Unbelievable Jokes

44 unbelievable jokes and hilarious unbelievable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about unbelievable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Unbelievable Short Jokes

Short unbelievable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The unbelievable humour may include short incredible jokes also.

  1. Today, a psychic told me I'd witness an unbelievable pain in 12 years. To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!
  2. My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride Unbelievable!
  3. My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud... ... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
  4. Unbelievable!!! My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, so in revenge I stole her wheelchair... Well, guess who came crawling back today...
  5. What's the most unrealistic part of the new James bond movie? A Brit with a full tank of petrol.
  6. Your mother is so unbelievably poor That when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers
  7. My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I've been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
  8. My wife is still really upset that her mother still can't visit us since the pandemic started….
    But I've told her it's just unbelievable that I've got covid for the fourth time….
  9. There's only one word in the English language that begins with U and ends in E. Unbelievable, right?!
  10. Unbelievable! I need to have a lobotomy tomorrow I'm gonna give the surgeon a piece of my mind

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Unbelievable One Liners

Which unbelievable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with unbelievable? I can suggest the ones about speechless and amazing.

  1. A pick up line for atheists Did you fall from heaven?
    Because your unbelievable.
  2. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable
  3. Did you hear about that incredibly unbelievable item in the store I didn't buy it
  4. People ask me if my acting skills are any good They're unbelievable.
  5. What do atheists say to God? You're unbelievable!
  6. 10 unbelievable therapy treatments! Number 5 will shock you.
  7. She tells me I'm unbelievably self-critical. I really hate that part of myself.
  8. 9 reasons to go the Toilet, now! Number 2 is unbelievable!
  9. what do you say when you are inside a bubble? wow, unbelieve-bubble
  10. Hospitals are unbelievable When I was dying I had to write my name on a check
  11. Amazing Video - Shocking Unbelievable Real Videos Around The World 2017
  12. I met a flat earther the other day He was such an unbelievable person.
  13. Have you heard about thing called God? It's unbelievable.
  14. Found an unbelievable thing. Just found out I was born on my birthday.


Uplifting Unbelievable Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about unbelievable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unthinkable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make unbelievable pranks.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

An old man is on his death bed and calls all his family and the priest.

He says to his first son "I want you to have all the property in the north of the town, I have 16 houses there."
He says to his second son "I want you to have all my commercial property, 8 businesses."
He says to his third son "I want you to have the houses in the southern district, there are only 4, but they are expensive and lucrative."
The old man passes away and the priest says "That is unbelievable, he must have been incredibly wealthy?"
The old man's widow laughs and says "He was a Window Cleaner"

Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during s**...?

Because it's unbelievable.

My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone.

So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievable s**... sister was sitting next to me. A few moments later she whispered to me:
"We should have s**... while my sister isn't home."
I immediately got up and turned around to head back to my car. I find my girlfriend standing by the door, she hugged me and said:
"You've just won my trust honey!"
Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Three guys in a bed....

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a h**...!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

My girlfriend...

... invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably s**..., she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have s**..." , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car

Ole and Sven

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"why sure," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "where ya from?"
"Norway," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway."
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?"
"Bergen," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old Bergen."
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, where did you live?"
"On a boat, at the fishin' docks," replies the second man.
"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at the fishin' docks, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."

I got out of my car, exasperated, and phoned my wife. I said, "Unbelievable...I was on my way to the bowling alley with my friends and my tyre went flat."

"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.
"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."

Three ladies meet up for a drink

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

My girlfriend invited me to her house...

My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat their waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably s**... sister was waiting their with me. A few minutes go by, then she comes up next to me and whispers in my ear "we should have s**... before my sister comes home." I immediately got up turned around and walked to my car when I found my girlfriend standing by the door at which point she hugged me and said "you've earned my trust" Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.

Donald Trump and his two bodyguards are on a crashing airplane. There are only two parachutes.

Trump declares "I am the President of the United States and also the smartest one. It's unbelievable." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
One of the bodyguards says "Hey, man, you have a wife and kids. Take the parachute."
The other replies "There are enough parachutes for both of us, Tim. Mr Trump took my knapsack."

Teacher: children, what's your biggest fear?

Tom (5): snakes!
Emily (6): lions!
Stanley (5): the unbelievable senselessness of life, and that we will all die a terrible death in our nightmares!
Lilly (6): Stanley!

A hairdresser got arrested for dealing drugs and running an e**... service.

Unbelievable. Been a customer for years and I never knew he was a hairdresser!

Social Distancing is so unbelievably s**...

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

Wrong number perhaps

A women is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.

"This is the middle school calling about your son Johnny. He's been caught telling unbelievable lies."

"I'll say he has," the woman replies, "I don't have a son."

Lesser known Knights of the Round Table

I was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield. - Sir Prize
I shall see you around. - Sir Cumference
We shall fight on land or sea. - Sir Fenturf
I was the knight who was afraid to fight. - Sir Render
I was the unbelievable knight. - Sir Real
I was the knight that drank too much. - Sir Rhosis

I took my daughter to the park yesterday. Everything was going fine until we got to one particular ride. First she happy, then she was sad, then she was unbelievably angry...

Those were some crazy mood swings.

A friend just got a brand new grand piano

I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.

Unbelievable joke, What do atheists say to God?