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Umbrella Jokes

114 umbrella jokes and hilarious umbrella puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about umbrella that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh in the rain with these hilarious umbrella jokes! Get ready for some completely absurd, Mary Poppins-inspired puns, aesthetic raincoat anecdotes, and some serious awning wit. Whether you are a fan of the Umbrella Academy or not, these jokes will have you rolling!

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Funniest Umbrella Short Jokes

Short umbrella jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The umbrella humour may include short rain coat jokes also.

  1. I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
    That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
  2. I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
  3. "Give it to me! Give it to me now, I'm so f*cking wet!" She could scream all she wanted, I was not giving her the umbrella.
  4. My girlfriend told me, "I need it! I'm so wet! Give it to me, now!" I told her she can scream all she wants, she's not getting my umbrella
  5. My 7 year old son came up with this please be kind. Why did the icecream have an umbrella?... because there were to many sprinkles!
  6. So today my wife was screaming Give it to me, I'm so wet! give it to me! She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.
  7. Give it to me, She screamed. I'm so wet, give it to me now! She could yell all she wanted, but I was keeping my umbrella.
  8. Asked my iPhone, Surely I don't need an umbrella today? . Siri replied Yes, and don't call me Shirley . Turns out I left Airplane mode on.
  9. "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
  10. My wife didn't understand why the Umbrella salesman was being so vague. I had to remind her it's a shady business.

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Umbrella One Liners

Which umbrella one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with umbrella? I can suggest the ones about blanket and stroller.

  1. The man who invented the umbrella was going to call it brella. When asked, he hesitated.
  2. I don't trust umbrellas. They're shady.
  3. The inventor of the umbrella was actually just going to call it brella But he hesitated
  4. Why did snoop dogg bring an umbrella? There was a Lil Wayne outside
  5. why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle
  6. Me: [Holds the door for my wife] My wife: Why can't we just buy an umbrella
  7. What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella? Wet.
    Source: me, now.
  8. The inventor of the umbrella was originally going to call it the brella But he hesitated.
  9. Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? For drizzle.
  10. Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas
  11. Why does Snoop Dog use an umbrella? Fo' drizzle.
  12. I lent a girl an umbrella that makes the people I've made wet this year -1
  13. I gave a girl my umbrella today That makes the number of girls I've made wet -1
  14. Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle, my nizzle.
  15. Why did Snoop Dog bring an umbrella? Fo'Drizzle

Umbrella Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny umbrella day jokes and even better umbrella day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman's family reunion? Because it was a Wayne-y day.
  • Every day, for the last two years, I've been putting something aside for a rainy day... ... But what am I going to do with 500 umbrellas and 200 pairs of wellies?
  • I bought myself a new umbrella Saving it for a rainy day..
  • A weather girl walks into a chemist And buys an umbrella, a pair of sunglasses and a box of tampons.
    She was expecting rain with sunny periods that day
  • I just bought a brand new umbrella, but I'm not gonna use it yet. I'm saving it for a rainy day.
  • I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
  • I pulled this out of my a**... one day but here goes.... My dad: I've seen that news g**... another weather channel.
    Me: They must be owned by the same umbrella company.
  • A quick one for tomorrow's tax day **IRS Agent:** You can't deduct and umbrella!
    **Taxpayer:** Why not? It's overhead, isn't it?
  • Why can't midgets reach elevator b**... on a sunny day? No Umbrella.

Umbrella Academy Jokes

Here is a list of funny umbrella academy jokes and even better umbrella academy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What would it be called if the Umbrella Academy had another sibling, and then triplets, but one of them was taller than the other 2? 2 number 9's and a number 9 large.
Umbrella joke, What would it be called if the Umbrella Academy had another sibling, and then triplets, but one of t

Umbrella joke, What would it be called if the Umbrella Academy had another sibling, and then triplets, but one of t

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about umbrella can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of umbrella puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Giggle-Inducing Umbrella Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about umbrella you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean rainy day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make umbrella prank.

When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

Q: What goes up a chimney down, but cannot go down a chimney up?
A: An umbrella.

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...

"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...

The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"
The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"
The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"
The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...

Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.
"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."
"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it s**...'ite?"

Did you hear the one about the umbrella in the trench coat and sunglasses?

He was looking shady.

Whose point is it anyway?

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"

Joke from orange is the new black

So a penguin and a farmer walk into a bar. The penguin starts eating the tiny fancy drink umbrellas. The Bartender says to the Farmer, "Hey, your eggplant's gotta pay for those." And so the Penguin says "Dude, he's not an eggplant, he's r**...."

Saw a man selling umbrellas in the rain today.

He ironically was umbrella-less. When I asked him why, he replied: "Man, I don't stay dry off my own supply."

Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?

Because he was scared of a Lil' Wayne.

A 96 year old man...

After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

John and Peter

John: Dude my girlfriend is pregnant, but I use a c**... every time.
Peter: Come here my dear friend and I will explain it to you
John: Ok.
Peter: A man went into the jungle with an umbrella. He saw a tiger coming right at him. He touched the button of his umbrella and the tiger died.
John: Haha!But that's impossible. Maybe someone else shot the tiger.
Peter: Exactly..

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

For Drizzle.

How do you hold an umbrella for a feminist without offending said feminist?

She doesn't need one. The glass ceiling keeps her dry.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining

That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1

Why does the snoop dog bring an umbrella?

Why does the snoop dog bring an umbrella?
For the drizzle

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices j**... colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

"Give it to me! Give it to me! I'm so wet!" She screamed.

"No," I replied, "it's my umbrella."

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

I realized placing a long umbrella on my back does not make me like a ninja samurai...

But more like a Teletubbies.

Mr. Trump told his servant to water the plant outside the house

The servant said, "But sir, it's raining outside"
Mr. Trump replied, "Can't you use the umbrella?"

Blonde's

An evil genie captured a blonde and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing.
The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst.
The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off.
The blonde brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window!

Why do people carry umbrellas when it rains?

Because umbrellas can't walk. Ba'dum tssss

I tell you what really catches my eye ..

Short people with umbrellas

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was planned to call it a brella ...

...But he hesitated

One umbrella turns to another and says

"You don't really look that good bro".
The other replies, "Yeah, I've been feeling kinda under the weather".

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

A Broccoli, Mushroom, Walnut and a Banana are having a discussion

Broccoli: I look like a tree!
Mushroom: I look like an umbrella!
walnut: I look like a brain!
Banana: You guys wanna talk about something else?

I borrowed my umbrella to a girl

That makes the number of girls I got wet this year equal to -1.

What a fruit.

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Can we change the topic please?

"GIVE IT TO ME!" She screamed. "I'm so wet right now!"

She can yell all she wants, I'm keeping my umbrella.

Rihanna's beauty kit is selling well...

...imagine if she sold umbrellas.

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.

What is the difference between pain and a catastrophe?

Pain is when someone puts an umbrella up your a**....
Catastrophe is when they open it.

A wet joke

So I actually lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

I lent an umbrella to a girl yesterday.

Now I have made a total of -1 girls wet.

I know a lot of clever jokes about umbrellas,

but they usually go over people's heads.

the creator of the umbrella was just going to call it brella

but he hesitated

My girlfriend said that once we get married I can stop wearing condoms!!

Guess you don't need an umbrella if it's never gonna rain...

It started to rain suddenly so I lent this attractive young woman my umbrella.

That takes the total number of hot girls I have made wet this year to minus one.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.

What's the difference between my wife and an umbrella?

Only one of them gets wet

Don't tell clever jokes about umbrellas.

They just go over people's heads !

Doctor's consultation.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

The person who invented the umbrella was going to simply call it 'brella'..

Then they thought about it for a second....

Two turtles walk into a bar.

As soon as they enter inside, it starts to rain. The big turtle turns to the smaller one and says - Go home and get the umbrella.
Small Turtle - I will, if you promise not to touch my soda.
Two hours pass.......
Big Turtle - Well. I guess he's not coming back. May as well drink his soda.
As he's about to reach for it, a voice from outside the bar says - If you touch the soda, I won't go home and get the umbrella.

The umbrella was originally going to be called just brella …

Until the inventor hesitated.

The inventor of the umbrella was going to call it the brella,

but when he went to register the patent , he hesitated.

British people are like coconuts

Hard on the outside, but sweet once you crack us.
Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

Don't trust umbrella's

They seem shady.

I'll tell you what always catches my eyes?

Short people with umbrellas

Umbrella joke, I'll tell you what always catches my eyes?

jokes about umbrella

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these umbrella jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.