60 years, he wanted to pass on his secret to the newlyweds. The grandfather addressed the happy couple, saying the tip to a happy and long lasting marriage is to beat your wife up every morning.
An uncomfortable silence followed. The grandfather continued, yes, I beat my wife up every morning. I get up around 6:30 and she gets up around 8.
Why aren't there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?
People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter
My pregnant wife couldn't sleep last night because she was so uncomfortable...
She is running out of womb.
My teacher tried to flirt with me in class today.
It made me really uncomfortable. She kept saying "You look sexy!" and "wanna have a little fun in bed?"
It's tough being homeschooled.
As get older, I've developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam.
It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
My friend Doug shocked and hurt me.
He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a horrible thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath.
I hate crocs
They're super uncomfortable. Especially when you're riding on their back.
A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.
Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:
Do you have elections?
The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:
Evely molning
A little boy asked his grandad where poo came from
The grandad was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. The little boy looked a little perplexed and stared at him in stunned silence for a few seconds before asking "And Tigger?"
You know what's a REAL pain in the butt?
An uncomfortable chair.
Yesterday, one of my good friends told me that I often make people feel uncomfortable by invading their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
Yesterday, one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say, and quite frankly, it completely ruined our bath.
My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable.
To be honest, I thought it suited me.
My son asked me "Where does Poo come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable, but I sat him down and gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds, and asked "And Tigger?"
My son asked me where poo came from
My son asked "Where does poo come from?" It was uncomfortable but I gave him an honest answer. Looking up in silence and a little confused he asked "And Tigger?"
What do the US police force and the KKK have in common?
An uncomfortable amount.
The postman said he'd hold my package till I got home...
it was an uncomfortable walk.
A Piece Of String Walks Into A Bar...
He quickly notices a sign that says, "No String Allowed, We do not serve pieces of String."
Before anyone notices, he rushes to the bathroom and hides in a stall.
He messes himself up, makes himself look rough and tattered. Then he contorts his body into a twisted and uncomfortable position.
He proceeds to the bar where he asks the barkeep for a drink.
Looking at the string suspiciously the barkeep asks,
"Hey... are you a piece of string??"
To which the string replies,
"No, I'm a frayed knot.".
(Shamelessly farming Karma on my cake day)
A Couple on their Honeymoon decided to take a trip to Africa. While walking in the countryside, they saw a beautiful lake...
There was a little boy who was standing by the bank, enjoying himself. The couple approached him and asked if it was safe to go into the water, if there were any sharks in the lake. The boy said no and went back to playing.
The couple jumped into the lake but after awhile felt uncomfortable so got out and asked the boy again if he was sure there were no sharks.
The boy, looking at the couple, a little irritated now, said: Believe me, Sharks don't come where there are Crocodiles.
If you currently have a voodoo doll of me
Please scratch its balls for me, I'm at a meeting and it's really uncomfortable. Thanks
I was told to get out of my comfort zone
So I started driving on the other side of the road
Not only I'm I uncomfortable, but so is everybody else
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the uncomfortable bit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working uncomfortable discomfort piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.