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Ugly Person Jokes

43 ugly person jokes and hilarious ugly person puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ugly person that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Ugly Person Short Jokes

Short ugly person jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ugly person humour may include short ugly woman jokes also.

  1. Hey I'm in jail on the police station for having an ugly face..... Can you please come over and show them they got the wrong person?
  2. My friend the beekeeper was looking fondly at something... I personally found it to be quite ugly, but then I realized and told him "I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder"
  3. Looked in the mirror and realized how ugly I am First thing I did was call every person ive ever slept with to get tested. Not for STDs but they clearly need a psychiatric evaluation.
  4. What do you call someone with three eyes, one ear, and a big nose...? Ugly. \(I know from personal experience :P\)
  5. For April Fools, I decided to swipe right on all the ugly people on Tinder but the only... Person I saw was myself.

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Ugly Person One Liners

Which ugly person one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ugly person? I can suggest the ones about ugly baby and ugly hair.

  1. She called me ugly, until she saw my personal savings. Now she calls me ugly and broke.
  2. I laughed at an ugly person once Then the mirror cracked
  3. They say ugly girls have great personalities... That's because ogres have layers
  4. Where can you find an ugly person cutting themselves? Your shaving mirror.
  5. How do you confuse an ugly person? With an orange.
  6. I'm tired of people assuming I've got a good personality because I'm ugly.
  7. What do you say to an ugly person? Anything you like, what are they going to do about it?
  8. What's an ugly persons least favorite invention? The mirror
  9. Receiving o**... s**... from an ugly person is like rock climbing You should never look down

Hilarious Fun Ugly Person Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about ugly person you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad ugly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ugly person pranks.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."

kind of ugly


A guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "sheesh, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarrassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."

A bus full of ugly people crashes

A bus full of ugly people crashes and everyone inside now stands at the gates of heaven. St. Peter announces to them "Before you enter heaven, I will grant unto each of you one wish." He approaches the first ugly person and the man says "I wish I was beautiful." Right as he says this the last ugly person in line starts to chuckle. So one by one St. Peter goes down the line, each person wishes "I wish I was beautiful", and every time someone wishes that, the last person laughs harder and harder. Finally, St. Peter reaches the last man, who at this point is on the ground crying he's laughing so hard. St. Peter asks him "Well, what is your wish?" to which the man replies, "Make them all ugly again!"

A Plane Full Of Ugly People Crashes

A plane full of ugly people crashes and everyone on board dies. The peoples' souls then go to heaven, where they are greeted by God at the gate. God tells them that he will grant each person one wish. The first person says, I want to be beautiful . God snapped his fingers and it happened. Then the second person wished for the same thing. This continues as each person in line wishes to be beautiful. God notices the last man in line laughing hysterically. When it came to be the man's turn he laughed and said, I wish all those people were ugly again.

There once was a man who looked especially ugly

Feeling depressed about being the ugliest person in the world, he tried to kill himself, only for a slightly less ugly person to save him at the last minute.
Thank you, kind sir! Why did you save me?
I don't want first place.

A man ask a pretty women: if there is a scale of a person's looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?

I think you are in the middle, says the women.
So my looking is just okay, says the man, a bit disappointed.
No, you are pretty ugly, says the women.

Ugly Ones

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous.
God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Looks doesn´t really matter

* Girl: The reason why you´re still single is because your standards are too high. Looks doesn´t really matter, you know.
* Boy: Wow! You´re the first non-beautiful person that I´ve heard say that looks doesn´t matter..
* Girl: WHAT?! Are you calling ME ugly!!!
* Boy: Why so upset? You just said looks doesn´t matter..

A bus full of ugly people

Heading to the national ugly people convention rolled off a cliff and everyone died. They ended up in heaven, St. Peter at the gates exclaimed wow, you guys are ugly, I feel bad so I'll grant you all one wish
The first person says I want to be beautiful
p**..., he was a handsome man.
The rest of the people in amazement asked for the same thing, until they got to the last person who was rolling in laughter, Sat. Peter asked him what wish he wanted in confusion and the guy in between laughs shouted
Make then all ugly again!
My sad attempt at a joke lol

3 man in heaven

3 man are in a house in heaven. There is one rule, if you step on a pink cloud something bad will happen to you.
They are all hungry and one person decides to get some pizza. He comes back with a ugly woman. The other look at eachother confused and asked what happened. The man with the ugly woman says that he stepped on a pink cloud.
The second man decides to get some food, but also comes with a ugly woman and says that he stepped on a pink cloud.
Than the third man goes and tries to get some food. But this time he comes back with the most beatiful woman. The other two are very confused and ask what happened. The beatiful lady says that she stepped on a pink cloud.

The ugly club was going to Disneyland!

When the bus crashed killing all 43 of the occupants and the ugly bus driver. When they reach the pearly gates saint peter tells them all to form an orderly line and they will each get one wish before they pass into heaven.
Each person asks for the same thing, I want to be the most beautiful person ever created. As they move through the line, each person becoming more beautiful than the last they can hear giggling from the back of the line.
The line eventually dissipates and saint peter asks the last person in line his wish.
He says make them all ugly again!

So these two ladies die

and are waiting in purgatory to hear the results of their life audit. A door opens and two men walk in. An angel walks in with an ugly, hunch backed gremlin of a man. The angel says "Nancy, in 1982 you killed a duck, your punishment will be to spend your eternal life with this man". He slaps the the shackles on each of their arms and are sent off for eternity. A little while later another angel walks in with a gorgeous hunky stud. He slaps the shackle on her and the handsome man and are sent on their way. During their walk shes thinking she must have be a good person during her life on earth, when she's interrupted by the man's muttering "I shouldn't have killed that duck".

A bus full of ugly people unexpectedly crashes and kills everyone on board

Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself.
"Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you all, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in."
The first person steps up and thinks for a moment. He says "You know God, I've been ugly all my life. For once I would like to know what it is like to be beautiful. Make me beautiful." So God snaps his fingers and it is so.
Everyone else starts chattering amongst themselves at such a brilliant idea. They all start wishing for the same thing.
God steps up to the last guy in line who is laying on his side laughing so hard he is crying. After several minutes of patiently waiting, God finally says "Now what in Heaven could be so funny boy?" The man stands up, wipes a tear from his eye and says "Make them all ugly again."

A bus full of ugly people get in an accident

They all died and went to heaven. God felt bad for all of these people and decided to give them all one wish. They all stood in line and the first person thought for a moment. Then the first person decided, I've spent my whole life ugly I wish to be beautiful. So god snaps his fingers and made him beautiful. The second person thought that was a great idea decided she too wanted to be beautiful. God snaps his fingers and made her beautiful. The next 3 people all wished to be beautiful as well. The guy at the back of the line stood there snickering a little as the next 4 people wish just the same. The last guy starts gigglinga little louder. The next ten people as made the same wish and now the last guys is laughing historically. Finally after everyone has made the same wish and now the last guy is up. God says let me guess you want to be beautiful too. The guy replies "nah make them all ugly again!"

A bus full of ugly people crashes.

A bus containing only ugly people crashes violently, and all of the unfortunate passengers die. Finding themselves in Heaven, they see St Peter approaching them with the keys to the Pearly Gates.
He announces, "Since all of you were died so horribly, and none of you sinned terribly, you are each granted one wish as you go into Heaven."
The first person thinks for a second, and then decides, "I want to be gorgeous!"
Seeing the person immediately become so, the second person wishes the same thing, and so on.
After a while, the man in the back suddenly bursts out in laughter. As St Peter nears the end of the line, the man's laughter becomes more hysterical and harder to control.
When St Peter finally reached the end of the line, the man, now in tears, said, "Make 'em all ugly again."

A bartender notices a hideous man at the bar surrounded by several hot women...

...the bartender said to him, "please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've seen. In fact, you are quite ugly. Now normally, I would think that these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir what is it about you that attracts all these b**...?"
The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, " I haven't the faintest idea."

A plane crashes

There were 152 people on a plane. It gets hijacked and crashed, and everyone on it dies. God says they all get one wish because of how tragically they died. The first man wishes for himself not to be ugly, the second person wishes she was skinnier. They all wish for something that improves their appearance. Halfway through the line God notices a man in the back laughing hysterically. The closer he gets to the back the harder the man laughs. When he gets to the last man he asks whats so funny.
"I wish they were all ugly again!"

A bus full of ugly people get into a car c**.....

causing everyone on the bus to die
Because everyone on the bus had done nothing wrong in their life, god decided they would be allowed into heaven. As a bonus, he would give them all one free wish
As the first of the really ugly people entered heaven, god had asked what his wish was. After thinking for a moment about what he wanted most, he told god be wished to look beautiful. God had made his wish come true and he was an incredible sight to look at. He had never been so happy in his life.
Inspired by his success everyone else started following his lead and made the same wish. Everyone was celebrating as they entered heaven looking beautiful after being made fun of for all their lives.
When the last person in line had arrived, he had walked in laughing. God asked him why he was laughing and what his wish would be.
With a smile on his face, the last man had said "I wish they were all ugly again."

There was a support group for ugly people.

and each month when they would meet, there would be a small bus to pick them all up and take them to the meeting. Well one stormy night after picking everyone up the bus driver lost control of the bus on a bridge and it plummeted into the water and all of those hideous ugly people drowned.
So they go to heaven and St. Peter is there and he says
"Wow, you guys had it rough! I mean look at you!"
and then he says
"You know what? I am going to give each of you one wish, and then send you back to earth, here line up and tell me what your wish is."
So the ugly people lined up and the person in the front of the line says
"Oh I got it!, I want to be beautiful!"
So St. Peter complied.
The next person in line sees what happened to the first person
and says "Make me beautiful too!"
So he did.
At that moment, there seemed to be someone giggling from the end of the line. St. Peter didn't know what was so funny but he kept on granting wishes and one by one each person in line asked to be beautiful.
Finally St Peter gets to the end of the line and the last person is just about to explode with laughter. He can hardly contain himself.
St Peter says... "Ok.. what is your wish?"
and the man says
"Make em' all ugly again!"

jokes about ugly person