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Ugly Baby Jokes

45 ugly baby jokes and hilarious ugly baby puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ugly baby that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Ugly Baby Short Jokes

Short ugly baby jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ugly baby humour may include short ugly person jokes also.

  1. A proud new dad sat next to me in the bus today, pulled out his phone, and showed me a picture of his rather ugly baby. I told him, "that's a really nice phone."
  2. I was so ugly as a baby when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
  3. My childhood was tough. I'm so ugly, that when I was a baby my mother refused to breastfeed me.
    She told me she just liked me as a friend.
  4. My friend had a baby recently... The doctor was weighing the baby when she turned to my friend and said, I've seen ugly babies before, but not on this scale!
  5. What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby? "I charge five dollars if it's a boy and five dollars if it's a girl. Let's just say this one's on the house.
  6. Ugly Baby I was ugly when I was a baby... So ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.
  7. Have you ever wondered why Triangles are more successful than Squares or Circles? Well it's because, early on. Square and Circle were ugly babies, but the triangle was acute one :)
  8. Doctor: looks like you guys are having a baby me: no way!! what's it gonna be
    Doctor: *looks me up and down* ugly
  9. Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
  10. Using what s**... position often causes a couple to have an ugly baby? I don't know, ask your mom.

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Ugly Baby One Liners

Which ugly baby one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ugly baby? I can suggest the ones about bad baby and messed up baby.

  1. Tattoos are like babies. You don't dare tell the truth and say they're ugly.
  2. AN UGLY POSITION Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?
    A: Idk, ask your parents.
  3. Yo momma so ugly... When she was a baby, her parents fed her with a slingshot.
  4. Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
  5. Yo momma so ugly, she had to get the baby drunk so that she could breastfeed it.
  6. WHAT IS THE BEST POSITION TO HAVE UGLY BABIES? I DON'T KNOW. ASK YOUR MOM.
  7. What s**... position makes an ugly baby? Go ask your mom
  8. What s**... position makes ugly babies? Ask your parents
  9. What s**... position leads to ugly babies? Idk ask your mom
  10. Which s**... position produces the most ugly babies? Ask yo momma. Sorry

Entertaining Ugly Baby Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about ugly baby you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ugly woman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ugly baby pranks.

A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy...

(Sorry if repost, I did a search)
A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy and the doctor hands him to her, remarking, "That's a cute baby!"
Mom says, "Oh I bet you say that about every baby you deliver."
Doctor says, "No no, only when they're really cute."
"What do you say when they're ugly?"
"He looks just like his mother!"

A woman walks onto a bus

A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."

A man is sitting on a train with a baby, who is very ugly.

In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,
What a hideous baby.
I've never been so insulted in my whole life, the man says, and
hurries to the train conductor to complain.
I'm so sorry, sir, the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he was insulted so terribly. I apologise on behalf of the railway
company.
Please allow me to move you to the first-class cabin, where you
can enjoy a free glass of champagne and I will try to find some cheese for your pet rat.

A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'

The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

One day a woman and her baby got onto a bus

As the woman paid the bus driver, he said to her, That is one ugly baby!"
The woman was furious and stomped to her seat.
"What's the matter?"asked
another passenger.
"The bus driver just insulted me!"
"Well go up there and tell him off
while I hold your monkey."

A woman holding her baby gets on the bus

The chauffeur looks at it and says:
"That has to be the most ugly baby I've ever seen!"
Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus and says to a man next to her:
"The driver just rudely insulted me!"
The man says:
"You don't have to allow that! Go and say something to him. While you do that, I'll hold on to your monkey."

My grandfather told me this joke...

A lady and her baby walks onto a bus. The bus driver exclaims "wow that's one ugly baby!" The mother storms down the aisle and takes a seat next to a man. The man tells her "the bus driver should not have said that to you! You march right up to him and speak your mind while I hold your monkey!"

A woman gets on to a bus, holding her unfortunately ugly baby.

The driver laughs and says "what an ugly kid!"
Fuming, the woman sits down and turns to the man next to her. "That driver was so rude to me. I should really give him a piece of my mind."
The man nods sympathetically. "You go tell him, I'll hold your dog."

A woman brings her baby to the pediatrician who says "wow...your baby is beautiful". She tells him thanks and that he must say that to all moms who bring in their babies. He says to her "oh no I don't"..........

......she asks, what do you do if the baby is ugly? He says "I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and I say your baby looks just like you."

Not This Time

A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"

A woman with a baby and she decides to take the bus...

When she enters the bus, the bus driver says "thats an ugly baby." The now furious woman goes to sit in the back of the bus, the man beside her notices that she is mad and he askes what the problem was. The woman said "the bus driver insulted me" so the man responded with "really... you should go confront the driver, i'll hold your monkey for you."

A couple who had two beautiful daughters decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

Soon, the wife became pregnant and was
happy to deliver a baby boy.
The father raced to the hospital to see his new
son, but was horrified to find an incredibly ugly
baby.
He said to his wife, "I cannot possibly be the
Father of that hideous child. Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered."
His wife blushed and the husband became suspicious. "Have you been with another man?" he said.
His wife admitted, "Not this time."

The ugly baby

A woman is getting on the bus with her baby in her arms. She's fumbling through her purse looking for the fare when the bus driver looks across and says "Gees lady, that's The Ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
She throws the fare at him and stumbles to the back of the bus in a huff.
"What happened lovey? Are you alright?" asks an elderly gentleman from the seat behind her.
"That awful bus driver just insulted me!" she sniveles.
"Im so sorry lovey. That's not ok. Here, hand me your monkey and go tell him off."

I was such an ugly baby...

I was such an ugly baby...My Mom was pushing me in a pram one day and was so upset with folk's reaction to her ugly baby. She sat down on a park bench and the tears began to flow. A kindly stranger noticed her tearfully rocking the pram and decided to do a good deed. He bought a large ice cream and handed it to her. 'Listen, dear,' he said, 'I know you have problems, you don't have to tell me what they are, but hopefully this will cheer you up.' My Mom smiled through her tears and accepted the ice cream. The kind stranger returned the smile then held out his other hand and said, 'And here is a bag of nuts for the monkey!'

Fooling Around On Me?

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time."

Ugly Baby

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

jokes about ugly baby