Umbrella Day Jokes
32 umbrella day jokes and hilarious umbrella day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about umbrella day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Umbrella Day Short Jokes
Short umbrella day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The umbrella day humour may include short umbrella jokes also.
- Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman's family reunion? Because it was a Wayne-y day.
- Every day, for the last two years, I've been putting something aside for a rainy day... ... But what am I going to do with 500 umbrellas and 200 pairs of wellies?
- A weather girl walks into a chemist And buys an umbrella, a pair of sunglasses and a box of tampons.
She was expecting rain with sunny periods that day - I just bought a brand new umbrella, but I'm not gonna use it yet. I'm saving it for a rainy day.
- I pulled this out of my a**... one day but here goes.... My dad: I've seen that news g**... another weather channel.
Me: They must be owned by the same umbrella company. - A quick one for tomorrow's tax day **IRS Agent:** You can't deduct and umbrella!
**Taxpayer:** Why not? It's overhead, isn't it?
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Umbrella Day One Liners
Which umbrella day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with umbrella day? I can suggest the ones about raining day and rainy day.
- I bought myself a new umbrella Saving it for a rainy day..
- I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
- Why can't midgets reach elevator b**... on a sunny day? No Umbrella.
Umbrella Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about umbrella day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beautiful day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make umbrella day pranks.
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...
Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.
"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."
"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it s**...'ite?"
Doctor's consultation.
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office.
I looked at him, puzzled, and said, But, sir, it's raining!
He replied, Then take an umbrella and water the plants.
Who shot the lion?
One day a man goes to his doctor and says doctor doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant and I used protection and everything.
The doctor looks at him and says Sit down son, let me tell you a story.
The doctor continues There was once a man who brought his gun everywhere. He never left his house without it. One day the man forgot his gun and accidentally grabbed his umbrella. When the man was out walking a lion jumped out of the bushes and lunged at the man. The man pulls out his umbrella and shoots the lion dead.
The young man looks at the doctor confused
that's impossible someone else must have shot the lion.
The doctor answers that's my point, next patient.
"Blank Shot" never gets old
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
A worried man visits his doctor.
He says, Doc, my girlfriend's pregnant but I always use c**...! How's that possible?
The doctor replies, Let me tell you a story. Once there was an aging hunter who one day mistakenly took his umbrella instead of his rifle on safari. Later, a lion was suddenly upon him, and the hunter aimed his umbrella at the lion and shot it dead. Can you believe that?
Nonsense! replies the man. Someone else must have shot the lion.
The doctor smiles and says, Glad you got the point of the story.
My Point Exactly
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek, he saw a b**... sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the b**... fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that b**...."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
A happy 80 year old man goes to see his doctor
Doctor: Why are you so happy?
Old Man: My 19 year old wife is pregnant! Can you believe it?!
Doctor: Wow, that great news! You know, I have a story to tell you.
Old Man: Go ahead
Doctor: I once had a friend. He would go hunting every weekend. One day he forgot to bring his gun. He brought his umbrella instead.
Old Man: Ok...
Doctor: He then saw a bear. Not knowing what to do, he opened the umbrella, and p**..., the bear died.
Old Man: How's that possible? You can't kill a bear with an umbrella
Doctor: Exactly. Somebody else must've shot the bear.
My point exactly.
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek, he saw a b**... sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the b**... fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that b**...."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
A bear joke
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
A 98 year old man...
A 98 year old man goes to the doctor. He tells the doctor that he is in the best shape of his life. He can run around, his memory is great, and he just got his 18 year old girlfriend pregnant.
The doctor pauses, looks at him, and replies, "My neighbor went out hunting one day and instead of grabbing his shotgun on the way out, he grabbed his umbrella. While he was out he saw a rabbit. He pointed the umbrella at him and yelled 'BANG BANG!' The rabbit dropped over dead. What do you think of that?"
The old man answers, "I think someone else shot that rabbit."
The doctor points at him and replies, "Exactly!"
80 year old man and young bride
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 30 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
An 80-year old man gets a check-up...
An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?"
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.
"Someone else must of shot the bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
