Ukraine Jokes
105 ukraine jokes and hilarious ukraine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ukraine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
"Explore the funny side of the Ukraine-England rivalry with this list of jokes. Learn why Ukraine is an unlikely source of humor, with japes about football, the country's name, and even President Putin! Take a break from politics and enjoy some Ukrainian levity with these Motherland-based jokes."
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Funniest Ukraine Short Jokes
Short ukraine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ukraine humour may include short motherland jokes also.
- My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force
- Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
- Russian army was thought to be the second best army in the world... ... It turns out it's only the second best army in Ukraine.
- What's the difference between Ukraine and Russia? Ukraine's president is a comedian.
Russia's president is a clown. - My mate just watched the Chernobyl documentary and, having grown up in Ukraine in the 1980s, he was pretty mad. And I get it, too. He counted at least eight historical inaccuracies on one hand.
- According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map. They're really ahead of their time.
- Russia is the second most powerful military nation ... in Ukraine.
(Just thought about it, sorry if it's not OC) - During the course of a couple of weeks, Russia went from the 2nd stongest army in the world ... ... to the 2nd strongest army in Ukraine.
- Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
- Putin's inner circle is trying to hide the news that the war isn't going well in parts of Ukraine from him... They have a very strict Donetsk-don't-tell policy.
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Ukraine One Liners
Which ukraine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ukraine? I can suggest the ones about leader and .
- Why is Putin in such a hurry to get into Ukraine? Because he's always Russian.
- did you know that Ukraine has no Walmarts? only targets.
- Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine? The Crimea River
- Putin nowadays be like: all I want is peace. A piece of Ukraine.
- Why are there no Wal-Marts in Ukraine? Because they're all Targets.
- Justin Timberlake visits the Ukraine. Where does he visit first? Crimea River
- What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading? Crimea River.
- Why isn't Uranium associated with Ukraine anymore? Cause it lost decay
God im sorry - What is Putins favorite song to play for Ukraine? Crimea-River
- How has the Russian government started spelling Ukraine? A-f-g-h-a-n-i-s-t-a-n.
- What flows through Ukraine and doesn't care about your feelings? Crimea River
- Russia have just applied to join NATO. They need protection from Ukraine.
- Why should you never buy underpants made in Ukraine? Chernobyl fallout
- What is Justin Timberlake's Favorite vacation spot in the Ukraine? Crimea River
- What is Russia's favorite imported product? Ukraine.
Ukraine Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny ukraine name jokes and even better ukraine name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Putin is visiting Ukraine "Name?"
"Vladimir Putin"
"Occupation?"
"Not this time" - King Charles has announced that he will be sending his best two Helicopter pilots to Ukraine for the war. Their names are Andrew and Harry
- Why Won't Anyone Tell me the Name of Ukraine's 5th Largest City? They keep telling me to stop asking...
Annexing Ukraine Jokes
Here is a list of funny annexing ukraine jokes and even better annexing ukraine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump calls Putin on the phone Trump says, "You need to stop annexing territory in Ukraine"
Putin responds, "Crimea river" - What did Russia say to Ukraine after they annexed their peninsula? Crimea river.
- Apparently Putin wants to rename a river in the annexed region of Ukraine Crimea a river
- What did Vladimir Putin say to the Ukraine after he annexed it? Crimean river.
- Angela Merkel announces German annexation of Czechoslovakia during G7 speech. *Russian *Ukraine


Howlingly Hilarious Ukraine Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about ukraine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ukraine pranks.
So apparently justin timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.
It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.
The Irish have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine.
They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance!
Ukrainian dog in Russia.
The dog runs from Ukraine to Russia across the boarder. People asks: "Why are you running?" The dog replies: "Life in Ukraine is hard, I decided to go live in Russia." A week later, the dog, with the eyes bulging, runs back to Ukraine. "Why are you coming back?" "They didn't allow me even to bark there!"
Afraid to speak Russian in Ukraine.
"Yefim, you know, I try to speak Russian as little as possible."
"Why? What happened? Are you afraid that Ukrainians will beat you up?"
"No, I am scared that Russians will come to save me."
What's the #1 song in Ukraine?
Crimea River
There is a new kind of bread in the Ukraine that is the most popular.
I don't know what it is called but it is Putin free.
You know what is going on in Ukraine?
Donetsk, don't tell.
With the situation in Ukraine...
Putin is giving a speech to his people
- My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder!
Voice from the crowd:
- We will work two shifts!
- Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and production!
- We will work three shifts!
- Such patriotism for country! By the way what's your occupation?
- I work at morgue...
Popular joke in Ukraine
"Driver of a Russian humanitarian aid truck was beaten by Russian soldiers when tried to light a cigarette near cans with beef stew."
I had a friend from Ukraine.
Now he's from Russia.
What does Ukraine have in common with the iPhone 7?
They both suffered the loss of one very important port.
What happens when Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Armenia, Ukraine and Latvia get back together?
A Soviet reunion
After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi,
"I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it."
"Ach," the rabbi replied, "I have no idea, but the government's conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the chimneysweeps."
"Why the chimneysweeps?" asked the befuddled official.
"Why the Jews?" responded the rabbi.
What do you do when a Soviet nuclear engineers asks for help in Ukraine?
You give them a third hand.
Why shouldn't you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?
Chernobyl fallout.
My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl
He actually grew up in Ukraine during the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
Chernobyl inaccuracies (Spoiler)
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.
The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."
Biden to Putin: Stop planning the invasion of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea River.
Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putin…
The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.
After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news…
A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland…
Poland has stepped up in support of Ukraine
they've stationed 10,000 troops on their border with France.
Russia
Putin feels like taking a trip and heads to the Moscow airport.
Immigration: Destination ?
Putin: Ukraine
Immigration: Occupation ?
Putin: Yes
As tensions rise in Ukraine
Vladimir is Putin troops in separatist regions, and Joe is Biden his time with imposing sanctions.
Russians are sending peacekeepers into Ukraine.
They're saying, " You see this piece of land? We're keeping it."
- Jimmy Carr
You guys have got it all wrong, this is definitely a "peacekeeping mission".
As in Putin wants to keep a piece of Ukraine.
Why did the Ukraine elect a comedian as president?
They needed someone who could turn even a Russian invasion into a joke
A friend of mine just saw a documentary on the Chernobyl disaster..
He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 inaccuracies on one hand
Why was the entire world late to work today?
Due to the invasion in Ukraine and widespread sanctions, everyone stopped Russian.
What's the difference between a comedian and a clown?
One leads Ukraine, the other leads Russia.
i hope it wasnt here already
Putin asks a fairy: Where will I be in april?
The fairy answers: I see you in a limo driving through kiev, the war between Russia and Ukraine has ended, everyone is cheering.
Putin: Am I waving to them?
Fairy: No, the coffin is closed.
My Russian pal is such a hopeless drunk that he joined the Red Army just to go to Ukraine
He heard that in the land of Ukraine, cocktails literally fall from the sky.
What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?
Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.
>NK Lukoil PAO
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>6.96 USD
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>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month
How do you defeat the Russian army?
By Putin em in Ukraine.
My favorite thing about Vladimir Putin...
... is that he has managed to take Russia's military from being the second most powerful in the world *allllllll* the way to being the second most powerful in Ukraine.
Which country is the largest supplier of arms to Ukraine?
Russia
How do you get all those Russian tanks out from the mud?
Ukraine them out.
a joke we tell in Ukraine
A russian, a Ukrainian and an African American guys are sitting in the waiting room while their wives give birth.
The nurse comes out with 3 babies and says "sorry guys, they've got mixed up..let's see whose is whose".
The Ukrainian takes a black kid and runs.
They yell "hold on dude!!! That kid is obviously not yours!"
the Ukrainian replied "I don't care I dont want a russian!!!"
Vladimir Putin just gave a statement about Russia's peace keeping operation in Ukraine
It's a piece-keeping operation. I'll be keeping this piece of Ukraine, and this piece. Ooh, and this piece is rather lovely, too!
Vladimir Putin is called to New York to answer before the United Nations for his invasion of Ukraine
Putin gets to the customs officer and presents his passport.
Customs agent: And what's the purpose of your visit, Mr. Putin? Business or pleasure?
Putin: Business, of course.
Customs agent: Occupation?
Putin: No, not this time. Just visiting.
Zelensky has massive b**..., so how do you get them from Kyiv to the border for the peace talks?
Ukraine them
Justin Timberlake announced he would be joining the war effort in Ukraine.
Rumors state that he will be positioned somewhere along the Crimea River.
A bunch of different birds are chilling in a large group when
Another type of bird comes out of nowhere. "sorry lads I've just arrived from europe!" says the bird,
"Ukraine?" askes another. "Nah mate I'm a pelican"
Calling a friend in Ukraine
Hi, what is going on ?:
Well, Russia is in war with NATO here.
And how does it look like ?
Russia lost a missile cruiser, over 600 tanks, 25000 soldiers.
And NATO ?
Did not arrive yet.
I think the Russian invasion of Ukraine was caused by a translation error.
The Russian military invading Ukraine all have Z's, and the Ukrainians fighting back are the "Not Z's".
Zelensky calls Putin
Zelensky: Hey Volodya, wanna hear a joke?
Putin: Sure
Zelensky: Ukraine
Putin: I don't get it.
Zelensky: You will never get it.
An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a plane.
The American gets up, goes to the window pulls a w**... of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The Ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
Before the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The Kremlin decides to try and intimidate Ukraine.
Before the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
The Kremlin decides to try and intimidate Ukraine.
They send a few truckloads of wheat with the note: "That's how many of us are coming!"
A few days later the trucks return full of flour with the note: "And this is how they will be sent back to you"
Did you hear about the Russian wolf that wandered into Ukraine and got in a trap?
It chewed off three of it's legs and was still caught in the trap.
I don't know why people are saying the Russian military is weak
They're ranked #2 in Ukraine.
This war in Ukraine has me on edge. Yesterday I thought I heard a Russian plane fly over my house.
It was just an Illyushin
Recent combat maneuvers and successes have shown that Russia has the second strongest military
...in Ukraine
Zelensky calls Putin
Zelensky: Wanna hear a joke?
Putin: Sure.
Zelensky: Ukraine.
Putin: I don't get it.
Zelensky: You will never get it.
Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears.
Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us? Stalin gives him the advice: Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue. Why blue? asks Vladimir Putin.
I knew you wouldn't have a problem with the first part, chuckles Stalin.
Schrödinger's Russian soldier is a famous physics thought experiment,
which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.
Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park.
They say It's just like Disneyland. Except the 6-foot mouse is real...

