Cheerful Uhh Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
Are you Blonde?
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.
.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."
"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
What do you say to an art student with a job?
"Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"
A father tells his son if he doesn't stop m**... he's going to go blind.
The son says, uhh.. dad? I'm over here.
So my younger sister walked in on me and my girlfriend having s**...
"Uhh that's g**..., what are you doing?" she asked
I answered: "Don't worry it's only natural, I bet you'll be doing it soon as well"
"Really? Why?"
"Because my girlfriend gets tired awfully quick."
What do you call a procrastinating comedian?
Uhh I don't know, I'll come up with the punch line later
A wife and husband were in a car talking to each other.
Wife : would you sleep with my best friend in order to save my life?
Husband : uhh, of course. I'd do anything to save your life, even if I had to sleep with Jessica.
Wife : what? Whose Jessica?
Husband : uhh, your best friend? Who is it? Lauren?
Wife : What??? No
Husband : Well i'd sleep with anyone if it meant I would be able to save your life. Who is your best friend anyways?
Wife : Jonathan
Only 50,000 BC kids will get this
Ugga: Ung b**... uhh mang b**... tankun ung
b**...: Nanga uhh ung tangung uhh...unganun
Ugga: Inga b**... langa ung ugg Ugga?
b**...: Ung b**... uhh tangung angu OOK OOOOOK
Soviet Factory
One compatriot who works in a factory suddenly decides to get a folding ladder, climbs to the top, and hangs upside down holding himself with his legs.
The factory officer notices, comes over to him, and says "what are you doing?"
He responds "I'm a light bulb".
The factory officer reponds "Uhh, clearly you are too tired, go home and rest!"
The worker climbs down and leaves for home.
A few seconds later, another worker stumbles towards the exit.
The officer says "Where are you going?"
and he responds "I can't work in the dark"
A man from quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar....
A man from Quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar, one of them finds a lamp, he rubs it and a genie comes out, he grants the two with one wish each.
the guy from Quebec says "i want a big, 40 foot wall arround the entire province"
the genie claps his fingers and says "here, done"
the one from Newfoundland aks "is your wall waterproof?"
"uhh yeah?" responded the guy from quebec
"fill her up"
(Me playing Quiplash with my friend who has cancer): What's the difference between me and cancer?
My friend: Uhh... what?
Me: You won't beat me!
You can explore uhh ooh reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean uhh jethro dad jokes. There are also uhh puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Three kids walk into a room
The first kid says to their mom mom why am I name daisy?
The mom replies because when you were born a daisy landed on your head
the second kid asks mom why am I named rose
The mom replied because when you were born I found a rose landed on your head
The third kid walks in uhh hello mumajsagshhshayayauh
The mom replies not now cinder block
A nervous man walks into a pharmacy...
... and the pharmacist asks how she may be of service.
"Well, you see, I uhh... I got a hot date tonight... and I'd like some... uhhh... you know..."
"Protection?" says the pharmacist.
"Yes, uhh... that's right."
"Small, medium, or large?"
"Uhh... I guess... medium."
"All right then," she gets out the box of medium condoms and totals up the bill, "that'll be $4.95 plus tax."
The man is shocked by this, "tacks!?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
First man: what is the most commonly used French expression?
Second man: uhh... I give up
I'm so indecisive!
Actually uhh wait no I'm not.
Tell me about yourself
1: Well uhh.. I like dogs
2: Oh, what's your favourite breed?
1: Any breed is good, they all taste the same anyway
Driving in Maryland
My girlfriend was next to me in my car the other day. We're driving through Baltimore and she says "Did you know Maryland is the third worst state to drive in?" over and over and over. About six miles later I get pulled over by a cop. The cop says "uhh sir? You do realize your girlfriend fell out of the car five miles back right?" And I said "Wow, and here I thought I was lucky enough to go deaf!"
A music teacher is facing the judge in court
After a few minutes, the judge recognises the man and asks him a question. "Hey, wasn't it you who taught my son to play the drums?"
"Uhh... yeah?" he replied.
"Life in prison for you!"
James Bond is on a mission to the white house
007: Q!
Q: Yes sir
007: Do you have the package?
Q: Yes sir! It's armed and ready
007: Good. Now do you have a marker on you
Q: Uhh sure here
007: thanks
*writes on package: From Russia with Love*
007: He'll never suspect a thing
Dad and son had a conversation.
Dad: Son, it's time to talk about the uhh female and male stuff.
Son: I'm sorry what?
Dad: You know.. the ding into hole in one stuff....
Son: I really don't know what you are talking about dad.
Dad: Son, I'm talking about s**....
Son: Oooh the s**... stuff, I've already educated myself dad.
Dad: From where???
Son: From your Brazzers premium subscription account on your PC....
Not so funny on the internet, but try these on your friends.
These are 2 options for knock knock jokes that only really work in person.
**1:**
* You: Knock knock!
* Them: Who's there?
* You: Interrupting cow.
* Them: Interrupting-
* You: MOOO!!
(Make sure you interrupt them)
**2:**
* You: I have a great knock knock joke for you.
* Them: Okay.
* You: Okay so you start it.
* Them: Knock knock!
* You: Who's there?
* Them: ....uhh
Enjoy!
There's this German guy who hides everything from me
His name is... umm... uhh... Alzheimer!
I wish I could rhyme!
That would be...
It would be uhh...
So uhh, a l**... just gave me the finger.
Am I supposed to give it back?
What does one Alzheimer patient say to another?
Uhh...... ...... I forgot.
Why have we not heard about Secret Service agents being caught with prostitutes lately?
uhh, Mr. President, I think you need to head home unexpectedly on a rainy Tuesday afternoon.
Please donate to national Alzheimer's awareness day which is
Uh... it's... uhh.. oh! happy birthday!
Sure is hard going to cinemas with dyslexia
"I'd like some uhh... cockporn please"
A pokemon trainer walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Wow, you're in luck, we're running a contest, and the first to drink 15 bottles of Samuel Adams new lager wins a MagiKarp!"
The trainer replies, "Uhh, who cares? Why would anyone bother competing for a MagiKarp?"
The bartender answers, "Because anyone who drinks Sam Adams automatically gets TM 87"
"What's TM 87?"
"*Swagger*"
